Room 101!!!

leeCal

Hi @66Mustang no but I saw a David Attenborough documentary showing how they bite a prey and aren’t bothered if the prey gets away because the bacteria in their mouths is so powerful it causes gangrene to set in super fast and that kills the prey. They can smell the rotting wound up to three miles or more away. They gave me the creeps!

Ross_Alumni

Because this just happened to me, that feeling of wanting to sneeze for ages but never sneezing

RAwarrior

People who are really abusive to disabled people. I got called a “disabled b****” in the park today. I also got other abuse which I am not going to put on here. 

However, I fed my little squirrel family afterwards so I felt a bit better. 

However, why do people think it’s okay to swear at complete strangers and then say horrible things like that? I was on my own and it really upset me? 

leeCal

People who ask for help and then when you take them seriously and really try to help they pretend it’s all a joke ...and it’s on you.

leeCal

@RAwarrior it happens to my son regularly. He has cerebral palsy and uses two crutches to be mobile. Some people have issues unfortunately. 

Words are just noise, we choose to respond to or not. With training it can be done.

RAwarrior

@leeCal

Thank you so much for your support?

I’m so sorry to hear about the abuse that your son has received?

It really upset me because as you know from my other posts I go to the park as it helps me. 

I have posted some more Squirrels and Friends photos to take my mind off of what happened??

Many thanks again  for your support?

[Deleted User]

I,ve been called psycho in the past by people who should know better!!

RAwarrior

@givingup

I am so sorry to hear that and it’s a horrible thing to say?

I didn’t expect to go to the park and get a tirade of abuse which I can’t repeat here?

Dragonslayer

Salt an vinegar crisps are bad enough.
But prawn cocktail!! OMG

Peanut butter ? With jelly ?

RAwarrior

Brussel sprouts 

66Mustang

Ross_Scope said:

Because this just happened to me, that feeling of wanting to sneeze for ages but never sneezing

Haha! I know what you mean!!

66Mustang

RAwarrior said:

People who are really abusive to disabled people. I got called a “disabled b****” in the park today. I also got other abuse which I am not going to put on here. 

However, I fed my little squirrel family afterwards so I felt a bit better. 

However, why do people think it’s okay to swear at complete strangers and then say horrible things like that? I was on my own and it really upset me? 

leeCal said:

@RAwarrior it happens to my son regularly. He has cerebral palsy and uses two crutches to be mobile. Some people have issues unfortunately. 

Words are just noise, we choose to respond to or not. With training it can be done.

I’m sorry to read about this.

I also don’t really know why people choose to be rude. Maybe an inferiority thing on their part? Maybe they were bullied and are trying to get back? Maybe they “get off” on being mean to people? Maybe they are just a bit dim?

I like to think their opinion is not worth anything so it doesn’t matter or mean anything if they call you something nasty. However it is still unpleasant to be at the receiving end.

RAwarrior

@66Mustang

Thank you so much for your kind words and support, it really means a lot to me?

I was also told to f*** off and called a m***** f***** as well as what I have already mentioned?

I am really upset because I am really fed up with complete strangers thinking it’s okay to be abusive to me?

I was only in the park feeding my squirrel family who you and many others in this wonderful community know about because of the photographs I have posted.

As I have previously said I go to the park to feed the squirrels because it helps with my wellbeing. I am really shocked because yet again someone has been really nasty to me.

This sort of thing always happens when I am on my own and I might as well have a sign over my head saying I am an easy target?

I am not going to the park today because although I want to see the squirrels I really don’t want to go.

I will phone the Police if I see this person again but I hope it was an isolated incident. 

I am not saying he should have been so vile to anyone else but it makes me wonder if I wasn’t clearly disabled if he would have said the same thing or if he would have said the same thing to someone who was not my size.

I have PTSD as well as Rheumatoid and Osteoarthritis, I started Cognitive Behavioural Therapy which was interrupted by Covid 19. One of the main issues identified by the therapist was rumination because of what happened to me at work. So now I have done exactly the same thing by going over what happened again and again?

I really wish people would think about the effect this sort of thing has on people like me who already have more than enough to deal with without getting picked on.  

You said maybe they “get off” by being mean to people well it’s interesting that you say that because the person who bullied and harassed me at work used to really enjoy insulting people particularly disabled people whom he referred to as “sickies”. 

Some people really enjoy harming others especially if they are seen as imperfect because they are disabled. I wish I wasn’t disabled and food for thought is although I wouldn’t wish my disability on anyone, I got RA completely out of the blue without any warning so what has happened to me can also happen to other people?

I did however, post some squirrel photographs last night and today to try to take my mind off of what happened?

I know in a small way my photographs have brought a smile to members of the online community so that cheers me up ?

Many thanks for replying to my post because I really am upset so I appreciate you taking the time to support me?

leeCal

@RAwarrior most people don’t verbally abuse other total strangers in public which tells you something about them, they’re atypical. There is a chance that because of that they actually feel no remorse for their nasty comments at all so though it may be difficult we might actually feel a bit sorry for them. After all there is a strong chance that they can never be treated adequately for their malady and it’s hard to believe that their behaviour and thoughts lead to a happy, full and contented life.

RAwarrior

@leeCal

Thank you so much for comments and support. I am very grateful?
 

Unfortunately in my case I just seem to be an easy target. What happened in the park reminded about what happened in work with the person who bullied me for years.

Obviously I don’t know the person in the park however, I very much doubt that he would have spoken to someone else like that.  

Unfortunately there are people who are bullies who know who to target and this incident has just reminded about the bully in work who particularly targeted disabled people.

I will phone the Police if I see the person in the park again and they speak to me like that. 

I didn’t go to the park today because I couldn’t face it but I will try to go tomorrow.

Maybe like you said the person doesn’t have a happy life and maybe I should just think they are pathetic because they targeted someone like me.

I just cannot help thinking about what happened in work because it is just another example of people thinking it’s okay to be abusive to me whereas they would think twice about doing the same to someone who is a lot stronger and larger than I am.

I enjoy going to the park on my own and I don’t want to have to go with someone in case this happens again. As I am disabled I am restricted to what I can do but I try to be as independent as possible. 

I know you are a keen gardener and I sorted out some of my seeds today to take my mind off of the situation.??

Many thanks again for your support?

66Mustang

I know how you feel r.e. people not thinking about how their actions affect you. It happened to me a lot at school where often people will do unkind things that clearly gave them a tiny bit of “fun” but it negatively affected me far more than the enjoyment they got.

Likewise the bully who was mean to you probably forgot about it within a few hours, maybe even minutes, whereas sadly you will remember it for several days.

As said above maybe we do need to feel sorry for people like that - if they have to attack others to get any satisfaction out of life how little they must have in their own life.

I also think you are right that these people pick on those who look like easier targets. I guess that is how bullies operate as fundamentally they are cowards and would never “pick on someone their own size”.

RAwarrior

@66Mustang

Thank you so much again for your support and kind words?

I am sorry to hear about your situation at school?

I am really upset because it brought me back to the years of torment at work and the resulting PTSD. 

The PTSD I have started as an adult and was directly caused by being bullied and harassed for years at work by one person who is still employed but at another location.

I live in fear of seeing the bully again.

As I have explained in great detail in previous posts the bully at work was allowed to bully and harass me even by senior managers who said “they couldn’t touch him”. 

I am sick of people who get enjoyment from harming others and when nothing is ever done to stop their behaviour.   

I actually feel a lot better when I know I have at least tried to help someone else as obviously I can’t always help but I will try. 

Joining this community has really helped me because I have tried to help others, I have got involved in various threads including gardening and photography. I have also shared some of my many wildlife photographs.

I thought I had made some progress by joining the community, feeding the squirrels and basically doing things that help me.

I think that the bully who was abusive in the park and the one at work are the same because as you also said they wouldn’t pick on anyone their own size. 

The workplace bully spent most of the working day trying to upset other people and used to say the most outrageous things knowing that nothing would ever be done about it. 

I had counselling and CBT and both therapists were in complete shock that this had been allowed to happen to me.

I find it really difficult to deal with PTSD whereas I know what to do in relation to my RA and OA. 

I just don’t understand how some people get enjoyment from harming other people. ?

The bully at work actually had some managers feeling sorry for him whilst I almost had a nervous breakdown?

Many thanks again ?

66Mustang

It’s sad that that is allowed to happen in the workplace especially these days. All I can say is hopefully the bullying at work made you a stronger person moving forward. I know the bullying at school did that with me.

I find what you said here really interesting:

“I find it really difficult to deal with PTSD whereas I know what to do in relation to my RA and OA.”

While I am not belittling any physical problems I would agree that mental problems are much, much harder to deal with because with physical problems there is often a standard treatment for dealing with the issue. A treatment that works for one patient generally works for all and doctors can recommend treatment that has helped patients in the past. Like a broken leg for example, generally everyone with a broken leg is given the same fix. However mental health it is so much more complex, and just because a treatment like CBT helps one patient with, say, PTSD doesn’t mean another patient will respond in the same way!

66Mustang

On a lighter note I have something to add to Room 101...

When you touch something and it is sticky. With OCD I always assume the worst when something is sticky and have to wash my hands!

RAwarrior

@66Mustang

Thank you again for your kind words and support?

Unfortunately because the bullying went on for so long with nothing being done about it I got PTSD as a result so I am on alert a lot of the time expecting something bad to happen. 

Although I do my job unfortunately it’s not with the same enthusiasm as before because I was very let down my employer and the bully is still employed? 

I can’t go into too much more detail but I’m sure you and the rest of the online community would be horrified if I told you the sorts of things the bully used to do and say? 

Unfortunately it has been covered up for at least 20 years so what chance did I stand when he came to my workplace? 

I’m glad you have picked up on my point about the difference between physical and mental health. I know how hard it is to live with RA and OA so I am not belittling physical disability at all but I think it’s important for me to explain my comments.

To explain my situation better because I don’t want anyone to think I don’t understand physical disability because believe me I really do. 

I have severe RA so I am on a lot of treatment. 

However, when I was first diagnosed with RA I actually managed to cope with this reasonably well despite the fact that I will always have it. 

I was really proud of the fact that I had managed to deal with having a diagnosis of RA and the Rheumatologist said my positive attitude had helped me to manage my RA. 

RA is a very serious disease especially if it is uncontrolled. However, thankfully these days there are a lot of drugs available to control RA and in this area of medicine treatments are constantly evolving. There is a lot of research into new treatments and Rheumatologists are really brilliant doctors. 

Many patients with RA do end up with mental health issues for many reasons particularly because it can destroy your body and limit what you can do. 

However, even with a diagnosis of RA and having to take some very powerful drugs, I didn’t have mental health issues before. I got PTSD as a direct result of being bullied and harassed at work. 

I think the broken leg analogy you have given is an excellent one because I don’t know how long it will take to get better.

I know how to manage my RA and OA. I know what I should and shouldn’t do. However, what I find extremely difficult is to deal with the PTSD. The two main issues are the vivid nightmares featuring the bully and seeing people who look like him? 

I have tried not to “ruminate” however, incidences like the one in the park just remind me of the bully. 

The problem is that many bullies are very clever and they always manage to divert attention from what they do in order to get away with it. I have mentioned this before but the bully used to make vexatious complaints anytime someone tried to address his behaviour so nobody was prepared to tackle it.?

I really do appreciate you taking the time to reply to my comments and it really makes a difference.?

I got no support from my colleagues either who either didn’t care because he left them alone, were scared of being accused of racism or didn’t want to get involved. Many have since had the nerve to tell me “to move on”. Well I wouldn’t have to “move on” had management and my colleagues helped me.

A really positive thing though is by joining this online community I really feel supported and it’s no exaggeration but I have had more support and kind words from members of this community than I have ever had at work ?

Many thanks ?