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Hi, my name is Dack1967!

Dack1967Dack1967 Member Posts: 12 Listener
Hi I’ve split with my abusive husband he on trial in Febuary for every kind a use you can imagine the house is bought but mist was bought with my full council discount now he’s demanding the house get sold saying it’s wort the 120 when it would only get 60 as he hasn’t unkept the house I am disabled this was my house before I met him I’ve lived here thirty years but waited 16 years on a house from council in abuse there was financial abuse he controlled everything money etc I have been one year trying to get a mortgage to buy him out so I can stay here as I’m  not near enough well to move some days I can’t walk or get out off my bed this is tearing 
e apart I don’t k ow where else to turn tried everywhere I know had a mortgage advisor who messed me about for 9 months twice told me had a mortgage for me and he did t looking at payments for some mortgages ex 130 I could afford to pay that every month to get the amount I need to buy him out if I go to private let even though can’t get any or other homes I would be paying more than 130 for private ket than I would for a 40/50 thousand mortgage on which payments are low enough for me to make and it’s def going to get paid it’s my home can anyone out there help me please as I’m honestly exhausted keeping on looking applying etc it’s unbeilavable so biased towards disabled people I want to keep my home but need to borrow the money to give him if it was next year I would be 55 I could have released equity but I’m not 55 so I can’t it’s tearing me to bits I cry can’t sleep eat so stressed I can feel myself getting iller because off this every day can anyone please help me thank you 🙏 xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Replies

  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,338 Disability Gamechanger
    I had similar problems with abuse  first of all you need to speak to a solicitor  because he cant do what he is doing if you can prove you were in the house before him 

    You also need to get hold off someone on the domestic abuse  helpline  and they can offer help and support  I don't know where you live but I live in Wales so I don't know what help you can get in England 

    The disability side of things I am sure scope can help 

    If your in danger from this man you need to call the police and ask for a  protection order so that he cant approach you  are you in danger now 
    if you are call the emergency abuse help line they will get you help 

    @Poppy12 o have only just seen this post I havent slept can you see if you can access the phone numbers to the help that this lady needs 

    @poppy123456 this is my trigger  this lady hasn't said much if she has  a solicitor  or anything but that's what she needs 
  • janer1967janer1967 Member Posts: 11,199 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi and welcome 

    I suggest you try and contact the shelter organisation who offer advice in housing solutions 

    Also maybe welfare advice or citizens advice 

    Have you had legal advice as to if he is actually entitled to half as I'm no expert but having seperated 3 times it's all legal minefield.  Who is demanding the sale does he have legal representation 

    Too many questions to ask you need expert advice they may be able to hold off sorting it till your equity is available 
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Posts: 4,038

    Scope community team

    Hello @Dack1967 and welcome to our community.

    I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a stressful time.  Just to clarify, is your ex-husband still living with you?

    For support with your experience of domestic abuse, I'd recommend contacting Women's Aid.  Their information and support webpage has links to an online chat, email service and online community, and they would be able to offer specialist help from people with lived experience and professional expertise.  

    I don't know if you have already read it, but Scope have a mortgage affordability and benefits advice page that could help you in relation to getting a mortgage.  If you would prefer to speak to someone about it directly , Scope have a free helpline that you can contact on:
    Phone: 0808 800 3333.
    Textphone: dial 18001 then 0808 800 3333.
    Calls are free from UK landlines and mobiles.
    Email: [email protected].

    It's not surprising this is impacting your ability to eat and sleep but remember your wellbeing is a priority throughout all this.  You come first.  If you feel that your health is being affected, please contact your GP to talk more about it.  Scope also have a sleep tips webpage that could help improve your rest, while on the community I started a thread about insomnia that you might be able to relate to!

    I hope you have a good day and please make sure to lean on us for support  :)

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  • poppy123456poppy123456 Member Posts: 22,218 Disability Gamechanger
    HI and welcome,

    I don't have anything to add that's not already been advised, i'm sorry. It's just far too complex for me and you really do need legal advice regarding this. I just didn't want to ignore the tag and thought i'd welcome you to the community.


    Proud winner of the 2019 empowering others award. This award was given for supporting disabled people and their families for the benefit advice I have given to members here on the community.
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,338 Disability Gamechanger
    @poppy123456 sorry poppy I tagged you becsuse at that moment in time I couldn't think and I was worried for her  I csn sleep now  glad others commented aswel 
  • Dack1967Dack1967 Member Posts: 12 Listener
    no I Hi thank you so much everyone I’ve had to change lawyer got a new lawyer as off this week as the lawyer has been asking since last January to see his banks etc he’s avoided doing that and also lied says he has no pension he has lying cheating all through marriage keeping all the money women calling him no I put him out a year last August and I have a Court interdict against him he can’t come near me or even into my town he’s pure evil I had advice from last lawyer she just says aw look around for a mortgage that’s it he controlled everything money what I wore what I ate where I went how much money I couldn’t buy anything I liked to eat I had to eat what he liked needless to say I never ate it thank you for info no he moved in with one off his many women the day I put him out told me he was going dfisging he was t fishing I found out now I look back I trusted him he would say going here there for weekends I’d be left in house he was with his fancy bits thank you everyone wasted twenty years off my life he did I wasn’t letting him ruin any more xxxxxxxxxx
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,338 Disability Gamechanger
    So glad your ok  and that you have a new lawyer  maybe your new one eill help you more glad that he has to stay away from you its a horrible thing to go through I have been through it myself  but you will get through it with help and support  good luck with every thing here if you just need to talk  stay safe  xx
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Posts: 4,038

    Scope community team

    @dack1967 Ah dear, I'm so sorry you went through that.  You definitely did the right thing by leaving the relationship. 

    I hope the links I left help you out and I am sure the future will be brighter for you  <3  
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  • Dack1967Dack1967 Member Posts: 12 Listener
    Yes I’ve emailed a mortgage broker this morning thank you they were very helpful married twenty years all gone I’ve been trying everywhere had financial advisor for 8/9 months told me he had one then another one but never heard about them he sold me house insurance I was a bit angry waisted 8/9 months off time which I don’t have a lot off .But thank you I’m in Scotland they say Link up here buys a per cent age off you yet all citizens advice Link themselves have said they don’t it’s on there website in black and white after relationship break up they can buy up to a certain percentage off you it’s like banging my head off a brick wall been at this everyday for over a year try this one if not just need to lose my house I’ve got full equity in the house I don’t see the problem if I move out off my house private have to try get private ket that’s going to cost more a month than a mortgage would so it’s senseless but thank you for the Links etc very handy for mortgage brokers this one says they will get back to me so fingers crossed xxxxxxxxx
  • Dack1967Dack1967 Member Posts: 12 Listener
    That’s the thing I only have my daughter who has Lupus no one else women’s aid had to get back in touch with them had hardly any support had to muddle through and it’s been so so hard I’m never allowing myself to go through this ever again xxxx
  • Dack1967Dack1967 Member Posts: 12 Listener
    Hi I had a Solicitor for a year as well she was smdoing nothing so changed Solicitor she called me yesterday she seems to be on the ball wgat I’m looking for a is where I can get mortgage if you’re disabled cabt move I’m not well some days I can’t walk or get out off my bed but the house was mine before I even met him I got full council dIscount as I have been with council for years had a flat for 16 years before got a move but he kept all the money I put him out due to domestic abuse financial abuse sexual abuse the criminal trial goes ahead on Feb 14 he has about eight charges against him I am looking to get mortgage to buy him out give him money from house but he’s getting it every way he has three bank accounts thousands off a pension the other lawyer never bothered as she asked last year to see up to date bank statements he gave her a credit card statement abd said he never had a pension despite me giving her proof so how can he have had all the money kept me short I ended up in debt because him wants money or wants house sold now he’s gettting it All his way he’s a narcissist liar xxx
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,338 Disability Gamechanger
    Oh gosh you have gone through some tough times I have lupus  do I also understand thst sseel I hope your daughter is OK asweli used to live in Carluke in Scotland  its very hard to get help I was running  with my children from domestic abuse  I just left the house snd ran I only took it for 5 years  some people don't understand why you stay with a nan thst does that to a woman  its difficult if your ex husband was paying towards the house  I hope that you can get the money if you resly have to  

    Its so hard to  sort things out  in one of your messages you put you dobt have alot ofcyime do you mean to get it sorted out with the money and the house because of your husband going to court and may go to prison 

    I hope you can get the support you need  and the help you need  you need to have time to think about yourself and your health problems and try and eat he has controlled you for 20yesrs its going to tske z whilst to get used to things  tske  care and stay safe 😊 
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Posts: 4,038

    Scope community team

    Hi @Dack1967

    Just checking-in to see how things are with you at the minute.  How are you getting on?

    I hope all is well and you are keeping safe  :)
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