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carer burden

pattern1991
pattern1991 Member Posts: 31 Courageous
any advice on how best  to support a  love one when they experience carer burden oten then just thanking them for what they do    
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  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,239 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi there 

    Good thread I dont have a carer as such my teenage son helps me and I often feel bad for him having to do so. I try and do as much as I can 

    I am always telling him how proud I am of him and tend to reward him more than I should 

    The way I look at him if he was an adult he would get carers allowance so out of my PIP money he gets a normal weekly spending money like any child probably would and then every month he gets a gift card 
    Here to help with my experience in hunan resources and employment rights 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,239 Disability Gamechanger
    I also make sure he gets a break and spends time with his friends (if and when we can ) 

    He also sometimes stays with family for a few days in school holidays and they take him on day trips 
    Here to help with my experience in hunan resources and employment rights 
  • pattern1991
    pattern1991 Member Posts: 31 Courageous
    what about
     romantic partners 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,239 Disability Gamechanger
    I only see my partner when he isnt working away so not often , so he doesnt really get involved in my care apart from when he is here 
    Here to help with my experience in hunan resources and employment rights 
  • pattern1991
    pattern1991 Member Posts: 31 Courageous
    even so how do you support apart from affinition and thanks   
  • pattern1991
    pattern1991 Member Posts: 31 Courageous
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Posts: 5,996

    Scope community team

    Could you ask your partner @pattern1991? I'm sure that different people would appreciate different things. Some might really appreciate a gift or treat, but that might make others uncomfortable. Some ideas could be:
    • a gift
    • spending time with you doing something they enjoy
    • you giving them the space to do something they enjoy, including spending time on their own
    • suggesting some self-care activities for them
    • organising for a friend to surprise them (within the rules)
    It could also be the case that they don't see caring for you as a job or a 'burden'. Different forms of care exist in all relationships, and it's all part of being in a loving relationship. Have they expressed that they need more support in being a carer? Could them joining a carer support group, or you looking into taking on external carers help? 
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  • woodbine
    woodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,270 Disability Gamechanger
    I think it's a national disgrace that the country doesn't recognise the number of children who help care for disabled parents, they like all carers save the country billions and should be rewarded and acknowledged for doing so.
    Offering PIP advice to people with epilepsy.
  • pattern1991
    pattern1991 Member Posts: 31 Courageous
    tori i dont have a partner right now  just seeking advice for when the problem arises 
  • vikingqueen
    vikingqueen Member Posts: 548 Pioneering
        My other half just gets on with it and asks for nothing in return. When I became ill and could no longer do everyday things he just did it all for me. I'm very lucky to have him he's one in a million  <3
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Posts: 5,996

    Scope community team

    Oh right, sorry about that @pattern1991! In that case, I think having open conversations with them would be the best way to go. Letting them know that they can talk to you any time they feel overwhelmed can go a long way, as well as having an understanding of the little things that they appreciate. No one should make you feel as though you're a burden though.
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  • pattern1991
    pattern1991 Member Posts: 31 Courageous
    i wish it were that simple but thanks 
  • lisathomas50
    lisathomas50 Posts: 4,584 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine social services in some areas don't like children being carers thsts the problem 
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,270 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine social services in some areas don't like children being carers thsts the problem 
    From what I see and read, they just let them get on with it, usually with very little support and as I said no acknowledgement 
    Offering PIP advice to people with epilepsy.
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,239 Disability Gamechanger
    @lisathomas50 @woodbine social services have no idea most of the time that children are carers how would they ? 

    It only seems to get highlighted if there becomes a problem at school or with police 

    Social services have no idea what happens in the average household that doesnt come on their radar and why should they 
    Here to help with my experience in hunan resources and employment rights 
  • lisathomas50
    lisathomas50 Posts: 4,584 Disability Gamechanger
    Lots of children have been taken into care because of them being carers when they are young but thats another subject again 
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community Co-Production Group Posts: 10,509 Disability Gamechanger
    As Mike often says, personal experience (or knowledge of a few instances) is anecdotal @lisathomas50 . If you have statistics, or a reputed link(s) to confirm this, then please say. Otherwise, I'm not understanding where your comments have come from.
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,239 Disability Gamechanger
    Going a bit off topic here I think 
    Here to help with my experience in hunan resources and employment rights 
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,270 Disability Gamechanger
    edited March 28
    deleted
    Offering PIP advice to people with epilepsy.
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,239 Disability Gamechanger
    I know @woodbine just dont think it's appropriate on a disability website to put fear in people about child carers bring taken into care.  There are lots of members here who have their kids help them

    So was trying politely to get it back on track 

    @lisathomas50 please be mindful of other members 
    Here to help with my experience in hunan resources and employment rights 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,239 Disability Gamechanger
    I am sure child carers do get taken into care but why ? 

    Is it because they are a carer or more that they are being neglected,  abused, reported by third party 
    Here to help with my experience in hunan resources and employment rights 
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 5,270 Disability Gamechanger
    edited March 28
    janer1967 said:
    I know @woodbine just dont think it's appropriate on a disability website to put fear in people about child carers bring taken into care.  There are lots of members here who have their kids help them

    So was trying politely to get it back on track 

    @lisathomas50 please be mindful of other members 
    I agree 100%
    Via our local carers association I have campaigned for recognition of young carers, sadly so far it's not really achieved much, but we carry on in the hope we will be heard.
    Offering PIP advice to people with epilepsy.
  • lisathomas50
    lisathomas50 Posts: 4,584 Disability Gamechanger
    I apologise  I won't mention it again thats why I said its another story 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Member Posts: 12,239 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine I fully support your campaigning 

    I would just like to point out I dont consider my son to be my full time carer . He helps me with a few tasks which are far less than the chores i  did for my parents at his age 

    If it ever came to me needing more care that would put a burden on him and his life and education I would pay for a carer rather than let that happen 

    I know not everyone is in the same position and have no alternative than to have their child as the main carer and its those children that need the recognition 
    Here to help with my experience in hunan resources and employment rights 
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Member Posts: 1,969 Pioneering
    I don't really want to go off thread just saying when I spoke with dwp recently and was explaining my son does stuff for me, they asked what age is your son, I told them he was an adult and she said that's ok just want to make sure he's not a child. I don't know why
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Posts: 5,996

    Scope community team

    I couldn't find any statistics on the number of young carers who then get taken into care themselves from an initial search, but I'm sure that this is something some children and young people experience. 

    As has been pointed out, this thread was started by @pattern1991 to ask about how to reduce the potential burden on a romantic partner rather than young carers. The experience of young carers is certainly an important topic to discuss, so perhaps another thread could be opened? 

    Does anyone else have experience of how to look out for a partner who takes on caring responsibilities? 
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