carer burden

pattern1991
pattern1991 Online Community Member Posts: 38 Contributor
edited March 2021 in Relationships
any advice on how best  to support a  love one when they experience carer burden oten then just thanking them for what they do    
«1

Comments

  • janer1967
    janer1967 Online Community Member Posts: 21,922 Championing
    Hi there 

    Good thread I dont have a carer as such my teenage son helps me and I often feel bad for him having to do so. I try and do as much as I can 

    I am always telling him how proud I am of him and tend to reward him more than I should 

    The way I look at him if he was an adult he would get carers allowance so out of my PIP money he gets a normal weekly spending money like any child probably would and then every month he gets a gift card 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Online Community Member Posts: 21,922 Championing
    I also make sure he gets a break and spends time with his friends (if and when we can ) 

    He also sometimes stays with family for a few days in school holidays and they take him on day trips 
  • pattern1991
    pattern1991 Online Community Member Posts: 38 Contributor
    what about
     romantic partners 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Online Community Member Posts: 21,922 Championing
    I only see my partner when he isnt working away so not often , so he doesnt really get involved in my care apart from when he is here 
  • pattern1991
    pattern1991 Online Community Member Posts: 38 Contributor
    even so how do you support apart from affinition and thanks   
  • pattern1991
    pattern1991 Online Community Member Posts: 38 Contributor
    affection 
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,452 Championing
    Could you ask your partner @pattern1991? I'm sure that different people would appreciate different things. Some might really appreciate a gift or treat, but that might make others uncomfortable. Some ideas could be:
    • a gift
    • spending time with you doing something they enjoy
    • you giving them the space to do something they enjoy, including spending time on their own
    • suggesting some self-care activities for them
    • organising for a friend to surprise them (within the rules)
    It could also be the case that they don't see caring for you as a job or a 'burden'. Different forms of care exist in all relationships, and it's all part of being in a loving relationship. Have they expressed that they need more support in being a carer? Could them joining a carer support group, or you looking into taking on external carers help? 
  • pattern1991
    pattern1991 Online Community Member Posts: 38 Contributor
    tori i dont have a partner right now  just seeking advice for when the problem arises 
  • vikingqueen
    vikingqueen Scope Member Posts: 1,708 Championing
        My other half just gets on with it and asks for nothing in return. When I became ill and could no longer do everyday things he just did it all for me. I'm very lucky to have him he's one in a million  <3
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,452 Championing
    Oh right, sorry about that @pattern1991! In that case, I think having open conversations with them would be the best way to go. Letting them know that they can talk to you any time they feel overwhelmed can go a long way, as well as having an understanding of the little things that they appreciate. No one should make you feel as though you're a burden though.
  • pattern1991
    pattern1991 Online Community Member Posts: 38 Contributor
    i wish it were that simple but thanks 
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,874 Championing
    @woodbine social services in some areas don't like children being carers thsts the problem 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Online Community Member Posts: 21,922 Championing
    @lisathomas50 @woodbine social services have no idea most of the time that children are carers how would they ? 

    It only seems to get highlighted if there becomes a problem at school or with police 

    Social services have no idea what happens in the average household that doesnt come on their radar and why should they 
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,874 Championing
    Lots of children have been taken into care because of them being carers when they are young but thats another subject again 
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Online Community Member Posts: 16,681 Championing
    As Mike often says, personal experience (or knowledge of a few instances) is anecdotal @lisathomas50 . If you have statistics, or a reputed link(s) to confirm this, then please say. Otherwise, I'm not understanding where your comments have come from.
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Online Community Member Posts: 21,922 Championing
    Going a bit off topic here I think 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Online Community Member Posts: 21,922 Championing
    I know @woodbine just dont think it's appropriate on a disability website to put fear in people about child carers bring taken into care.  There are lots of members here who have their kids help them

    So was trying politely to get it back on track 

    @lisathomas50 please be mindful of other members 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Online Community Member Posts: 21,922 Championing
    I am sure child carers do get taken into care but why ? 

    Is it because they are a carer or more that they are being neglected,  abused, reported by third party 
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,874 Championing
    I apologise  I won't mention it again thats why I said its another story 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Online Community Member Posts: 21,922 Championing
    @woodbine I fully support your campaigning 

    I would just like to point out I dont consider my son to be my full time carer . He helps me with a few tasks which are far less than the chores i  did for my parents at his age 

    If it ever came to me needing more care that would put a burden on him and his life and education I would pay for a carer rather than let that happen 

    I know not everyone is in the same position and have no alternative than to have their child as the main carer and its those children that need the recognition 

Categories