Mental health

That's amazing, fingers crossed

best wishes

I am sat here at 22.30pm and I’m tearing what little hair I have in place out. I’m also climbing the walls, feeling low, I’ve tried going back on social media and I just start panicking and just find myself saying I can’t do it. I can’t let people back into my life, I can’t talk to people and I’m all honesty I’ve lost trust in the world. I’m supposed to be going to a concert in Nottingham and I’m climbing the walls with that as there is very poor access for people with disabilities and I can’t even speak to or email the venue either. I am honestly about to back out of going and just scrubbing that trip in all its entirety and lose the funds for the ticket and the train fare already laid out.

I’ve got a two night stay in Stafford to watch a show called the UK Rock Orchestra alongside a show in Derby called Dubliners Encore both of which have been fantastic with the access requirements and seating.

Its actually nerve racking that I’m going to all of these shows alone and I’m just questioning myself on that as well as my trip to Scotland in June.

I’m questioning myself sanity in trying to do so much when I haven’t done much this year apart from be in the flat. I’m just truly questioning am I trying to do stuff that the new me is just not cut out to do and I’m actually questioning myself which am I letting win - my mental health or my physical health or both. Just who am I 😢

Yes and no, obviously I'm glad it's not kidney,heart or liver failure but now we're on rarer things and although dr Google isn't the best practitioner the other possible causes aren't much better, Gp is ringing later to prescribe something to try keep it in it's box.

I've already had a bad morning and not really interested atm, I'm making it very clear after playing games for six months already I won't be attending any more appointments this year ,I have enough to deal with with the two mum has.

I ***** hate 2025 can't wait to see the back of the horrid thing. I need routine and normality and I've not had one single month or even fortnight that's been settled since LAST Christmas.

I'm looking at'my options for the future regarding many things including where I live who Can stay and go in my life, if I should sell my collection of films.

Hope you're ok, speak soon 💛