Back from The Brink ...

@Santosha12 … apologies for the late reply … been away for a couple of days in my 'trigger' city whilst my wife met her transplant team … for when the time comes.

Apologies to Mr. and Mrs Jones … it 's the eyes in the pics. 😊 They do say dogs take after their owners, maybe explains Ruudy being as mad as a brush 'cos i've spent so much time with him

It sounds heartbreaking when Mr. jones passed. The sudden realisation. Sometimes words can just be platitudes because they can never touch the real feelings the other person feels

Animals are capable of so much more perception than we give them credit for, what shines through is your absolute devotion and love to your friends/family and I've no doubt they feel it and feel safe,

As to your 'future' … I get it. I've always said if it wasn't for my family, well, I'd have quite happily stepped off. I've only had so many 'battles' for them but that's by the by. Until then … let's keep them doubters/ haters p***sed off cos we're still here 😁

That said, give me animals over most humans any day … I can't watch a donkey advert without crying. We may be the highest up the food chain, but we're certainly not the most evolved compassionate species. Thanks for your kind words, for understanding my thinking in my music

@Amberpearl … I'm really sorry to hear that. No man or woman has the right to put anyone through that. Never. I'm saddened to hear it still affects you, I just hope you're able to get the help you need/ deserve to keep the memories away.

And that you can take joy from the lil' ones in your life. The innocents to battle the demons

Take care

@Santosha12 … home safely is always a win with my driving 😚 … taken until now to recover. Everton girl ? Funnily enough we were in the new Royal in Liverpool … the walk from the car park to the hospital absolutely wiped me out. All up hill. By the end I swear I was going sideways more than forewards. Fingers crossed that her bloods stay stable and her GFR doesn't reduce, then we won't be back there any time soon. Both my kids studied in Liverpool.

One teaching one paramedic science. Ruudster the Cocker Spaniel is scouse born and bred

I've had a chuckle at the vet and the music. Sad time but a memory, no matter how sad if it's accompanied with a smile, even if it's bittersweet … it can help.

2 memories of my mother dying involve laughter. The first one. A nurse doing questions when she was in intensive care … is she mobile … my brother, yeah she's got one but I haven't got her number to hand 😄

The second involves me having to travel 50 miles back to the hospital to pick up the paperwork the next day … walked into a cubicle for a pee, thinking this looks different to yesterday … only to look behind me to see a female nurse washing her hands

All I could say was … please don't scream. She saw the funny side, to the point of telling every nurse she saw on the concourse. Her pointing and laughing, me cringing

I understand your thinking about treatment and the dogs. I totally get it. Selfless. It's obvious from words on a screen that you give your pets the dedication they deserve. Jack was a handsome chap. His happiness shines through in that picture

Fingers crossed for you that the MRi is good

Take Care

Hallway Ledger … banishing those pesky inner demons and ghosts. Memories can't hurt you. A female voice because … sometimes more emotion in the timbre ..

Quiet Habit … sometimes we do things we're not proud of, but pride can come of overcoming and changing. Weakness can also incorporate strength ?

Love In November … a soppy song, by my usually macabre depressing standards

@Kiki23 … wow. Goosebumps. That is beautiful. I got more Irish than Nordic but I guess we're all cousins down the line. Thanks for sharing 😊

@Santosha12 … I reminded her of the brolly today. She never swears but there were a few choice words

I think The Smiths appealed to me because of the melancholy and my home life. I asked a MH professional once why do I feel better listening to 'depressing' stuff … apparently it's because it resonates in us, that we don't feel so alone ? I dunno … maybe.

Take That ? Would rather stick pins in my ears 😁 really didn't like them. The Bee Gees a different story, some classics there

Funny story … one day when working in the forestry, I lifted up up my ear muffs to talk to someone. Turned sideways and bang. Literally a bang in my head. A twig on a tree had gone straight through my ear drum

Long story short went to A & E, told the doctor and nurse what happened … they literally had to go out of the room to compose themselves, laughing at six inches of wood sticking out my head 😝 … so actually would rather turn the radio off than listen to Take That 😁

A nurse. What a commendable job you did. A thankless, underpaid one, but still commendable. I bet you saw some things. Lord knows I've always been very grateful everytime I've been to A & E. Actually quite embarressing how many times. Even Airlifted twice. Once after a tree landed on me and once after a car crash … it's no wonder my wife calls me a liability lol

The tree … spent a week in hospital, came home and my wife ran me a bath. Helped me in. "I'm just popping to the shops" … 3 hours later I was still on my hands and knees in freezing cold water. She'd forgotten and met friends. I didn't dare shout at her. That's the closest I'll get to being Trans ….

I like bill Bailey. Dry humour. Saw John Richardson in a small venue. Brilliant. My wife watched Peter Kay in february. she was very disappointed

Tangents ? Lucky words aren't footsteps or I'd be in serious trouble miles from home 😁

When My Body Doesn't Listen … quite apt considering what it's been through and now evolving into

I don't mind a bit of Nu Metal and like Freak on A Leash by Korn. I prefer more power metal like Sabaton … we're all different and what works for us, works for us 😊

Sirens & Silence … contemplation of when my life changed forever. Police called for a 'domestic' … which was me sleeping on the sofa. Never laid a finger on a woman that they didn't want. Quite the opposite with my Psycho Ex. towards me. I could take 2 coppers holding me whilst one punched me … to spit in my face was the ultimate insult. 6 policemen later cost me a lot of years. Not proud. More disappointed in myself

Thanks for the like @Santosha12 I hope you're well. Out of curiosity what type of speciality did you Nurse in. I can imagine they're all difficult

Second Chance Coat … no matter who we're lucky enough to have around, or the help to get through those difficult times … without ourselves, especially believing in ourselves we've got no-one ?

@Santosha12 … sometimes people say things that put some things into perspective … in real life I would have started replying with a word that starts with 'F' … but I'm sure it would have blown up Scope's filter 😁

That is an awful lot to have to have dealt with and no-one could blame you for any feelings of resentment towards others who could have prevented it. I think I'd have an effigy or two just to remind them of their 'choices' (I'd love to know who's got one of me 🤣)

Plus - see … smoking is bad for you 😉

Joking aside, a lumbar puncture … up there in the top 3 of the most unpleasant experiences of my life. Still feel sick remembering the 'crunch'. So glad you made a recovery from that

Breaks my heart my lil' girl had to go through that. Crazy … as I'm the parent but she's my role model. Overcame her own demons as a very young girl, all manifesting in Self harming and eating disorders and we only found out when she was sixteen. People are right when they say it's a good job I don't know who that person was/ is.

Now she's coping with her MS But she is ridiculously positive about everything. Nothing is stopping her living her life. With a fantastic BF holding her hand all the way. Puts me to shame. Not to mention the fantastic GP and CAMHs who got her to believe in herself to be the person she is, like you were, putting patients first

You're so right when you say, every day is a learning day … show me someone who knows everything, or says they've never made a mistake and I'll show you a liar.

I like to say I know about a lot of things, just enough to be dangerous. But always happy to learn a new way or new things

Covid was such a terrible time, and the way you've described things … well I guess a lot of us don't know the half of it. Do you still have the jabs ? I think my wife is on number 12.

56 days out of years, my heart goes out to you, it takes a special kind of person to keep laughing like you do

My sister … I don't know what I thought the syringe driver did, but not to go to sleep for 2 days and not wake up until the end. She had 2 years longer than the prognosis so every cloud. I've told everyone, god forbid but I'm not having that. I'm going out kicking and screaming

…….. ………… I've just come back to this after saving a draft - laughing to myself, thinking if others are reading this, they'll be thinking …. how the hell aren't these 2 swinging from a tree 🤣

I saw a new GP this … I think he wants to section me 😁My old GP we had a brilliant rapport, joked about my ailments etc. One time during my PTSD episodes I told him I felt like throwing myself off the mountain that overlooks the town … his reply, " i'm not worried because I know you won't make it up there … "

This new Doctor asked me if my symptoms are throwing up any sexual problems … for some reason I said, No complaints but I guess it's hard to complain when you're tied up and gagged

The voice in my head was screaming Why - just Why, you don't know him

It would be interesting to read my notes 😁

On that note of weirdness, I hope you have a good weekend with the pooches

Take Care

@Santosha12 … hope you're good. Apologies for the late reply, we've been away down Soufff Wales to friends for our anniversary. My wife had a great time shopping … I took advantage of a workshop with tools to sort some niggles and to service my car. Shattered now 😁Shamefully didn't wake up until 1pm

Aye my daughter is a special person. And does take after me in so many ways. Stubborn. Sulks, Bears grudges if wronged … but most of all, like a policeman said to me many many moons ago … I'm not going to cuff you … you're a fighter not a runner. That philosophy has kept us both remembering we're survivors not victims 😉

Ahhh the Sax' … such a deep resonating instrument. I think it sums up every emotion I've ever felt, from the lowest depths to the highest highs … to me it just envelopes me in comfort and bliss. I enjoyed reading the 'facts' you posted … aye life is unfair on the the geniuses, especially those who were pioneers all those years ago … sadly I don't think human nature has changed so very much. I don't mind a bit of jazz and really enjoy Memphis Blues, any type of blues really because it really encapsulates so much feelings in the music … not to be cliche, but it does touch the soul. At least mine …

The tree swing 😁🤣 … I think that would be a bit of Russian Roulette, even if it held your weight and didn't snap, I think your backside would be mowing the grass … but I can see how being on a swing contributes to exercise, arms and legs etc … The last time I was on a 'playground' toy was about 6 years ago … a zip line type of thing. I didn't think the stopping would be so violent … ended with me looking up at the sky and loads of lil' kids laughing and pointing 😐️I think my wife literally did wet herself that day

I'm glad Jack got to romp around Delamere and you've painted a great picture with your words. Sadly I was only ever in forestries to cause a bit of carnage, but always appreciated the beauty of nature. Looking back I like to think we gave the surviving standing trees a better quality of life

We've got a forestry about 2 miles away and Ruudy loves running free there, unfortunately being a Cocker he has the recall of a brick sometimes, not to mention the tendency to find the dirtiest muddiest puddles to get acquainted with 😕

I've got some great memories of my time in 'the woods' … creepiest was one site where someone had hung around 20 dolls from the trees by their necks a good half mile from the road. 4 'hard men' wouldn't stay alone there 😂 Although there was another site where there was an old ruin, just 2 walls … and the smell of lavender perfume was very strong at times, none of us were very brave then either. Definitely something 'residual' there

I hope there wasn't too much turmoil with the solar panels and that they reduce your 'leccy costs enough to justify them

I'm glad you enjoyed Back To The Light. It's a remix, first was proper old style Country, second was more new style punk and I was never happy with it until I added the Sax'

The next song when I post it has some more sax, definitely added to it

Take Care

Hi @Santosha12 … I hope the muttlets let you catch up on your sleep

The forestry industry is very responsible when it comes to biodiversity and fawna and fauna. We've had jobs stopped because of 'nature' including nesting Goshawks, a rare newt - The Great Crested and had a job stopped because they found Baltic Bog moss that would have been detroyed by timber extraction … always seemed to be the jobs where we saw ££££ signs before starting 😝

The bookends for the vet sound amazing. There is something intrinsicately beautiful about fossilised wood, or wood that's lived for years under silt and water, that unique grain. There's a monkey tree in a garden about a mile away, I always marvel at the unique shape of it's boughs. I'm quite sad that I love all types of wood, the look, the tactility … although there was one stand of Douglas Fir I hated … we had the 'honour' of felling the biggest softwood in Wales. Absolute nightmare from start to finish … that 2 months helped in writing off some tax 😁

Fair play to you for standing up for the dogs welfare, there can be too much it'll be when in the trades. That sounds like a lot of disruption … as you say bad enough when you're 'well' but hopefully worth it for heating costs etc

If I sang when there's workmen around, they'd down tools … there's no day rate going for anyone to tolerate my voice 😚

The dolls … was literally What The Actual * … miles from anywhere, off road and in a clearing. Sinister is the word … I mean why ? The smell of lavender perfume scared a couple but I'm a believer that the living will hurt you … the most worried I've ever been in the woods is when I had to fell some trees on an active badger sett … thinking what if one clamps on my leg … I can't kill it 🤔

It sounds like Jack had a life of riley, the kind of life all dogs should have. LOL at getting spooked going camping. My wife would always refuse to come with if I had to go back to repair machinery. She said it was like a cartoon … eyes staring at you from the trees 😏

I don't mind the dark, it's what's in it that scares me 😁Now spiders - they terrify me, absolutely petrified of them. The mornings I freaked out walking through a spiders web … stuff thrown everywhere

There's nowt wrong with have a high level of general knowledge, you never know when a fact could come in handy. Every fact is a fact worth knowing.

Ahhh The Blues. Is there a genre of music that touches and soothes the soul like it, I listen to all sorts and I can't think of one. Earlier talk of it had me digging out my Ruby Turner Guilty album. I'd forgotten how powerful it is and what a voice she has

Thanks for the kind words about the music … sorry for the tears to your eyes. I think storytelling is right … sort of inspired by Glenn Tilbrook of Squeeze … every song a journey

As for the dancing … on our wedding day I was holding her up … roles very much reversed later on in life 🤣

Take Care

Thanks so very much @Santosha12 I'm happy you felt what the song is trying to convey

I've listened to a lot of music and to me there's no other genre that matches the timbre of a female Blues singer to grip and caress the soul. Like you the more guttural the voice - the more emotion it evokes in me.

Big Mama Thornton … I love her voice

Not my Burden seems moons ago … I'm banned from playing Alcoholic Kisses when my wife is here … because it upsets her 🤣

Take care and i hope you have a great or the best as possible week