Help for my 20-year-old son who won't leave the house

LollieK
LollieK Community Member Posts: 3 Listener
edited June 2020 in Autism and neurodiversity
Hi I'm after advice on my 20 yr old adopted son who has mental health/ anxiety issues and won't leave the house to get any help! He left school aged 14  as wouldn't go out. He's been under CAMHS until 18 but now won't go out at all! I suspect he is on the autistic spectrum as does have traits but he feeling highly anxious and hates his looks etc but I can't get him to engage with anyone! I feel so helpless that I can't do more! I've read posts about others with adult children of similar ages who won't go out and it made me feel less alone with this. But I desperately want to help him more? I always say the wrong things and walk on eggshells at home! 

Comments

  • steve51
    steve51 Community Member Posts: 7,121 Championing
    Hi @LollieK

    Welcome it’s great to meet you this morning.

    I am one of the Community Champion’s here at Scope.

    https://www.scope.org.uk/advice-and-support/families-with-disabled-children/

    I do hope that this is okay please please come back to me if you need any further help/support !!!
  • chiarieds
    chiarieds Community Member Posts: 17,415 Championing
    Hi @LollieK - & welcome to the community. It's good you've read about others with similar problems. Your son is likely OK, just as a parent you feel things would 'normally' be different. You're doing incredibly well too, as it can't be easy, but you're obviously doing the very best you possibly can. However, this is obviously causing you more than a little distress, & I wonder if you receive any support? Does your GP help both you & your son? Would you consider contacting the National Autistic Society for some additional support? Please see: https://www.autism.org.uk/
    Young Minds may also be a helpful resource : https://youngminds.org.uk/
    Please know we are all here to help you as much as we can even tho just offering support. Please do use this forum to talk here any time, & let us know how you're both doing. :)

  • phillycollings29
    phillycollings29 Community Member Posts: 57 Contributor
    A warm welcome @LollieK
    So sorry to read your post.  Incredibly hard for you both.  Some fabulous advice above and hope you are able to tap in it.  Wishing you the very best. :)
  • Chloe_Alumni
    Chloe_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 10,505 Championing
    edited June 2020
    A very warm welcome to the community @LollieK! It sounds like things have been really difficult. How has he found lockdown? 

    Here is some information about adult life from the National Autistic Society and how to get a diagnosis as an adult.

    I hope others will be able to share their experiences with you. If you have any questions then please do let us know. :) 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community Member Posts: 21,921 Championing
    Hi @LollieK Welcome to the community, I have a 13 year old who doesn't leave the house much and he doesnt have any disabilities. It just seems to be the normal these days with gaming and technology all they want to do is stay in.

    Lockdown hasnt helped with no school and not being able to go out .

    I know lots of parents have the same concerns gone are the days when we went out every opportunity we could
  • zebastian
    zebastian Community Member Posts: 2 Listener
    Increasingly, we are a symptom of the age. You are not alone. 'Asperger teams' are the trend but it is not enough. We have to find community amongst ourselves. The 'specialness' of having a diagnosis can be just another difficulty to overcome. Life is humbling in so many ways for us 'aspies'...a very steep learning curve but we must persevere.
  • Chloe_Alumni
    Chloe_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 10,505 Championing
    Welcome to the community @zebastian. :)
  • Davina20
    Davina20 Community Member Posts: 2 Listener
    LollieK

    only finding your post and I can so relate.  Have you any improvement?  My son 20 and I’m hoping things will change soon for his own sake.  
  • poppy123456
    poppy123456 Community Member Posts: 64,375 Championing
    Davina20 said:
    LollieK

    only finding your post and I can so relate.  Have you any improvement?  My son 20 and I’m hoping things will change soon for his own sake.  

    This is an old thread you've posted on and the member hasn't been active since Dec 2021 so you may not get a reply.

    Have you taken your son to speak to your GP because they will be able to refer him for some help and support. (if he agrees)
  • Hannah_Alumni
    Hannah_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,848 Championing
    Hello @Davina20

    I see my colleague Alex responded to your thread about your son and I wondered if any of the advice helped?
  • Annaofoz
    Annaofoz Community Member Posts: 1 Listener

    I feel your pain. My son is the same. I find it frustrating and exhausting dealing with this issue.

  • DerbyRamos
    DerbyRamos Community Member Posts: 1 Listener

    My son is the same. He has various health issues but we think underlying it all is anxiety. However he won't admit there is anything mentally wrong, he thinks it's all physical. But won't follow the advice of doctors and refuses to see a psychologist/therapist. He will not leave the house and spends most of his time in bed saying he feels sick. I have no idea what to do other than wait and hope he gets better. I'm becoming increasingly worried because he does not eat properly and is becoming thinner and thinner. I've asked the GP and they have said that if he isn't willing to engage there is not much they can do, especially as he is over 16 now. They are going to speak to social services and mental health services to see if there is anything anyone can do.

    Has anyone had this problem and come out the other side? What happens if your child reaches adult age but refuses to do anything and also refuses to take any action to improve their situation?

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