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Depression

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  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Community member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Toby, @tobyrosco21
    Still here, you see :smile: Still listening.
  • tobyrosco21
    tobyrosco21 Community member Posts: 52 Listener
    I don't deserve it
  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Community member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Oh Toby! @tobyrosco21
    Don't deserve it? Okay, you probably believe that. But it is not true, Toby. Not true at all. Everybody deserves to be cared about and - here - you are.
    For you to say that you 'don't deserve it' suggests to me (and I know I could be wrong) that someone has been telling you that lie for a long time, perhaps since your childhood.  Anyone who has told you that is wrong. It is a lie. And if you didn't deserve it, I wouldn't be sitting here, trying to get through to you. Nor am I alone. @thespiceman cares, Toby. @Victoriad cares. And over time you'll find many here who feel exactly the same, they just haven't found your post yet.
    Tell me, Toby, what it is that is hurting you so very, very much.
    With affection,
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21
    tobyrosco21 Community member Posts: 52 Listener
    I'e had a **** life.
  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Community member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Toby,
    I wonder if you typed in the four asterisks, or if they were placed there by a program?
    I can guess what the word is, though.
    Believe me, Toby, you are not alone, but not being alone in that makes little difference to how you feel and we're not going to get into a comparison of who has had the *****iest life in the community :smile: What matters is how you feel and why.
    The key thing is that if you have had a four-asterisk life, it has not been your fault. Or do you think it has, somehow?
    I'm going to add something here. One of the worst aspects of depression for me, before I came to be able to be entirely open about it and especially when I was young, was a fear in myself that I was making something out of nothing, that if I actually told people what I felt they would laugh at me.
    No-one, Toby, NO-ONE is going to laugh at you here. Here you are surrounded by people who will be able to relate to what you have suffered.
    So tell me more. Tell me, if you like, what has made yours a 'four asterisk life' 
    With affection,
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21
    tobyrosco21 Community member Posts: 52 Listener
    Can't talk about it too upsetting.   Main problem at the moment is going back to work.  I'm terrified 
  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Community member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Toby, @tobyrosco21
    I quite understand, Toby, and I am not pressuring you. 

    I had a look back to your earlier posts and am reminded that you tried the Samaritans without success, and counselling too? Okay, the Samaritans are usually pretty good, but everybody's going to fail sometime, and counsellors can be a bit of a pain. I remember thinking how I had to manage my feelings during counselling sessions because if I saw a potential breaking point coming up in the near future I had to make sure it happened well before the end of the session. Didn't want to be in the position of having an all out blubbering attack when the counsellor was saying 'sorry, we're out of time'  :D
    Anyway, that's perhaps by the by.
    Are you able to tell me what it is that is so frightening about going back to work? (I've actually been in that situation, by the way, and the last time was when I took early retirement) But that doesn't tell me why you feel that way. Can you?
    Listening, Richard

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  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Community member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Toby, @tobyrosco21
    |'m going to have to take a break for a while - have not yet had dinner - but I will be back later.
    Take care, for now.
  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Community member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi again, Toby,
    Discovering how late it is, I think I need to sign off for the night. I will be checking posts, however, early tomorrow, and will be thinking about you.
    I DO want to help, Toby, and you DO deserve to be helped. Talk to me, please.
    Affection and best wishes,
    Richard
  • tobyrosco21
    tobyrosco21 Community member Posts: 52 Listener
    Victoriad said:
    Hello Toby
    Sorry you think some of us have hijacked your thread.

    It is about depression and really we all in the same boat and just trying to keep up a bit of morale with some idle chit chat.

    Ive not set foot outside the door today and the only folk Ive communicated with all day were my wee dog, Spiceman and Richard and Maria on the benefits advice thread.
    Not forgetting my husband home from work later this evening, so basically Ive been on my Tod for over 12 hours.

    I don’t want to foist myself on your thread,so if you tell me to go away then I will! .....and I will talk to Spiceman and Richard via other means!

  • tobyrosco21
    tobyrosco21 Community member Posts: 52 Listener
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    [Deleted User] Posts: 1,741 Listener
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  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Community member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Toby, @tobyrosco21
    Got my second wind. I'm here if you're still around and if you want to talk.
    Richard
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @tobyrosco21 Good morning how are you?  Could not sleep last night thinking about you.

    I do that have sleepless nights when I have some thing on my mind or care have concern for any body I meet on the forum.  I am not just saying that but I am.

    I only talked about myself to Richard and Victoria because you would be see it is easy to talk.  You must understand that with being support worker your self.

    If you had client like you how would cope and deal with that person.

    A few things I apologise it is about me.  I come from a family never allowed to talk or discuss anything personal or intimate.  Especially mental illness.

    Imagine every day having that they were days I need to talk.  In those days you did not it was all private, kept hidden.  No one knew they did even know I a child with a disability and the neighbours, some of them did not know I exsisted.  Till I broke free and started to discuss what the hell was going on in therapy.

    Abuse of children whether mentally or physically is the hidden side of families.  Yet councillors never believed a word, remember this never happened.  This was the seventies.

    By that time drinking and alcoholic for thirty years .plus  Only from the nineties and on ward started to discuss what really happens.  All the time veiled real genuine threats from family members.  Court action and the rest.  It never happened in their eyes.

    So you see I am opening my heart out here and it is breaking   Since having support workers all lovely ladies,  Yet I could not talk they at one end of a sofa me another.

    I am a gentleman of the early fifties now but then could not talk to a woman for years and years.  Having had also the problems and issues of abusive, may I say violent relationships with women who were all like my Mother in every respect.

    Getting of Alcohol in pain with also turning to drugs because I was in pain withdrawal.  Had taken drugs in the days when I was in Night clubs and on the Northern Soul Scene.

    Got myself sorted problems have now started mentally and physically.  I had a lot of knock backs regarding treatment of my self.  From employment to health care to hate crime, to mate crime.  I could go on and I do.  I just want you to know.

    For a gentleman or even any body especially us I struggle to say what is wrong, I struggle to say how I am.  Whether to Doctors or friends.

    Having this forum is a godsend, waking up now I say what I like and get the love and support I need. Richard is a good guy as every body is here.

    Please try to understand we care about each other plus if you keep it in your head and it goes round and round it can set off more depression more anxiety more fret more illness.  I have been there and still am.

    Take care you are in my prayers thoughts.
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
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    [Deleted User] Posts: 1,741 Listener
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  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Community member Posts: 6,388 Disability Gamechanger
    Hello @Victoriad Great to hear from you.  Good fresh start I hope if you change your GP.  Recognise the problems and issues.

    Am here to listen and chat if you wish.  Yes weather wise supposed to be milder.

    Put new recipe for Med Rice One Pot on Coffee Lounge for your perusal if you wish to change any thing please do.

    Gardening might start thinking about Herbs new ones.  Got Rosemary all over Garden.  Put stuff into Tubs next time a lot easier.  I used last time Fennel, Lavender, Rosemary and Sage.

    All pretty hardy.  I buy the dried for easy use but keep fresh for display great in summer very therapeutic scent wise.

    Take care speak to you soon.
    Community Champion
    SCOPE Volunteer Award Engaging Communities 2019
    Mental Health advice, guidance and information to all members
    Nutrition, Diet, Wellbeing, Addiction.
    Recipes
  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Community member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi Toby, @tobyrosco21
    I ran out of steam yesterday, I'm afraid, didn't get to sleep till about 2:00 am, as @thespiceman commented, you were in my thoughts too. Looked for you earlier today, then had to go to a dental appointment and do some routine shopping, so now home (I hope) for the day.
    Last time I was here, I asked you why you were terrified of going back to work. I would still like very much to know. But I do not want to put any pressure on you.
    The truth is that you really NEED to talk to somebody. Would it help if our conversations were more confidential, one-to-one? I am looking into the process now.
    Listening, your friend,
    Richard

  • JennysDad
    JennysDad Community member Posts: 2,299 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @Victoriad. Good to hear you're feeling a little more positive. Hope we can keep it up :smile: Lucky you, having access to a garden like that. I have 'access' to the shared house garden, but everything that's put in has to be put in by the house gardener. I want to put up a semi-permanent hide to photograph the birds and foxes that visit us, but I keep having to take it down so that he can mow the 9 square yards of rather shabby lawn underneath it  :D
    Look forward to hearing from you soon.
    Richard

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