Share a joke with us!
Comments
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How many Mexicans does it take to change a light bulb ??
Juan
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There were two men eating sandwiches in a pub and the landlord said: "You can't eat your own food in here." So they swapped sandwiches.
(Frank Carson)“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV -
why did the mexican throw his wife off the cliff
tequila
not very pc but it makes me laugh. sorry bout that -
Sorry but not really able to laugh at these although I used to be a very good joke and story teller. However, I will try to think of some that aren't either too racist or too near the knuckle.
Ofc I used to be ambivalent but now I'm not so sure.
Ruling out baby jokes, essex girl jokes, racist jokes and dirty jokes I'm finding it hard to think of any but if this next is too off then remove it by all means.
Two small children standing in the corridor at school. One says to the other "There's a contraceptive behind that radiator". The other replies "What's a radiator?".
And on and on........
Why do ducks have webbed feet? So they can stamp out forest fires!
Why do elephants paint their toenails red? So they can hide in cherry trees!
Why do elephants have flat feet? From jumping out of cherry trees onto burning ducks!
How do you know when you have elephants in the fridge? They leave footprints in the butter!
And ending.........
TK"I'm on the wrong side of heaven and the righteous side of hell" - from Wrong side of heaven by Five Finger Death Punch. -
What did the Mexican fire chief call his two sons ?
Hose A and Hose B
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So I went to the doctors and he asked me what seemed to be the matter, I said “I feel like a Belisha beacon.” So putting on sunglasses he asked “ how frequently? I said “ oh, off and on.”
“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV -
Why do crabs make such good burglers?
Because they're great at pinching things. -
What’s a bees favourite power tool?
A buzz saw
“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV -
at the end of a horse race people started throwing cheese, ham, strawberries and pickles at the winner. The commentator said over the mike.....Oh no he's been hampered............
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If I was horse in a field and someone came over to me, picked some grass and offered it to me I’d be totally dumbfounded! What! You’ve seen me eating and you think I need help? This is a gift? I’m in a field! Grass I got already! Carrots! I want a carrot, or an apple, a nice juicy apple! Anything but graaaaasssss!
Luckily horses are too polite to say anything.
“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV -
They say that the national sport of the UK is queuing
to hear the punchline, please wait... -
@ross2503 I was actually waiting for the punchline...doh!
“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV -
I went to my accountant and asked him what my net worth was. He said “not sure, show me your net.”
“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV -
What's Forrest Gump's password?
1forrest1
Community Manager
Scope -
A man walks into a butcher's and asks "do you have a sheep's head?"
"No," replies the butcher " it's just the way I part my hair" -
For the abstract intelligentsia:
Q: What is the difference between a tree?
A: A banana 6 inches in color
Ripped from the School of Logic examination papers.Dream big, plan well, achieve goals, live the dream. -
Another ASD riddle
A genuine exam question for final paper. Usually only one question is asked... Students have 3 hours to complete the answer to be marked.
Q: Is this a question?
A: If this is an answer.Dream big, plan well, achieve goals, live the dream. -
I once went on a dream holiday but when I got back I couldn’t remember a thing.
whats the biggest bee of all?
a capital B!“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV -
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot, it got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away
(anon)“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV
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