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Comments
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why did the mexican throw his wife off the cliff
tequila
not very pc but it makes me laugh. sorry bout that2 -
Sorry but not really able to laugh at these although I used to be a very good joke and story teller. However, I will try to think of some that aren't either too racist or too near the knuckle.
Ofc I used to be ambivalent but now I'm not so sure.
Ruling out baby jokes, essex girl jokes, racist jokes and dirty jokes I'm finding it hard to think of any but if this next is too off then remove it by all means.
Two small children standing in the corridor at school. One says to the other "There's a contraceptive behind that radiator". The other replies "What's a radiator?".
And on and on........
Why do ducks have webbed feet? So they can stamp out forest fires!
Why do elephants paint their toenails red? So they can hide in cherry trees!
Why do elephants have flat feet? From jumping out of cherry trees onto burning ducks!
How do you know when you have elephants in the fridge? They leave footprints in the butter!
And ending.........
TK1 -
What did the Mexican fire chief call his two sons ?
Hose A and Hose B
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So I went to the doctors and he asked me what seemed to be the matter, I said “I feel like a Belisha beacon.” So putting on sunglasses he asked “ how frequently? I said “ oh, off and on.”
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Why do crabs make such good burglers?
Because they're great at pinching things.1 -
What’s a bees favourite power tool?
A buzz saw
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at the end of a horse race people started throwing cheese, ham, strawberries and pickles at the winner. The commentator said over the mike.....Oh no he's been hampered............1
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Love this thread!
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If I was horse in a field and someone came over to me, picked some grass and offered it to me I’d be totally dumbfounded! What! You’ve seen me eating and you think I need help? This is a gift? I’m in a field! Grass I got already! Carrots! I want a carrot, or an apple, a nice juicy apple! Anything but graaaaasssss!
Luckily horses are too polite to say anything.
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They say that the national sport of the UK is queuing
to hear the punchline, please wait...2 -
I went to my accountant and asked him what my net worth was. He said “not sure, show me your net.”
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What's Forrest Gump's password?
1forrest1
3 -
A man walks into a butcher's and asks "do you have a sheep's head?"
"No," replies the butcher " it's just the way I part my hair"0 -
For the abstract intelligentsia:
Q: What is the difference between a tree?
A: A banana 6 inches in color
Ripped from the School of Logic examination papers.0 -
Another ASD riddle
A genuine exam question for final paper. Usually only one question is asked... Students have 3 hours to complete the answer to be marked.
Q: Is this a question?
A: If this is an answer.0 -
I once went on a dream holiday but when I got back I couldn’t remember a thing.
whats the biggest bee of all?
a capital B!1 -
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot, it got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away
(anon)1 -
What do you call a fake noodle ??
Impasta
1 -
why is Peter Pan always flying?
he Neverlands.
(anon)2
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