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  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,611 Championing
    What do you call a sleeping bull? 

    A bulldozer 
  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    Why do fish live in salt water?

    because pepper makes them sneeze.
  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing

    A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”

    The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”

  • Chloe_Alumni
    Chloe_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 10,506 Championing
    I don't trust stairs.

    They're always up to something.
  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,611 Championing
    What did the lightbulb say to it's mother?

    I love you watts and watts
  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    edited August 2020
    I have this strange talent that I can always guess what's inside a wrapped present - It's a gift.
  • newborn
    newborn Online Community Member Posts: 828 Trailblazing
    Two blood cells loved in vein.
  • Cress
    Cress Online Community Member Posts: 1,005 Trailblazing
    Nobody...but NOBODY will love you as much as your dog does...dont believe me?
    Lock your dog and all your family in the shed for a couple of hours and see which one is more pleased to see you when you let them out again...
  • Cress
    Cress Online Community Member Posts: 1,005 Trailblazing
    Sorry, not a joke as such...but, why do I keep getting emails offering to tell my future from the stars?
    They surely know I'm not going to reply, right?
  • 66Mustang
    66Mustang Online Community Member Posts: 14,991 Championing
    leeCal said:

    I was completely ignored by the barman in my local last night, it's my fault, I asked him for the usual.


    Ha ha that reminds me of one.

    I went into a pub in Ireland and it was rubbish. The beer was warm, the food was overdone and the staff were unfriendly. It turned out it was an English themed pub.
  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    silence is golden
    unless you have kids
    then silence is suspicious ? 
  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    How many apples grow on a tree?
    All of them!

  • Cher_Alumni
    Cher_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,714 Championing
    A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
  • newborn
    newborn Online Community Member Posts: 828 Trailblazing
    That isn't my ladder. It's my step-ladder.
  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    I don’t want to brag but I finished a puzzle in a week and it said 2/4 years on the box
  • Cher_Alumni
    Cher_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,714 Championing
    Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soy seems to be the hardest word.
  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing him. Went out, had drinks and he's a web designer.
  • leeCal
    leeCal Online Community Member Posts: 7,537 Championing
    If you’re not supposed to eat at night why is there a light bulb in the fridge?
  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Online Community Member Posts: 4,230 Championing
    How does the moon cut his hair?

    Eclipse it
  • Cher_Alumni
    Cher_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,714 Championing
    Why did Snoop Dogg need an umbrella? Fo’ Drizzle.

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