Mens abuse - Page 3 — Scope | Disability forum
Please read our updated community house rules and community guidelines.

Mens abuse

13

Comments

  • NotReally
    NotReally Community member Posts: 59 Pioneering
    NotReally said:
    I've been the victim of domestic abuse, both emotional and physical, and while my former wife needs to take responsibility for her actions (although I think this is extremely unlikely), I also see the underlaying influences that pushed her towards the abusive behaviour - which are essentially the same cultural influences that push the men who engage in this behaviour in the same ways. 

    Unless we as a society address these issues, the violence and abuse will continue.

    I'm sorry to read that you've been a victim. Was the abuse reported and dealt with at the time? And have you received support to move on from it?

    No ... this is ... probably the biggest regret of my life, to not have phoned the police when I had the physical evidence on my body of what happened.  Especially so right now, as I am struggling to deal with regaining access / visitation contact with my son.

    Everything would be very different at this point if I had been able to see past my own unconscious preconceptions around gender. As I said ... endemic cultural issues.

    I have been trying to access support / treatment for PTSD for over three years now; I am now on a waiting list for EMDR therapy, and hopefully something will happen at some point this year.  I will also try contacting some of the organisations that @Tori_Scope posted earlier, when I'm able.
  • Ross_Alumni
    Ross_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,652 Disability Gamechanger
    edited March 2021
    I'm sorry to read that not reporting it is so much of a regret for you now @NotReally, but please don't blame yourself, it's hard to speak about those kinds of things, and there can often be a stigma attached to opening up about them. If you do ever consider going to the police, you can find information on this page about how you could go about doing so.

    I'm glad that you are considering contacting some of the organisations shared by Tori, I think they would be able to help you. But please only do so when you feel ready. 

    It's a shame that you've struggled to access support for your PTSD, again maybe those organisations will be able to offer some advice in that regard. I do hope the EMDR therapy happens this year and works well for you.
    Online Community Coordinator

    Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Flag your concerns with us.

    Did you receive a helpful reply to your discussion? Fill out our feedback form and let us know about it.
  • Audinut70
    Audinut70 Community member Posts: 133 Pioneering
    edited March 2021
    Does being set up to be accused of child abuse, for the compensation to pay off drug debts come under underlying situations? Even the child protection unit officers knew it was ****. But because statements had been made, they had to process me. They apologised aftet forensics proved me innocent. Well its out there now. My sisters don't even know about,  if they did,my accusers wouldnt be walking around today. 
     I am sorry to hear about your situation,  the worst of it is, i had learned to live with it, the abuse and violence i could have walked away from, but would have meant losing contact with my kids. It's this attack on men that's brought it all back. And the lack of accountability. After what I've been through, i still know its a minority of women, and have never considered treating women any differently, and i still stand by them against mindless violence. Thank you for making feel that I'm not the only one. 
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,911 Disability Gamechanger
    Last night in Bristol becsuse of the police officer killing Sarah thst started all this off a police van was set on fire  
  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
    edited March 2021
    When I was married at the age of seventeen I complained about my dinner and my wife ran a dinner knife over my arm. It was quite a shock and I left her for good about a month later. That was almost fifty years ago. 

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,911 Disability Gamechanger
    @NotReally sorry this hsppend to you but the person has to take responsibility I understand what your saying but every one has a choice they don't have to abuse some one they don't have to rape someone they choose to do it 

    I had loads of counciling after what happend to me and the judge in Chambers said to me that the people who did what they did to me and the others chose to do it nothing makes anyone do anything unless they have a mental disease that causes them to do these things but the people who did what they did they did it by choice 
  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,911 Disability Gamechanger
    Men and women committ abuse wether it be violence  sexusl abuse financial abuse verbal abuse mental abuse men women and children have been found guilty of these crimes its not just men 
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 46,788 Disability Gamechanger
    @leeCal I don't blame you, lucky escape
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 11,521 Disability Gamechanger
    edited March 2021
    Last night in Bristol becsuse of the police officer killing Sarah thst started all this off a police van was set on fire  


    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-56477887
    2024 The year of the general election...the time for change is coming 💡

  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,911 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine utter madness whsts wrong with people 
  • cartha
    cartha Community member Posts: 1,390 Pioneering
    Audinut70 said:
    Experiences such as mine! Nobody wants to hear about about experiences such as mine, it forces people to admit that men aren't the only problem. Ive just been watching the big question! One woman called men misogynistic because he said women tell lies, im living proof they do, unfortunately, 4 of my friends aren't fortunate enough to be here to say the same .they killed themselves because they couldn't see their kids, and lied about in court to make sure they never did. And ill get blasted for telling the truth nobody wants to hear. Women tell lies, women are violent to men, women abuse men. But lets not worry about that eh! Tell me, do you still want to hear my experiences, it involves every one of them?
    I understand how difficult this is and I don't have a solution but I've had similar experiences. I left an abusive marriage of ten years with my baby daughter thanks to help from friends and family. I was never able to get any professional support, and suffer to this day from things that were done to me back then (2008). My ex still tries to get at me even though I have nothing to do with her. I can't get an injunction because she hasn't done anything physical to me. One social worker I reported her to told me "Well, we only have your word on that, don't we". It was very difficult for me to speak out about it and I got shut down with one sentence from someone I thought would be able to help me. Another social worker, an assistant manager, just laughed at me when I told him of the abuse I had been through. My GP referred me to the local mental health hospital twice and they told me they couldn't help me because I have autism. I'm currently on the waiting list for the Integrated Autism Service. Not sure if they can help with anything other than managing autism but I'll have to see when the time comes. I tend to keep quiet about my experiences because so many people seem to not think it is as serious as abuse women suffer from men. I do seem to have a habit of picking abusive women, just as some women seem to have a habit of picking abusive men. So maybe the problem is me. My last two relationships affected my daughter so I have made a decision to stay out of relationships for now.

    There does seem to be more support for abused women but women are more likely to speak out. I think men keeping quiet makes it difficult to assess what services are required. I know I'm generalising a bit but that's the way it appears to me from my own experiences.

    @Tori_Scope Thank you for posting the list of links, I didn't know about most of those organisations.

  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,911 Disability Gamechanger
    @cartha don't ever think its not important  what happend to you women do abuse men they think they can get away with it because they count on men not to report it because of embarrassment 

    Women do get prosecuted for abusing men its more recognised now and there is more help and organisations as tori scope has put links on for you sorry this happend to you  hope things get better for you 
  • cartha
    cartha Community member Posts: 1,390 Pioneering
    @lisathomas50 It's my word against hers. She has actually accused me of being the abusive one in the relationship after I made accusations against her. There is no evidence of anything, it was mental and emotional abuse. It still goes on when she gets a chance but the things she says and does aren't seen by other people as abusive because they are triggers aimed for me. Only a few people very close to me know what has really gone on. The reaction I received from the authorities was enough to put me off that route. I do have photos and recordings of some things that happened but nobody even wants to see them. Thank you for your concern.

  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,911 Disability Gamechanger
    @cartha so sorry I have no words it will come to light one day hope you can get help with this so that you can have closure  ? I had alot of help to get my closure you will get there she isnt worth it ?
  • Audinut70
    Audinut70 Community member Posts: 133 Pioneering
    I don't know if abuse and violence are down to revenge because it has happened to them, but it does seem like it's the good guys that are targeted. Men and women. 
     All of my girlfriends before, were great, I still talk to most of them on social media, ive been really lucky that way. I was 28 when I  was accused, life went downhill from then. I walked straight into the abusive relationship, that was great at first. Then my first son to her was born, that's when the controlling started ,she knew that I'd lost access to a son when i was 21, I wouldn't get back with her, ao she refused me access, so knew i would do whatever she wanted to be with my son,i was still kicked out for a variety of petty reasons. 
     Ive been single for 4 years now, by choice, fear,  but my isolating has made me realise how lonely i am now. 
  • Audinut70
    Audinut70 Community member Posts: 133 Pioneering
    edited March 2021
    Now that it's coming out, i could probably write a short book about the experiences of me and my brother, who was the only person I could talk to, i wouldn't dare tell my sisters,  ive got 5,older, but he died 3 weeks ago of covid.
  • Caz_Alumni
    Caz_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 621 Pioneering
    edited March 2021
    Hello @Audinut70

    I wanted to get in touch with you about your recent posts above. I'm pretty new to the community and we haven't spoken before, but I can see that you've had a lot going on recently and you've also had a lot to deal with in the past, particularly when you talk about the experiences of you and your brother. 

    I just wanted to reach out, offer my support, and maybe encourage you to have a think about the help that might be available to you - either in terms of perhaps reporting some of the things that you've mentioned, or speaking to somebody who could offer you some additional support. 

    Do message us if that's something that you would like to speak about, or there's anything else that we can help you with.

    Online Community Coordinator (she/her)

    Want to give us feedback? Complete our feedback form now.
  • cartha
    cartha Community member Posts: 1,390 Pioneering
    Sorry to hear about your brother, @Audinut70. I lost access to my first daughter when I was 24/25 and she was just a few weeks old but we were lucky enough to get in touch again when she was eighteen. As much as I don't want to get into a relationship and experience more problems, I also wish I had someone close who I could spend time with and grow old with.
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 11,521 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine utter madness whsts wrong with people 
    People are angry about the proposed new "crime bill"
    2024 The year of the general election...the time for change is coming 💡

  • Lisatho11987777
    Lisatho11987777 Scope Member Posts: 5,911 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine so they committ crime  because they don't agree with a crime bill  well let's hope they get the punishment thry deserve 

Brightness