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Mens abuse

Audinut70

Ive heard enough about all men being to blame. Ive been on the receiving end of abuse by women, false accusations, which trashed my life, first suicide attempt,violence and having my kids used as weapons to control me. But i suppose we deserve this.

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Comments

Oxonlady

Hi @Audinut70, I find it quite upsetting to read about violence and aggression, irrespective of the gender of the perpetrator.
The fact is that some people think it's all right to be aggressive or abusive and seem to target certain people. This starts at school with bullying and some people carry on being bullies.
I don't think we should be focusing on gender because the most important aspect of all of this is that people should find other ways to behave rather than just lashing out without thinking.
If each and every person, men and women, and any other gender in between, were considerate towards others, thought about the consequences of their actions and truly wanted to make a difference to improve society, things would be so much better for everyone.

We shouldn't have to have arguments about what men or women do if everyone took personal responsibility seriously. Society should encourage individuals to be respectful and kind towards others, no matter who they are.

Audinut70

Yeah, that would be great, but the fact is,men are abused by women, but nobody wants to hear that. And ill bet 99% of men don't even mention it, shame,embarrassment, or just because people wont believe them. So it's not just a woman problem, its about time we stopped pretending it is.
I'm still hearing on the news"how men behave" what do you think this is doing to men like me? Ima victim, but I'm also being ostracized for being a man.is this not abuse?

Oxonlady

Hi @Audinut70, of course, I understand what you are saying and your pain and distress are real.

Unfortunately I've heard of another man whose wife was abusive to him, but I've also heard of gay men being abused by straight men simply because of their sexuality, gang violence is rife in London where I live.

The point I'm trying to make is that aggression and abuse are never right, whether the perpetrator is a man or a woman. The distress is just as real, no matter who the victim is.

Lisatho11987777

As I said on the other thread men are abused by men women are abused by women and men are abused by women and women abused by men.

There are also male and female sex offenders and whoever does wrong should be punished by the law

Audinut70

Oxonlady said:

Hi @Audinut70, of course, I understand what you are saying and your pain and distress are real.

Unfortunately I've heard of another man whose wife was abusive to him, but I've also heard of gay men being abused by straight men simply because of their sexuality, gang violence is rife in London where I live.

The point I'm trying to make is that aggression and abuse are never right, whether the perpetrator is a man or a woman. The distress is just as real, no matter who the victim is.

Unfortunately, all I'm hearing is that men are the problem, i saw one banner, the problem starts and ends with men. Where's our representation? But of course, men can't be victims, we're the problem.

Audinut70

Like most protests, it'll come to nothing, a lot of humming and harring, promises here, there, i would love to see an end to women being hurt. But throwing stones at men isn't going to help their cause, men that can hurt women aren't going to like it. I'm just annoyed at the lack of representation for Male sufferers. I know a few that have been on the receiving end of a woman's anger.

Tori_Scope

The movement isn't about targeting or 'throwing stones' at all men, but rather about recognising, acknowledging, and addressing the systemic power men have over women in society, and the wider cultural issue of male violence against women and girls.

Of course there are, unfortunately, many male survivors of abuse, and I'm sorry to hear that you're one of them @Audinut70. I've linked some resources below that could be useful for you, or any other male survivors of abuse:

Male Survivors Alliance

The Male Survivors Alliance provides help and information to male victims/survivors or sexual abuse, rape and sexual exploitation.
Helpline: 0808 800 5005 (Mon-Weds 9am-5pm, Thurs 8am-8pm, Fri 9am-5pm, Sat 10am-2pm).
There is also a text service and online chat function available via Safeline.

ManKind Initiative

Mankind offer support to male victims of domestic abuse. Their helpline provides both emotional support and practical information.
Helpline: 01823 334 244 (Monday-Friday 10am-4pm).

Respect

Respect is a domestic abuse organisation which runs a confidential helpline for men and women who are harming their partners and families, as well as a confidential helpline for male victims of domestic abuse and those supporting them.
Men's Advice Line: 0808 8010 327 (Monday-Friday 9am-8pm)
Email: info@mensadviceline.org.uk

Safeline

Safeline's National Male Survivor Helpline is a dedicated service for men and boys in England and Wales affected by rape or sexual abuse and those that support them such as friends and family.
Telephone: 0808 800 5005 (Monday, Wednesday and Friday 9am-5pm, Tuesday and Thursday 8am-8pm and Saturday 10am-2pm)
Email (via website): https://www.safeline.org.uk/contact-us/

Stay Safe East

Stay Safe East provides specialist and holistic advocacy and support services to disabled people who are victims and survivors of domestic or sexual violence.
Helpline: 0208 519 7241
Email: enquiries@staysafe-east.org.uk

National Male Support Service - SurvivorsUK

SurvivorsUK support men, boys, trans and nonbinary survivors of sexual violence. They offer one to one counselling, ISVA services, and an online helpline.
Website (Monday-Sunday 12pm-8pm)
Email: info@survivorsuk.org

Dyn Wales Helpline

The Safer Wales Dyn Helpline provides free confidential support to men who experience domestic abuse in Wales.
Helpline: 0808 801 0321 (Monday and Tuesday 10-4pm, Wednesday 10-1pm)
Email: support@dynwales.org

There are plenty of other organisations offering support to people of all genders, so if you're reading this and feel as though you'd like to speak to an organisation not listed above then please don't hesitate to get in touch. You can contact us privately by emailing community@scope.org.uk

Audinut70

Thanks, But I'm sorry, once a man has kids, the woman has, uses, and abuses that power to use the kids, so please don't tell me about the power men have over women. I had no control, even say, in my 18 year relationship, i was kicked out if i didn't tow the line. Just look at how many men have to jump through hoops to get access to their kids. Thats men having power? The fact is, women wont be happy until they can lock us in a box until they're ready to let us out.

Lisatho11987777

The baroness threw this all up in the air by using the Sarah Everard as a domestic abuse platform but it wasn't domestic abuse it was a police officer so if the baroness is saying all men should be off the street is ridiculous at 6pm

If some one either male female adult or child has committed abuse then they are the people who need to be off the streets at 6pm and tagged but it can't be indefinite it would have to be realistic for a certain amount time and if committed another abuse crime the curfew is made longer

This punishment would only be for those who didn't commit an abuse crime that could be given a prison sentence

The pandemic has caused more abuse to accure but for the life of me why a serving police officer would want to do such a thing is beyond me and they wonder why the public don't trust the police

Audinut70

Now I've just realized, these unfair claims against all men,having to defend ourselves, have taken the attention away from women that are really hurt and murdered. I know there are problems for women, but some of the accusations are just annoying and impossible to avoid unless we just aren't here.
Eg. I see a woman i fancy, but i can't approach her because i don't know if its going to be a welcome or unwelcome approach.

Audinut70

This topic has proven my point, nobody wants to talk about men being victims. We're just inconsequential, windgers. It's about time we had a voice.

Audinut70

I thought this was supposed to be a support forum, my life and mental health have been destroyed, which i lived with and kept my mouth shut,until this men are the problem ****. I would love to see the reaction if men had the balls to stand up. Although i do understand, i can only do this now because my kids cant be turned against me anymore.
As long as the conversation fits and its not too sensitive your welcome.
People want a fair world? Yet some people are prioritised, good luck with that.

Audinut70

A few statistics for you. Not that they matter eh.

Image: https://us.v-cdn.net/6027153/uploads/editor/xt/qb5ikcxugn54.jpg

Ross_Alumni

Audinut70 said:

This topic has proven my point, nobody wants to talk about men being victims. We're just inconsequential, windgers. It's about time we had a voice.

I think everybody acknowledges that both men and women can be victims of abuse, and anybody who is a victim deserves the same level of support to overcome the emotional trauma that can entail.

It's worth noting that it can be a hard subject for people to speak about, due to it's sensitive nature and the fact that some people find it really difficult to speak about it because of what they may have been through.

Please take note of the resources provided above by Tori if you ever need support for what you've been through, and I hope you have coping techniques in place so you can effectively manage your mental health.

Queenofdisabilities

No one has said men cant have a voice no one.
I've been to hell & back & very sadly I've suffered both lots of very serious abuse & its scarred me for life.
Its broken me & i will never ever recover & be the same again.
I really hope you talk about your abuse as all men should do.
Abuse isn't just for women its for men aswell.
Take care & good luck.

Audinut70

There's nothing anyone can do for me, the damage is done, a bit of support would have sufficed, but I'm going to leave people something to think about.
Men start life as boys, who have parents, usually 2, but more common now,1, mostly the mother. Men have no rights in this department. Now tell me! Who is responsible for the way their boy turns out? So in theory, women are the problem for not bringing their sons up to 'respect' women.
Just a bit of food for thought.

Ross_Alumni

I'm not sure we can say any particular parent is to blame for how somebody may turn out @Audinut70. In this case, even if a child doesn't live with their father and just lives with their mother, the father will still have a drastic impact on how the child Is brought up. I can speak from my own personal experience in that regard.

Parenting is a joint responsibility, regardless of who lives with who. In addition to this, life experiences will influence a person's personality as well, as well as the people they surround themselves with socially. To generalise it and say that the mother is mostly to blame for how the child turns out is not fair on both mothers and fathers.

vikingqueen

How dare you say women are at fault for the way their sons turn out @Audinut70 If had I stayed with the father of my children they would have turned out completely different He was a bad un and would have led my children down a wrong path. Before you jump down my throat I am not saying all men are bad, I am now with the most wonderful man who would do anything for anybody. I brought my 2 up on my own from them being 8 and 11 and they turned out to be amazing adults with respect for everyone around them.
You really need to think before you pass judgement on single mums

vikingqueen

Thank you @woodbine, some things make me angry and calling single mothers is at the top of my list. It is a hard job as your daughter will know but teaching children to have manners and respect doesn't cost anything.

Audinut70

Im not blaming anyone,unlike women blaming men, i simply put a theory out there. Not nice is it? And blaming the dad! That dad was once a boy,i knew someone would use that one. Simple fact is, blaming each other, doesn't accomplish anything, except creating even more bad feelings towards each other. A solution is definitely needed, and working together has got to be better. Not all men are <moderator removed - profanities not allowed on the community>. I dont want women to be scared if I'm walking down the street, i dont want to be made to feel like I'm a threat either. Yous <moderator removed - offensive language> at the thought of being to blame, think what it feels like to good caring men, that have also suffered. Honesty is the first step, men hurt women with their fists and sexual assaults, women hurt men with assault, false allegations and their kids. Until we accept that, there's always going to be a problem.