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Mens abuse

Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
edited March 15 in Coffee lounge
Ive heard enough about all men being to blame. Ive  been on the receiving end of abuse by women, false accusations, which trashed my life, first suicide attempt,violence and having my kids used as weapons to control me. But i suppose we deserve this.

Replies

  • OxonladyOxonlady Member Posts: 412 Pioneering
    Hi @Audinut70, I find it quite upsetting to read about violence and aggression, irrespective of the gender of the perpetrator.
    The fact is that some people think it's all right to be aggressive or abusive and seem to target certain people. This starts at school with bullying and some people carry on being bullies.
    I don't think we should be focusing on gender because the most important aspect of all of this is that people should find other ways to behave rather than just lashing out without thinking.
    If each and every person, men and women, and any other gender in between, were considerate towards others, thought about the consequences of their actions and truly wanted to make a difference to improve society, things would be so much better for everyone.

    We shouldn't have to have arguments about what men or women do if everyone took personal responsibility seriously. Society should encourage individuals to be respectful and kind towards others, no matter who they are. 
  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    edited March 15
    Yeah, that would be great, but the fact is,men are abused by women, but nobody wants to hear that. And ill bet 99% of men don't even mention it, shame,embarrassment, or just because people wont believe them. So it's not just a woman problem, its about time we stopped pretending it is.
    I'm still hearing on the news"how men behave" what do you think this is doing to men like me? Ima victim, but I'm also being ostracized for being a man.is this not abuse?
  • OxonladyOxonlady Member Posts: 412 Pioneering
    Hi @Audinut70, of course, I understand what you are saying and your pain and distress are real.

    Unfortunately I've heard of another man whose wife was abusive to him, but I've also heard of gay men being abused by  straight men simply because of their sexuality, gang violence is rife in London where I live.

    The point I'm trying to make is that aggression and abuse are never right, whether the perpetrator is a man or a woman. The distress is just as real, no matter who the victim is.

  • woodbinewoodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 4,534 Disability Gamechanger
    Totally agree being abused either mentally or physically whoever its to or from is never under any circumstances acceptable. Being able to lead our lives in safety and how we chose isn't something that's up for debate, it's a right and one we must campaign hard and long for.
    "Putting a child into care, isn't caring for a child" (T.Rhattigan)
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    As I said on the other thread men are abused by men  women are abused by women and men are abused by women and women abused by men.

    There are also male and female sex offenders and whoever does wrong should be punished by the law 
  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    Oxonlady said:
    Hi @Audinut70, of course, I understand what you are saying and your pain and distress are real.

    Unfortunately I've heard of another man whose wife was abusive to him, but I've also heard of gay men being abused by  straight men simply because of their sexuality, gang violence is rife in London where I live.

    The point I'm trying to make is that aggression and abuse are never right, whether the perpetrator is a man or a woman. The distress is just as real, no matter who the victim is.

    Unfortunately, all I'm hearing is that men are the problem, i saw one banner, the problem starts and ends with men. Where's our representation? But of course, men can't be victims, we're the problem. 
  • woodbinewoodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 4,534 Disability Gamechanger
    Someone once told me that if you are not part of the solution then you are part of the problem.

    It's a fact of life that most people abused are women being abused by men, but of course that's not always the case, but what we should be looking for is a solution to all abuse.

    Will what has happened recently be the catalyst for change, or is it just something that has taken Harry and Meghan off the front pages? Time will tell.
    "Putting a child into care, isn't caring for a child" (T.Rhattigan)
  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    Like most protests, it'll come to nothing, a lot of humming and harring, promises here, there, i would love to see an end to women being hurt. But throwing stones at men isn't going to help their cause, men that can hurt women aren't going to like it. I'm just annoyed at the lack of representation for Male sufferers. I know a few that have been on the receiving end of a woman's anger.
  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    Thanks, But I'm sorry, once a man has kids, the woman has, uses, and abuses that power to use the kids, so please don't tell me about the power men have over women. I had no control, even say, in my 18 year relationship, i was kicked out if i didn't tow the line. Just look at how many men have to jump through hoops to get access to their kids. Thats men having power? The fact is, women wont be happy until they can lock us in a box until they're ready to let us out.
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    The baroness threw this all up in the air by using the Sarah Everard as a domestic abuse platform  but it wasn't domestic abuse it was a police officer so if the baroness is saying all men should be off the street is ridiculous at 6pm 

    If some one either male female adult or child has committed abuse then they are the people who need to be off the streets at 6pm and tagged but it can't be indefinite  it would have to be realistic for a certain amount time and if committed another abuse crime the curfew is made longer 

    This punishment would only be for those who didn't commit an abuse crime that could be given a prison sentence 

    The pandemic has caused more abuse to accure  but for the life of me why a serving police officer would want to  do such a thing is beyond me and they wonder why the public don't trust the police 


  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    Now I've just realized, these unfair claims against all men,having to defend ourselves, have taken the attention away from women that are really hurt and murdered. I know there are problems for women, but some of the accusations are just annoying and impossible to avoid unless we just aren't here. 
    Eg. I see a woman i fancy, but i can't approach her because i don't know if its going to be a welcome or unwelcome approach. 
  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    edited March 19
    This topic has proven my point, nobody wants to talk about men being victims. We're just inconsequential,  windgers. It's about time we had a voice. 
  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    I thought this was supposed to be a support forum, my life and mental health have been destroyed, which i lived with and kept my mouth shut,until this men are the problem ****. I would love to see the reaction if men had the balls to stand up. Although i do understand, i can only do this now because my kids cant be turned against me anymore. 
     As long as the conversation fits and its not too sensitive your welcome.
    People want a fair world? Yet some people are prioritised, good luck with that.
  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    A few statistics for you. Not that they matter eh.
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Posts: 4,213

    Scope community team

    Audinut70 said:
    This topic has proven my point, nobody wants to talk about men being victims. We're just inconsequential,  windgers. It's about time we had a voice. 
    I think everybody acknowledges that both men and women can be victims of abuse, and anybody who is a victim deserves the same level of support to overcome the emotional trauma that can entail. 

    It's worth noting that it can be a hard subject for people to speak about, due to it's sensitive nature and the fact that some people find it really difficult to speak about it because of what they may have been through.

    Please take note of the resources provided above by Tori if you ever need support for what you've been through, and I hope you have coping techniques in place so you can effectively manage your mental health.
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    Talk to our chatbot and give us feedback on the community.
  • QueenofdisabilitiesQueenofdisabilities Member Posts: 91 Connected
    No one has said men cant have a voice no one.
    I've been to hell & back & very sadly I've suffered both lots of very serious abuse & its scarred me for life.
    Its broken me & i will never ever recover & be the same again.
    I really hope you talk about your abuse as all men should do.
    Abuse isn't just for women its for men aswell.
    Take care & good luck.

  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    edited March 19
    There's nothing anyone can do for me, the damage is done, a bit of support would have sufficed, but I'm going to leave people something to think about. 
     Men start life as boys, who have parents, usually 2, but more common now,1, mostly the mother. Men have no rights in this department. Now tell me! Who is responsible for the way their boy turns out? So in theory, women are the problem for not bringing their sons up to 'respect' women. 
     Just a bit of food for thought. 
  • woodbinewoodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 4,534 Disability Gamechanger
    i think it's fairer to say that most children are still brought up in two parent families, although my daughter is a single parent family and she definately is bringing up our grandson to respect EVERYBODY, she has remained on good terms with her ex who has input into their son's life, it's all too easy to stereo type people to day, and it's a trap we should be wary of.
    "Putting a child into care, isn't caring for a child" (T.Rhattigan)
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Posts: 4,213

    Scope community team

    I'm not sure we can say any particular parent is to blame for how somebody may turn out @Audinut70. In this case, even if a child doesn't live with their father and just lives with their mother, the father will still have a drastic impact on how the child Is brought up. I can speak from my own personal experience in that regard.

    Parenting is a joint responsibility, regardless of who lives with who. In addition to this, life experiences will influence a person's personality as well, as well as the people they surround themselves with socially. To generalise it and say that the mother is mostly to blame for how the child turns out is not fair on both mothers and fathers.
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  • woodbinewoodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 4,534 Disability Gamechanger
    @vikingqueen well said !
    "Putting a child into care, isn't caring for a child" (T.Rhattigan)
  • vikingqueenvikingqueen Member Posts: 467 Pioneering
          Thank you @woodbine, some things make me angry and calling single mothers is at the top of my list. It is a hard job as your daughter will know but teaching children to have manners and  respect doesn't cost anything.
  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    edited March 19
    Im not blaming anyone,unlike women blaming men, i simply put a theory out there. Not nice is it? And blaming the dad! That dad was once a boy,i knew someone would use that one. Simple fact is, blaming each other, doesn't accomplish anything, except creating even more bad feelings towards each other. A solution is definitely needed, and working together has got to be better. Not all men are <moderator removed - profanities not allowed on the community>. I dont want women to be scared if I'm walking down the street, i dont want to be made to feel like I'm a threat either. Yous <moderator removed - offensive language> at the thought of being to blame, think what it feels like to good caring men, that have also suffered. Honesty is the first step, men hurt women with their fists and sexual assaults, women hurt men with assault, false allegations and their kids. Until we accept that, there's always going to be a problem. 
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Posts: 4,071

    Scope community team

    @Audinut70 To advise, I've removed offensive language from your post and want to remind you of our community guidelines.  As you came to the community for support, we expect you also to be supportive of others and I'd like you to bear in mind keeping things friendly including being respectful of others opinions even where you might not agree with them.

    To my knowledge no-one has disputed that either sex can cause harm and if we can listen to others experiences without judgement then that's one way of moving forwards. As you say yourself:
     Simple fact is, blaming each other, doesn't accomplish anything, except creating even more bad feelings towards each other.
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    Want to tell us about your experience on the online community?  Talk to our chatbot and let us know.
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    As I have said before children can have the best life ever but still committ crime rich happy people committ crime the only fault there is 
    It is the person who has committed the crime wether it be a man a woman or a child we are not our children and our children are not us we  are all individual people 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    1.8 million single parents In the UK 90 per cent single mothers and 10 per cent single fathers  figures on the gingerbread site 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    212,000 same sex parents  (,gay) according to national statistics  website 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    There are 1.8 million parents who have a disability 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    Sorry 1.7 million disabled parents 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    545 males arrested in England and Wales in 2020 and 96 females 

    87 000 men were raped in England and Wales it is higher for women but it happens more than prople think  think all these figures are online

    The individuals are to blame  


  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    I apologise for my language, and like i said, I'm not blaming anyone, and people generalising the problem  just doesn't help. kids grow up in many different environments, some not good, in fact really bad. I would love to watch tv and not hear that someone has been stabbed or sexually assaulted. The law is not going to stop this problem! Some of the sentences are laughable. Another woman assaulted by a police officer yesterday, that made me mad, they make an oath to protect. It just made me think,'why'? There has got to be a way out of this, throwing stones isn't one of them. 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    @Audinut70 crimes like this go back years and police men have been known to committ crime for years the law punishes but it doesn't always stop them re offending  even in prison 

    There is only so much the law can do crimes against children are high  as well the law needs to look at harder punishment and therapy 

    I cant remember what the programme was I was watching but there were male and female sexoffenders  and they were saying why they did it and a few of them blamed tv programmes  they wanted to try it to see what it was like 

    I think these days it's reported more than it used to be or we notice more becsusecwe are in lock down 

    Knife crime has escalated over the past year people's behaviors seem to have changed since the pandemic from seeing the news and reading newspapers 

    I am surprised how many married people rape or harm in pairs but thsts not new either rose and Fred West  myra Hindley and her partner 

    When you hear about the police committing crimes have they done it before and got away with it ??

    There is a case being reopend in wales the Clydach murders its now thought that a serving police officer committed the crimes and not the person who is in prison 


  • woodbinewoodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 4,534 Disability Gamechanger
    We imprison more people than almost all comparable countries, over 90,000 often for stupid reasons, if we cleared the prisons of most non violent prisoners then the prison service could concentrate on rehabilitating violent prisoners.
    Whilst I agree that prison is and should be punishment we do need to work with criminals to help get them back into society.
    "Putting a child into care, isn't caring for a child" (T.Rhattigan)
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine yes thats very true but as you say whst is needed is therapy  and things like that  becsuse even life isn't life when you thry go to prison thdy could be out in 15 years 

    They could curfew and tag people with a less serious crime  but people still come out of prison and some not all do re offend  it's also been known thst some one with less serous crimes thst have come out of prison have gone on to committ a more serious crime 
  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    edited March 21
    This Will make a lot of people happy, i wont be posting anything here again, there's not much point. I certainly won't be recommending it to any friends. Our problems cant be discussed. We just have to put up and shut up. 1 member of staff here has offered any kind of support. His is supposed to be a support forum, yet i feel more alienated than ever. The cause of my depression, are telling me that I'm the problem. I won't be specific, like im supposed to be, because nobody wants to hear it. These people need to take a long, hard look at themselves, A support forum that leaves you feeling worse than before you joined. Having to worry about what you say, because what's going on in your head has to be censored. As long as discrimination towards men is acceptable, everyone can be happy. As long as it is too sensitive to talk about. 
    I will look for a forum that isn't biased against men. 
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Posts: 4,213

    Scope community team

    I'm sorry to read you won't be posting anymore @Audinut70, it certainly isn't the intention of the community to make you feel as though your thoughts and feelings aren't welcome. 

    Just to be clear, we don't tolerate discrimination of any kind on the community, nor do we discourage people from speaking about their experiences of discrimination, I think people here were just mainly trying to say that no one gender should be considered fully responsible for discrimination existing in society, or how a child turns out.

    Experiences such as yours are needed to raise awareness and strive for improvement, and of course it can be beneficial to speak about what you've been through with others, in the hope that they can help you feel better or provide advice. I apologise that we haven't been able to help you it seems. 

    If you or anyone has been a victim of gender discrimination then of course that's dreadful, and even more so if you have been the victim of abuse. I accept your wish not to post on the community anymore, however you are always welcome here, and if you want to carry on the conversation privately you can always email us at [email protected]
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  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    edited March 21
    Experiences such as mine! Nobody wants to hear about about experiences such as mine, it forces people to admit that men aren't the only problem. Ive just been watching the big question! One woman called men misogynistic because he said women tell lies, im living proof they do, unfortunately, 4 of my friends aren't fortunate enough to be here to say the same .they killed themselves because they couldn't see their kids, and lied about in court to make sure they never did. And ill get blasted for telling the truth nobody wants to hear. Women tell lies, women are violent to men, women abuse men. But lets not worry about that eh! Tell me, do you still want to hear my experiences, it involves every one of them?
  • NotReallyNotReally Member Posts: 47 Courageous
    lisathomas50 said:

    The individuals are to blame 
    While this is absolutely true, it is also true that there are endemic cultural issues that needs to be addressed. 

    I've been the victim of domestic abuse, both emotional and physical, and while my former wife needs to take responsibility for her actions (although I think this is extremely unlikely), I also see the underlaying influences that pushed her towards the abusive behaviour - which are essentially the same cultural influences that push the men who engage in this behaviour in the same ways. 

    Unless we as a society address these issues, the violence and abuse will continue.
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Posts: 4,213

    Scope community team

    NotReally said:
    lisathomas50 said:

    The individuals are to blame 
    While this is absolutely true, it is also true that there are endemic cultural issues that needs to be addressed. 

    I've been the victim of domestic abuse, both emotional and physical, and while my former wife needs to take responsibility for her actions (although I think this is extremely unlikely), I also see the underlaying influences that pushed her towards the abusive behaviour - which are essentially the same cultural influences that push the men who engage in this behaviour in the same ways. 

    Unless we as a society address these issues, the violence and abuse will continue.

    I'm sorry to read that you've been a victim. Was the abuse reported and dealt with at the time? And have you received support to move on from it?
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  • NotReallyNotReally Member Posts: 47 Courageous
    NotReally said:
    I've been the victim of domestic abuse, both emotional and physical, and while my former wife needs to take responsibility for her actions (although I think this is extremely unlikely), I also see the underlaying influences that pushed her towards the abusive behaviour - which are essentially the same cultural influences that push the men who engage in this behaviour in the same ways. 

    Unless we as a society address these issues, the violence and abuse will continue.

    I'm sorry to read that you've been a victim. Was the abuse reported and dealt with at the time? And have you received support to move on from it?

    No ... this is ... probably the biggest regret of my life, to not have phoned the police when I had the physical evidence on my body of what happened.  Especially so right now, as I am struggling to deal with regaining access / visitation contact with my son.

    Everything would be very different at this point if I had been able to see past my own unconscious preconceptions around gender. As I said ... endemic cultural issues.

    I have been trying to access support / treatment for PTSD for over three years now; I am now on a waiting list for EMDR therapy, and hopefully something will happen at some point this year.  I will also try contacting some of the organisations that @Tori_Scope posted earlier, when I'm able.
  • Ross_ScopeRoss_Scope Posts: 4,213

    Scope community team

    edited March 21
    I'm sorry to read that not reporting it is so much of a regret for you now @NotReally, but please don't blame yourself, it's hard to speak about those kinds of things, and there can often be a stigma attached to opening up about them. If you do ever consider going to the police, you can find information on this page about how you could go about doing so.

    I'm glad that you are considering contacting some of the organisations shared by Tori, I think they would be able to help you. But please only do so when you feel ready. 

    It's a shame that you've struggled to access support for your PTSD, again maybe those organisations will be able to offer some advice in that regard. I do hope the EMDR therapy happens this year and works well for you.
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  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    edited March 21
    Does being set up to be accused of child abuse, for the compensation to pay off drug debts come under underlying situations? Even the child protection unit officers knew it was ****. But because statements had been made, they had to process me. They apologised aftet forensics proved me innocent. Well its out there now. My sisters don't even know about,  if they did,my accusers wouldnt be walking around today. 
     I am sorry to hear about your situation,  the worst of it is, i had learned to live with it, the abuse and violence i could have walked away from, but would have meant losing contact with my kids. It's this attack on men that's brought it all back. And the lack of accountability. After what I've been through, i still know its a minority of women, and have never considered treating women any differently, and i still stand by them against mindless violence. Thank you for making feel that I'm not the only one. 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    Last night in Bristol becsuse of the police officer killing Sarah thst started all this off a police van was set on fire  
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 3,711 Disability Gamechanger
    edited March 21
    When I was married at the age of seventeen I complained about my dinner and my wife ran a dinner knife over my arm. It was quite a shock and I left her for good about a month later. That was almost fifty years ago. 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    @NotReally sorry this hsppend to you but the person has to take responsibility I understand what your saying but every one has a choice they don't have to abuse some one they don't have to rape someone they choose to do it 

    I had loads of counciling after what happend to me and the judge in Chambers said to me that the people who did what they did to me and the others chose to do it nothing makes anyone do anything unless they have a mental disease that causes them to do these things but the people who did what they did they did it by choice 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    Men and women committ abuse wether it be violence  sexusl abuse financial abuse verbal abuse mental abuse men women and children have been found guilty of these crimes its not just men 
  • Sandy_123Sandy_123 Member Posts: 1,541 Pioneering
    @leeCal I don't blame you, lucky escape
  • woodbinewoodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 4,534 Disability Gamechanger
    edited March 21
    Last night in Bristol becsuse of the police officer killing Sarah thst started all this off a police van was set on fire  


    https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-56477887
    "Putting a child into care, isn't caring for a child" (T.Rhattigan)
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine utter madness whsts wrong with people 
  • carthacartha Member Posts: 1,388 Pioneering
    Audinut70 said:
    Experiences such as mine! Nobody wants to hear about about experiences such as mine, it forces people to admit that men aren't the only problem. Ive just been watching the big question! One woman called men misogynistic because he said women tell lies, im living proof they do, unfortunately, 4 of my friends aren't fortunate enough to be here to say the same .they killed themselves because they couldn't see their kids, and lied about in court to make sure they never did. And ill get blasted for telling the truth nobody wants to hear. Women tell lies, women are violent to men, women abuse men. But lets not worry about that eh! Tell me, do you still want to hear my experiences, it involves every one of them?
    I understand how difficult this is and I don't have a solution but I've had similar experiences. I left an abusive marriage of ten years with my baby daughter thanks to help from friends and family. I was never able to get any professional support, and suffer to this day from things that were done to me back then (2008). My ex still tries to get at me even though I have nothing to do with her. I can't get an injunction because she hasn't done anything physical to me. One social worker I reported her to told me "Well, we only have your word on that, don't we". It was very difficult for me to speak out about it and I got shut down with one sentence from someone I thought would be able to help me. Another social worker, an assistant manager, just laughed at me when I told him of the abuse I had been through. My GP referred me to the local mental health hospital twice and they told me they couldn't help me because I have autism. I'm currently on the waiting list for the Integrated Autism Service. Not sure if they can help with anything other than managing autism but I'll have to see when the time comes. I tend to keep quiet about my experiences because so many people seem to not think it is as serious as abuse women suffer from men. I do seem to have a habit of picking abusive women, just as some women seem to have a habit of picking abusive men. So maybe the problem is me. My last two relationships affected my daughter so I have made a decision to stay out of relationships for now.

    There does seem to be more support for abused women but women are more likely to speak out. I think men keeping quiet makes it difficult to assess what services are required. I know I'm generalising a bit but that's the way it appears to me from my own experiences.

    @Tori_Scope Thank you for posting the list of links, I didn't know about most of those organisations.

  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    @cartha don't ever think its not important  what happend to you women do abuse men they think they can get away with it because they count on men not to report it because of embarrassment 

    Women do get prosecuted for abusing men its more recognised now and there is more help and organisations as tori scope has put links on for you sorry this happend to you  hope things get better for you 
  • carthacartha Member Posts: 1,388 Pioneering
    @lisathomas50 It's my word against hers. She has actually accused me of being the abusive one in the relationship after I made accusations against her. There is no evidence of anything, it was mental and emotional abuse. It still goes on when she gets a chance but the things she says and does aren't seen by other people as abusive because they are triggers aimed for me. Only a few people very close to me know what has really gone on. The reaction I received from the authorities was enough to put me off that route. I do have photos and recordings of some things that happened but nobody even wants to see them. Thank you for your concern.

  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    @cartha so sorry I have no words it will come to light one day hope you can get help with this so that you can have closure  😊 I had alot of help to get my closure you will get there she isnt worth it 😊
  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    I don't know if abuse and violence are down to revenge because it has happened to them, but it does seem like it's the good guys that are targeted. Men and women. 
     All of my girlfriends before, were great, I still talk to most of them on social media, ive been really lucky that way. I was 28 when I  was accused, life went downhill from then. I walked straight into the abusive relationship, that was great at first. Then my first son to her was born, that's when the controlling started ,she knew that I'd lost access to a son when i was 21, I wouldn't get back with her, ao she refused me access, so knew i would do whatever she wanted to be with my son,i was still kicked out for a variety of petty reasons. 
     Ive been single for 4 years now, by choice, fear,  but my isolating has made me realise how lonely i am now. 
  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    edited March 22
    Now that it's coming out, i could probably write a short book about the experiences of me and my brother, who was the only person I could talk to, i wouldn't dare tell my sisters,  ive got 5,older, but he died 3 weeks ago of covid.
  • Caz_AlumniCaz_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 626 Pioneering
    edited March 22
    Hello @Audinut70

    I wanted to get in touch with you about your recent posts above. I'm pretty new to the community and we haven't spoken before, but I can see that you've had a lot going on recently and you've also had a lot to deal with in the past, particularly when you talk about the experiences of you and your brother. 

    I just wanted to reach out, offer my support, and maybe encourage you to have a think about the help that might be available to you - either in terms of perhaps reporting some of the things that you've mentioned, or speaking to somebody who could offer you some additional support. 

    Do message us if that's something that you would like to speak about, or there's anything else that we can help you with.

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  • carthacartha Member Posts: 1,388 Pioneering
    Sorry to hear about your brother, @Audinut70. I lost access to my first daughter when I was 24/25 and she was just a few weeks old but we were lucky enough to get in touch again when she was eighteen. As much as I don't want to get into a relationship and experience more problems, I also wish I had someone close who I could spend time with and grow old with.
  • woodbinewoodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 4,534 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine utter madness whsts wrong with people 
    People are angry about the proposed new "crime bill"
    "Putting a child into care, isn't caring for a child" (T.Rhattigan)
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine so they committ crime  because they don't agree with a crime bill  well let's hope they get the punishment thry deserve 
  • woodbinewoodbine Community Co-Production Group Posts: 4,534 Disability Gamechanger
    I'm not going to get in to the rights and wrongs, all I will say is that sometimes the people want to be heard, and then rent a mob turns up and it turns into a mini riot, most of the demonstrators were just having their say and were committing no crimes.
    "Putting a child into care, isn't caring for a child" (T.Rhattigan)
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Posts: 4,363 Disability Gamechanger
    @woodbine just the minority then as normal 
  • Audinut70Audinut70 Member Posts: 122 Pioneering
    Hi,@Caz_Scope. Thanks for the understanding, obviously, the police knew about my being accused, and pushing for slander or defamation, would have just drew more attention, my life was already in danger. 
     The violence and abuse, i chose to live with, because not doing so, leaving, would have meant not seeing my sons. Reporting it now would just incur more threats and violence from her family. I live happily now, knowing that my sons hate that side of their family, men and women. They've had their own experiences of abuse from them. 
     I had it for 15 years, they had it till about 4 years ago, they refused to have anything to do with them, thats when I left knowing they were old enough, and couldn't be turned against me. I still get on with her, and held when she needs it. To be honest, my relationship isn't my main problem, where I grew up, fighting was part of life. Being accused of what I was, where I lived, didn't give much life expectancy. The pure fact of who really knew me, and my family got me through. 
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