Mens abuse

Cher_Alumni

@Audinut70 To advise, I've removed offensive language from your post and want to remind you of our community guidelines.  As you came to the community for support, we expect you also to be supportive of others and I'd like you to bear in mind keeping things friendly including being respectful of others opinions even where you might not agree with them.

To my knowledge no-one has disputed that either sex can cause harm and if we can listen to others experiences without judgement then that's one way of moving forwards. As you say yourself:

 Simple fact is, blaming each other, doesn't accomplish anything, except creating even more bad feelings towards each other.

Lisatho11987777

As I have said before children can have the best life ever but still committ crime rich happy people committ crime the only fault there is 
It is the person who has committed the crime wether it be a man a woman or a child we are not our children and our children are not us we  are all individual people 

Lisatho11987777

1.8 million single parents In the UK 90 per cent single mothers and 10 per cent single fathers  figures on the gingerbread site 

Lisatho11987777

212,000 same sex parents  (,gay) according to national statistics  website 

Lisatho11987777

There are 1.8 million parents who have a disability 

Lisatho11987777

Sorry 1.7 million disabled parents 

Lisatho11987777

545 males arrested in England and Wales in 2020 and 96 females 

87 000 men were raped in England and Wales it is higher for women but it happens more than prople think  think all these figures are online

The individuals are to blame  

Audinut70

I apologise for my language, and like i said, I'm not blaming anyone, and people generalising the problem  just doesn't help. kids grow up in many different environments, some not good, in fact really bad. I would love to watch tv and not hear that someone has been stabbed or sexually assaulted. The law is not going to stop this problem! Some of the sentences are laughable. Another woman assaulted by a police officer yesterday, that made me mad, they make an oath to protect. It just made me think,'why'? There has got to be a way out of this, throwing stones isn't one of them. 

Lisatho11987777

@Audinut70 crimes like this go back years and police men have been known to committ crime for years the law punishes but it doesn't always stop them re offending  even in prison 

There is only so much the law can do crimes against children are high  as well the law needs to look at harder punishment and therapy 

I cant remember what the programme was I was watching but there were male and female sexoffenders  and they were saying why they did it and a few of them blamed tv programmes  they wanted to try it to see what it was like 

I think these days it's reported more than it used to be or we notice more becsusecwe are in lock down 

Knife crime has escalated over the past year people's behaviors seem to have changed since the pandemic from seeing the news and reading newspapers 

I am surprised how many married people rape or harm in pairs but thsts not new either rose and Fred West  myra Hindley and her partner 

When you hear about the police committing crimes have they done it before and got away with it ??

There is a case being reopend in wales the Clydach murders its now thought that a serving police officer committed the crimes and not the person who is in prison 

Lisatho11987777

@woodbine yes thats very true but as you say whst is needed is therapy  and things like that  becsuse even life isn't life when you thry go to prison thdy could be out in 15 years 

They could curfew and tag people with a less serious crime  but people still come out of prison and some not all do re offend  it's also been known thst some one with less serous crimes thst have come out of prison have gone on to committ a more serious crime 

Audinut70

This Will make a lot of people happy, i wont be posting anything here again, there's not much point. I certainly won't be recommending it to any friends. Our problems cant be discussed. We just have to put up and shut up. 1 member of staff here has offered any kind of support. His is supposed to be a support forum, yet i feel more alienated than ever. The cause of my depression, are telling me that I'm the problem. I won't be specific, like im supposed to be, because nobody wants to hear it. These people need to take a long, hard look at themselves, A support forum that leaves you feeling worse than before you joined. Having to worry about what you say, because what's going on in your head has to be censored. As long as discrimination towards men is acceptable, everyone can be happy. As long as it is too sensitive to talk about. 
I will look for a forum that isn't biased against men. 

Ross_Alumni

I'm sorry to read you won't be posting anymore @Audinut70, it certainly isn't the intention of the community to make you feel as though your thoughts and feelings aren't welcome. 

Just to be clear, we don't tolerate discrimination of any kind on the community, nor do we discourage people from speaking about their experiences of discrimination, I think people here were just mainly trying to say that no one gender should be considered fully responsible for discrimination existing in society, or how a child turns out.

Experiences such as yours are needed to raise awareness and strive for improvement, and of course it can be beneficial to speak about what you've been through with others, in the hope that they can help you feel better or provide advice. I apologise that we haven't been able to help you it seems. 

If you or anyone has been a victim of gender discrimination then of course that's dreadful, and even more so if you have been the victim of abuse. I accept your wish not to post on the community anymore, however you are always welcome here, and if you want to carry on the conversation privately you can always email us at community@scope.org.uk.

Audinut70

Experiences such as mine! Nobody wants to hear about about experiences such as mine, it forces people to admit that men aren't the only problem. Ive just been watching the big question! One woman called men misogynistic because he said women tell lies, im living proof they do, unfortunately, 4 of my friends aren't fortunate enough to be here to say the same .they killed themselves because they couldn't see their kids, and lied about in court to make sure they never did. And ill get blasted for telling the truth nobody wants to hear. Women tell lies, women are violent to men, women abuse men. But lets not worry about that eh! Tell me, do you still want to hear my experiences, it involves every one of them?

NotReally

lisathomas50 said:

The individuals are to blame 

While this is absolutely true, it is also true that there are endemic cultural issues that needs to be addressed. 

I've been the victim of domestic abuse, both emotional and physical, and while my former wife needs to take responsibility for her actions (although I think this is extremely unlikely), I also see the underlaying influences that pushed her towards the abusive behaviour - which are essentially the same cultural influences that push the men who engage in this behaviour in the same ways. 

Unless we as a society address these issues, the violence and abuse will continue.

Ross_Alumni

NotReally said:

lisathomas50 said:

The individuals are to blame 

While this is absolutely true, it is also true that there are endemic cultural issues that needs to be addressed. 

I've been the victim of domestic abuse, both emotional and physical, and while my former wife needs to take responsibility for her actions (although I think this is extremely unlikely), I also see the underlaying influences that pushed her towards the abusive behaviour - which are essentially the same cultural influences that push the men who engage in this behaviour in the same ways. 

Unless we as a society address these issues, the violence and abuse will continue.

I'm sorry to read that you've been a victim. Was the abuse reported and dealt with at the time? And have you received support to move on from it?

NotReally

Ross_Scope said:

NotReally said:

I've been the victim of domestic abuse, both emotional and physical, and while my former wife needs to take responsibility for her actions (although I think this is extremely unlikely), I also see the underlaying influences that pushed her towards the abusive behaviour - which are essentially the same cultural influences that push the men who engage in this behaviour in the same ways. 

Unless we as a society address these issues, the violence and abuse will continue.

I'm sorry to read that you've been a victim. Was the abuse reported and dealt with at the time? And have you received support to move on from it?

No ... this is ... probably the biggest regret of my life, to not have phoned the police when I had the physical evidence on my body of what happened.  Especially so right now, as I am struggling to deal with regaining access / visitation contact with my son.

Everything would be very different at this point if I had been able to see past my own unconscious preconceptions around gender. As I said ... endemic cultural issues.

I have been trying to access support / treatment for PTSD for over three years now; I am now on a waiting list for EMDR therapy, and hopefully something will happen at some point this year.  I will also try contacting some of the organisations that @Tori_Scope posted earlier, when I'm able.

Ross_Alumni

I'm sorry to read that not reporting it is so much of a regret for you now @NotReally, but please don't blame yourself, it's hard to speak about those kinds of things, and there can often be a stigma attached to opening up about them. If you do ever consider going to the police, you can find information on this page about how you could go about doing so.

I'm glad that you are considering contacting some of the organisations shared by Tori, I think they would be able to help you. But please only do so when you feel ready. 

It's a shame that you've struggled to access support for your PTSD, again maybe those organisations will be able to offer some advice in that regard. I do hope the EMDR therapy happens this year and works well for you.

Audinut70

Does being set up to be accused of child abuse, for the compensation to pay off drug debts come under underlying situations? Even the child protection unit officers knew it was ****. But because statements had been made, they had to process me. They apologised aftet forensics proved me innocent. Well its out there now. My sisters don't even know about,  if they did,my accusers wouldnt be walking around today. 
 I am sorry to hear about your situation,  the worst of it is, i had learned to live with it, the abuse and violence i could have walked away from, but would have meant losing contact with my kids. It's this attack on men that's brought it all back. And the lack of accountability. After what I've been through, i still know its a minority of women, and have never considered treating women any differently, and i still stand by them against mindless violence. Thank you for making feel that I'm not the only one. 

Lisatho11987777

Last night in Bristol becsuse of the police officer killing Sarah thst started all this off a police van was set on fire  

leeCal

When I was married at the age of seventeen I complained about my dinner and my wife ran a dinner knife over my arm. It was quite a shock and I left her for good about a month later. That was almost fifty years ago.