Autism/Depression

Going back to the sleep thing - as autistic people go, I think I'm quite lucky in that most of the time I manage to sleep. I am a night owl and like being up late but I try not to do this too much if I have work the next day as I need as much brain function as possible ;)

When my brain is anxious/wound up about something, then I might struggle to sleep. It can be a small thing or an idea that's buzzing around or a song that won't shut off, or if I spend too much time doing one activity, it becomes locked in my brain and then it's hard to power down. In those cases I have an audiobook on standby. I don't like to listen to fiction at night because I want to follow the plot, but I have a few non-fiction books which I listen to and it helps my brain disengage from whatever it's got stuck on.

I don't take any medication unless I have to, my body really doesn't like it. I had a cold recently and I had to take stuff for that and it absolutely messed up my sleep pattern and my functionality. Today's the first day I haven't had to use my inhaler in a week and a half and I am so relieved…

does anyone ever feel like you just don’t belong, like you don’t fit in with your family or friends or anyone. I try so hard with my relationships to make an effort, to be a good person/friend, I help out, I never let people down, I am good listener, I am extremely thoughtful and kind yet I always end up left out and not invited to things, or just feeling like I am not wanted or even liked.

I have had awful relationships I seem to attract narcissists and sociopaths, makes me want to just cut myself off from everyone. It got to the point in my life where I started thinking that it’s me as every single person in my life treats me differently to everyone else, ppl are always hurting me and treating me like a door mat, how could it be everyone else and not be something wrong with me. Then I think of each situation or relationship and all I do is give and give, all they do is take. I literally go through my life following rules in my head with everything, making sure I am always doing the right thing, always being thoughtful and kind, I have really strong morals and integrity, I am always mindful of my surroundings and considerate to others, I have a ridiculous amount of empathy so I care deeply about others. I see everyone else going through life with no consideration or care for anyone but themselves.