How is your day going?

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  • Elvisdog
    Elvisdog Online Community Member Posts: 27 Connected

    I've had a bit of a stressful day, my mum who is a very fit 74yr old, tries to come for a couple of hours on Tuesday's with my niece, to basically sort me and my house out. I have a number of physical and mental health difficulties, my two sons both have Neurodivergent's and other health issues. I really appreciate my mum coming and everything she does for us, but I get so stressed the day before they come, i can't sleep, im trying to do everything so she is pleased when she arrives, but there is always something she is critical about, the dust in bedrooms, my bathroom, which is covered in black mould and broken floor tiles, for which I'm with a solicitor for the past 2yrs, taking my local council to court as they won't do repairs. Today I was sorting out our clothes out of the dryer, that I put in to separate piles, she took them off me mixing both of my son's clothes together, I pointed out that she now had a mixed pile, she wagged her finger at me, clenching her teeth telling me she knew that, I said that they moan as they get each other's washing. She went mad still wagging her finger at me, in front of my carer and neice, I asked her not to point her finger at me that I'm 57 and she wouldn't have put up with anyone doing it to her. She said she was going she'd had enough, I told her she didn't need to come every Tuesday we manage as best we can. She stayed and I sort of apologised, and said thank you for all of her help. My oldest son came down after she left unaware of what had happened, he said nan had gave him my other son's washing mixed with his. I don't know whether to laugh or cry, sorry for such a long rant 😅 🙃

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Posts: 3,262 Championing

    Snap !! Well i havent seen my mum in years shes in devon she walks 5 hours aday shes 73 does all her own painting gardening ect i do speak on phone to her and shes always putting me down and gloating about herself i just cant see her in the flesh she makes my body dismorphia so so bad will critize my weight just everything my daughter says why do i care or even bother calling her becasue she wont me i guess i want to be accepted by her hard isnt it im 53 she makes me feel 10

  • Marydoll5
    Marydoll5 Online Community Member Posts: 650 Championing

    @Elvisdog and @Catherine21 I hear you and sorry you had to endure that elvisdog. You were brilliant asserting yourself and telling her not to point at you. I had a very toxic dad.

    I couldn't bear the way he put me down and was cruel when my mum got Alzheimers. After mums funeral I left, no big announcement and havent seen him since 5 years now.

    When we were at registrar appointment there was a form question on parent name address etc and if they were still living. There wasn't a tick box for don't know so I picked yes and had a giggle internally.

    Black humour is the way I deal with family 😊

  • Elvisdog
    Elvisdog Online Community Member Posts: 27 Connected

    Im sure from other people's comments and first hand experience, they are looking for any unusual amounts ie pay cheque's any regular payments being paid into your account that are not benefits. I have to buy online groceries, I use uber eats when I'm in to much pain and I can't cook, I send money to my son's when they need it. It's normal for alot of people in our situation my mum and dad sent me money at Christmas to help me while i migrated from. ESA SG to UC. It's all explainable, which the things you mention are. They expect you to buy food or things that you need such as ordering from Ebay, Argos etc. You have bills you have to pay out for, the benefits you get are for you to be able to live like everyone else. You need help because you may not be able to work, or you are limited in what you can safely do. You may need to pay for things such as taxi's to get from A to B. I know its easier said than done, I struggle with assessments and forms that I have to complete for 3 of us. But it works its self out in the end. I hope you feel better soon, try and see if you can take the cystitis powders they don't cure it as such but it helps alleviate the uncomfortable feeling.

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Online Community Member Posts: 205 Empowering

    Family relationship is complicated. But I think they do it because they know you do not like it. Just follow suit. Play along. If you are ignoring their critique or not paying attention they will stop and think of something else . I have family who always tried to wind me up.. I am sorry but at times you we have to be strong. Don't allow anyone to make you feel small. Respect is mutual . And If they don't...it does not matter the other party are your parents. It works with other people. I remember a case a person trying to degrade me . I said to him . Tell me something I do not know.. and he stopped. .. or say you so so smart . I do not know .. but don't show frustration because is what they want. Some people love to see the other side suffering frustrated etc... and sadly sometimes it is your own family. Sorry for the long message.

  • Marydoll5
    Marydoll5 Online Community Member Posts: 650 Championing

    Hi @Lou67

    I'm all good. Got venue for ceremony booked yesterday and caterers today.

    I'm enjoying organising everything this time around 😆

    Hope alls good with you and all the family

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 60,892 Championing

    Had a nice couple of hours out shopping in the village. Good to be home tho. @Marydoll5 exciting wedding shopping

  • Schildpad
    Schildpad Online Community Member Posts: 205 Empowering

    Evening.. I hope to feel better tomorrow. Very bad anxiety but not as bad as yesterday.

    Sleep well.

  • Teigr
    Teigr Online Community Member Posts: 4,723 Championing

    Morning all.

    I've started my Christmas shopping.

  • Teigr
    Teigr Online Community Member Posts: 4,723 Championing

    Lovely photo of your granddaughters @Amberpearl,I hope you're feeling better soon.

  • Amberpearl
    Amberpearl Online Community Member Posts: 1,708 Championing

    Thank you

    I'm still in pain

    Had restless sleep

    I can't do the bank statements until this infection gone

    I can't keep off the loo

    Least I have til the 10th

    How long do they take to cone back to you after you submit them

  • Lou67
    Lou67 Online Community Member Posts: 8,686 Championing

    Morning all I hope yous have a good day whatever your plans are.
    I have my youngest granddaughter Lottie coming at 10 for me to watch for a few hours

    @Teigr
    Hi I hope your good have you really started your Christmas shopping I know a lot of people do start in the January sales.

    @Amberpearl
    Sorry you had a bad night but hopefully the antibiotics kick in soon.

    @Marydoll5
    Hiya Mary I’m so pleased your enjoying the run up to your wedding and best of all doing it your way 💕

    ❤️

  • Teigr
    Teigr Online Community Member Posts: 4,723 Championing

    I'm not sure how long they take to get back to you @Amberpearl ,it sounds like it should be pretty straightforward in your case so hopefully not too long.

  • Amberpearl
    Amberpearl Online Community Member Posts: 1,708 Championing

    Yes I hope so. Hard to concentrate on anything

  • Amberpearl
    Amberpearl Online Community Member Posts: 1,708 Championing

    Il try to send them at the weekend. Once this infection has gone

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 60,892 Championing

    Morning everyone Xmas shopping @Teigr

    Enjoy your day with your family @Lou67

  • Marydoll5
    Marydoll5 Online Community Member Posts: 650 Championing

    Hi everyone

    @Teigr I must admit I got present bags and labels in the January sales!

    @Lou67 enjoy your morning with wee Lottie. I can't wait for a grandchild to spoil.

    @Amberpearl hope the antibiotics kick in and you feel a bit better today

    Got wedding cake booked this morning. I don't have teigrs skills so I outsourced it 😊

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 60,892 Championing

    Having a lazy day today

  • ShadowyBramble
    ShadowyBramble Online Community Member Posts: 211 Empowering

    Sometimes they're just needed aren't they? 🤗

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 60,892 Championing

    Yeah @ShadowyBramble everywhere is tidy, so coffee and TV. How are you today