How is your day going?

Zippy1983

I’m just questioning why I’m doing things at the moment, I feel ridiculous going to the cinema on my own but also embarrassed as well. I’m ashamed that as a former gardener that three months since getting the barrels and plants that nothing apart from a bit of varnish has been done.

I’m just also questioning myself with money and inability to save up to get my flat decorated. I just don’t like that I spend so much on take away each month even though I get shopping in.
I wish I had a directive in place for someone to have control of my finances and all aspects of my life.

I do wish that in 1983 that Dr’s and Nurses hadn’t succeeded in keeping me alive, I’m just glad I’ve got a Funeral Plan in place for the future.

I don’t like who I am, how I look, I’m ashamed that I’ve let down all of my family and loved ones, I deserve to be on my own, I’m a train wreck of a person, my head is seriously snookered, as is my body, I’ve just got nothing going for me, I’m angry, horrible, u just, uncaring, cold, defensive and absolutely the last person anyone on this earth should be within a mile of.

As of next week I am going to go back to isolating myself, not speaking to the outside world, I’m cancelling my trip to Antalya, if I can’t look after myself then how could I look after a pet, I don’t care what happens to me anymore and couldn’t care less that I’m still here in the next five years!

Nightcity

I'm similar ATM zippy

I'm getting very angry at life and myself.

I nearly choked to death on a piece of bacon Thursday got stuck half down half up and had to slam my chest into the worktop to dislodge it so I'll never eat that again.

today mums car cam belt broke so we now are isolated completely. we have clashed all day she keeps trying to invite her friend in, I've asked really nicely to meet elsewhere even offered to pay for a taxi a few coffees etc, I told her nicely again and again I don't want or need it right now and to please meet elsewhere.

tbh I don't live anymore I exist under sufferance as both mum and the Gp well know it's getting tiresome. I think the bacon was a sign but loke yourself no longer care.

btw I always went cinema on my own nothing wrong with that, although I haven't gone in years.

Rachel_Scope

@Zippy1983 I'm so sorry you're feeling like this. There's nothing wrong with going to the cinema on your own, I think doing things by ourselves should be more normalised! What aspects of your life do you feel you some direction with? I'm sure there'll be support out there for you.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you haven't let everyone down. A trip to Antalya could be great for you. It's somewhere new where you can relax and gather your thoughts.

I sent you an email earlier, did you receive it?