I Am Too Proud To Ask For Help 🤔

Rag_793

I have lived on the old Blue Spinning Ball for 43 years and it is fair to say that life has been like a Donkey Kong Roller Coaster…..

I have battled multiple mental and physical conditions for every single breath I have taken. I was often told that I wouldn’t amount to anything, that I couldn’t do this, I couldn’t do that because the challenges that I faced.

I guess that made me regress into myself from early childhood, often isolating myself away from my peers, always thinking I was right, that I was never wrong, having a stubborn streak and above all saying “well if your saying that I can’t do this or that, then I am going to do so and then some”

This led to me always having instilled me, being afraid to ask for help or support. Which I guess hindered me or got me in trouble more times than I have had hot dinner.

I guess what really made me finally acknowledge and recognise that I had disabilities was somethings so trivial - a job application form…. When you reach the question Do You Have a Disability? I read the options and then it slowly dawned on me that I actually did have disabilities and limitations.

I would guess the last six years have truly hammered all of this home tenfold as I went from caring for people with Mental and Physical Disabilities in there own homes, to now six years later I needed to move into an Supported Living Adapted Flat that would lead to me having to learn how to use all of the adaptations all the while I was battling myself, questioning did I need these adaptations, being in conflict with who I was now as someone who had mental and physical disabilities, always thinking that oh I can do this, or I can do that just like I used to do.

By living alone away from my family and friends and ex wives x2 🤦‍♂️(glutton for punishment) has given me time to learn more about myself than I have in 23 months than I had for the rest of my life.

I realised that I had to stop being to proud, stubborn and set in my ways. I had to say I need Help….

Disabled Railway Card, Blue Badge, Disabled Gold Card, Nimbus Card etc are all massive vital things we all have access to 💛

It opened my eyes to see how hard, taxing and challenging it was to have to change tac on how you book hotels, train journeys, hotels, public transport. Then on the other side looking at holidays abroad brought a whole host of new questions and challenges, but just saying that I need U,V,W,X,Y and Z. Then they just said that is what we are here for, it literally takes the weight off your shoulders massively.

Looking at where you want to go on a train, then selecting your times for there and back. But then you add Passenger Assistance for each leg of your train journey is another weight gets taken off your shoulders.

Theatre Shows, Concert Shows, Museums etc all have there own individual challenges and obstacles that must be overcome, which I must admit stresses me out greatly. It wasn’t until I visited the Titanic Exhibition and had to walk long distances between the hall and the exhibit that left me absolutely broken and exhausted.

This was the catalyst for me to reach out to my GP Surgery for advice about using a Rollator Walker, I thought if I am standing at a bus stop with no seat I can sit down and rest, or if I am in a queue for a show I can sit on it to take weight off my legs and hips. But a small fall at home when I got up and turned to quickly with my walking stick and fell sideways on the settee made me rethink my whole plan. Instead I use it each and every time I leave the house and have the benefit of it massively.

One place that is always hard to ask for help in the last six years has always been the local CMHT to get extended Psychological Therapy, but after throwing tantrums, alongside all the toys in the pram and stamping my feet I finally got onto the waiting list.

How do you all feel yourselves about asking for Help and Support?

Please don’t feel under any pressure to answer 😊

Rosie_Scope

I am almost comically bad at asking for help sometimes @Rag_793! I'm trying to do better at it but I have a real independence streak and combined with some of my past struggles, I don't often want to invite people in if I'm not doing well. But the times that I do manage it often lead to good things, so it's definitely something to work on for the future. As you mentioned, sometimes it takes an event or a catalyst to help you see that you're holding yourself back a bit.

Glad to hear you're on the waiting list for some therapy. Sometimes making a fuss is the only way to get what you need! Have they told you how long the wait might be? Hopefully you're not waiting too long.

SheffieldMan1976

I've always been the exact opposite, never afraid to stand up and be counted.

Don't get me wrong, being proud's not a bad thing but to quote Cheetara in the original late 80s Thundercats "Pride can be a good thing, but pride carried too far can be foolish"

ChrisR777

Cheetara? didn't she used to say "oi oi savaloy", or was that big Jim at The King's Head? 🤔

Emilee

@Rag_793, asking for help can be one of the hardest things to do, especially if you've lived your life feeling like you have something to prove.

I grew up in a time when you just got on with things. You didn't ask for help because you were expected to cope. The difference was that there was often a community around you, family nearby, neighbours who knew you, people who would quietly step in without you having to ask. And it worked both ways. People noticed each other and helped without needing to ask.

I've spent much of my adult life feeling like I had something to prove, especially once I became disabled. Asking for help felt like admitting defeat so I would push through usually at my own expense.

Somewhat ironically we're now encouraged to ask for help, but I don't know about anyone else but I find myself with far fewer people I could reach out to at all, unless it's professionals.

I've learnt (and I guess am still learning) that accepting help doesn't erase who I am or what I've achieved. It's actually a way of showing self-care and acceptance.

It's remembering you are worthy of helping.

Rag_793

Since my ex wife left me in 2023, I have come to realise that I have never known a normal day in my life. I have lost some friends due to the marriage breaking up as they were very judgemental and opinionated to say the least. I had two very good mates in Stockport & Oldham, both of whom have their own battles with mental health but have a support network around them. I sat down and thought to myself that in the space of time of my second breakdown, being in a mental health unit until finally living in my own flat, that they had access to a car and could of easily popped down to see me. I got fed up of being the one who was sending a message out, never the effort the other way. So I made the call to just close down contact with them, alongside completely wiping all of my social media and messaging apps.
I find that by being on my own I can concentrate on myself, my health, wellbeing and being in the present moment. By doing this I have chosen to walk this path alone, a path that I find I have been on since I was born and had inside of me a resilient, battered and weathered will to keep going no matter the obstacle or challenges.

Holly_Alumni

Hi @Rag_793 sorry to hear about the situation with your two close friends. I find as I'm getting older, my circle is getting a lot smaller too. It's sad to lose people but if your making the effort and it's impacting you negatively, then I totally get why you want to take a step back and concentrate on you for a bit. Maybe after a bit of time you might naturally come back together. But either way, it's good you're putting your needs first. You might meet new people too when you're ready.

Rag_793

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1141936#Comment_1141936

If I am honest with myself Holly, I am content to live a quiet life on my own. I find that way I can listen to my mind and body, know what my limitations are and take life at my pace.

Holly_Alumni

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1141960#Comment_1141960

That's the main thing - do what makes you happy 😊🙌

Pilgrim

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/148056/i-am-too-proud-to-ask-for-help

Pilgrim

I rely on lifts to church and everyone knows that. I refuse to ask someone each time because I feel that if they want to pick me up they would. We are all on the church WhatsApp so if anyone offers others know that they don't need to but I often miss a meeting because no one offered.

Rag_793

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1144238#Comment_1144238

that is wonderful that you have such a close knit community ❤️

Pilgrim

Well I did ask the minister why I sometimes couldn't get a lift and he said that they had busy lives. On a Sunday?

Rag_793

well that’s an interesting 🤨