Morning, how's your day going so far?

66Mustang

My brother was abusive again to my parents today, I managed to escape upstairs. Dealing with it by having another drink. I know it’s not the solution but I don’t know of any others - parents won’t tell him to stop or he’s out, they just take it lying down. To be honest it’s not even my problem I just feel so sorry for my parents!

66Mustang

Sorry shouldn’t have posted that - just a bit emotional - will leave it up anyway in case anyone has any ideas.

chiarieds

Hi @66Mustang - I'm ever so sorry about what's happening with your brother, but, if I may be bold enough to say, it's a problem not only for your parents, but it also obviously affects you, so it's a problem for you all. When things are calmer, would you be able to talk to your parents & give them your perspective? As my children are adults themselves now, I find I appreciate their thoughtful comments, & it's made us all stronger, as we help support each other. Perhaps your parents would appreciate your support & understanding too. My best wishes.

66Mustang

Thanks @chiarieds for the kind message. I have tried talking to them when things are calmer but they don’t seem too bothered by it and are just happy that things are calm at that point! I appreciate what you say though, about it being everyone’s problem. I will try talking to them again.

At the end of the day, though, maybe it is down to my parents to decide whether they are happy putting up with the aggression? I can’t tell them to be offended after all - if they are happy then so be it I guess? To give my brother credit where it is due he is never aggressive towards me as he knows it really affects me but I do wish he would do the same for my parents!

Allymcd84

Hope things improve.

Maybe you need outside help and if worst comes to the worst authorities should be involved.

You cannot all live like that.

Hopefully things can be resolved.

But I do feel you need outside help.

best wishes x

Sandy_123

@66Mustang are you ok? I'm sorry to read about your brother being abusive to your parents. It could be that they don't know what to do as its their son. Its a difficult situation, have you spoke to your brother about it?.
We are here any time you need us and I'm glad you posted it so we can support you.

66Mustang

Thanks @Allymcd84

I think when I said “abusive” I was maybe a bit emotional as he isn’t violent or anything like that, just verbally nasty (and occasionally “violent” towards inanimate objects)

I do appreciate your kind words, thanks

66Mustang

Thank you Sandy

Being honest I’m a bit scared to speak to him about it but I have approached the topic in the past.

If I’m being really honest I would say he, occasionally, has a point in his arguments (my parents agree), it’s just the way he puts them forward which is not acceptable. I guess when people feel wronged or someone questions their judgement they sometimes get angry which is where the aggression comes from?

I think he maybe needs a bit of professional help with his anger personally, but he won’t entertain that idea

Sandy_123

@66Mustang when your brother is all calm can you try approach it I wouldn't at the moment, its not nice feeling scared. 

chiarieds

I don't normally talk about what was my personal situation, but my husband was 'just' verbally abusive. As my son correctly identified (as he looked long & hard on the internet trying to find out why his Dad was like he was), this normally includes emotional abuse. I used to wish my husband would be physically abusive so I would have a reason to leave him; I didn't know women like me could be helped. I have learnt that 'just' verbal or emotional abuse can perhaps be just as hard to deal with as physical abuse. So, having been on the receiving end of that for decades, I can only say it's very, very difficult, & sometimes it's easier to keep the status quo for the sake of peace, which perhaps your parents are doing.

Being 'verbally nasty' is abuse, I can assure you, & it hurts. Just my perspective as a parent, & I'm sure yours would wish things different, & would definitely appreciate your support. My daughter thought I'd never leave her Dad; my son helped me to do so. My son, daughter & I are all so much closer now than I ever thought possible.

Sandy_123

@chiarieds I'm glad you left that situation, as hard as it would of been for you at the time. 
It is abuse, someone being verbal, it knocks your confidence and it does hurt, can make you feel worthless. 

66Mustang

@chiarieds @Sandy_123 @Allymcd84 sorry if I missed anyone!

Thanks for sharing that, Chiarieds, that is really helpful. I am very sorry that you had to go through that.

Also thank you very much to everyone for your kind and supportive messages yesterday. Also for all of the suggestions. It all helped me get through a tough moment and gives me a lot to think about over the next few days.

Sandy_123

Morning @66Mustang any time you need us xx 

Tori_Scope

I'm glad the community could be there for you last night with some excellent points @66Mustang

I do agree it could be worth speaking to your parents about this again. As chiarieds said, it clearly affects all of you, even if he doesn't tend to be aggressive towards you personally. It can be easy to find yourself thinking that 'it only happens sometimes' or 'isn't that bad', so it could prompt them to consider your brother's behaviour more seriously and work out if there's a way you can all move forward in a more positive direction.

It could also be worth bringing this up to anybody else in your support system (mental health team, friend, other family member etc.) to get some external perspective and support too. 

Of course if you or your family were ever in danger, or if things got too much, then please remember you should contact the emergency services.

Thanks for sharing your story @chiarieds I'm glad that you had the courage to leave that situation, and that it's made you and your children closer. That must have been extremely difficult. 

Sandy_123

Morning another dull rainy day, seem to be having problems with boiler today, its working but can't see the steam blowing out side like usual.   

66Mustang

@Sandy_123 Hopefully it may just be something simple like there was already hot water in the system so it didn't need to heat any more? Ours seems to expel steam at random times usually when we are using the hot water but not necessarily. Keep an eye on it, hopefully it's OK

Sandy_123

@66Mustang hmm its heating radiators n water ok, maybe having an off day

Sandy_123

Morning all, I'm hoping to get washing on line today, after all the rain we've had.looking promising 

Caz_Alumni

I'm a bit late today! And it's no longer morning, I know.

But just wanted to ask how everybody was doing this fine Friday? What are we all up to today?

66Mustang

Hi everyone

I'm trying to finish off an assignment but finding it quite tricky

What about everybody else?