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Share a joke with us!

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  • KevStA
    KevStA Community member Posts: 12 Courageous
    What is the difference between a stoat and a weasel  ??

    One is weasily recognised and the other is stoatily different
  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Posts: 10,586 Disability Gamechanger
    I sold my vacuum the other day.

    All it was doing was collecting dust. 
    Scope

  • KevStA
    KevStA Community member Posts: 12 Courageous
    Who is the coolest guy in hospital ??
    The ultrasound guy.
    When the ultrasound guy is on holiday who is the coolest guy in hospital ??
    The hip replacement guy.
  • KevStA
    KevStA Community member Posts: 12 Courageous
    I said to the Doctor "Doctor, Doctor, I've broken my arm in two places"

    "Stop going to these two places"
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0 Pioneering
    Okay so I just asked my Google Home speaker to tell me a joke...

    "What did the walnut say to the cashew? I walnut let you down."

    I take no responsibility for this joke :D 
  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 10,821 Scope online community team
    Alexa should hang her head in shame:
    "What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers."
    Community Manager
    Scope
  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
    I posted my boomerang ‘Return to sender’
    when it returned I told the postman “you can have it if you like” He said “no”, I said “why not?” He said “I don’t want any comebacks.”

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 11,521 Disability Gamechanger
    edited June 2020
    A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mum was talking about her side of the family."
    2024 The year of the general election...the time for change is coming 💡

  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
    Where do quick sketch artists come from? 

    Pencil Vania.

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
    My six year old asked “who puts the bubbles in my lemonade?” I told him straight ...“fizzyologists.”

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Posts: 10,586 Disability Gamechanger
    Why don't grasshoppers like football?

    They're all about cricket!

    *You've got Alexa to thank for this one.
    Scope

  • KevStA
    KevStA Community member Posts: 12 Courageous
    What do you call a Frenchman who wears sandals?


    Phillipe Ferlop
  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0 Pioneering
    During the Corona crisis my dentist said I should tend to my teeth on my own.

    How? I asked.

    He said "Brace yourself" 
  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
    What’s the secret code that sheep use?

    Baa code.

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

  • Chloe_Scope
    Chloe_Scope Posts: 10,586 Disability Gamechanger
    These have made me laugh far too much!  :D
    Scope

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0 Pioneering
    @Chloe_Scope
    Likewise, there are some crackers! 

    What's a dog's favourite dinosaur film? 

    Jurassic Bark 
  • wilko
    wilko Community member Posts: 2,458 Disability Gamechanger
    Paddy phoned Murphy, I’ve just reading the local paper and in the recently deceased column that you died.Murphy replied,  yes I see that, Paddy asked,  it doesn’t say the cause of death or date of the funeral .
  • leeCal
    leeCal Community member Posts: 7,550 Disability Gamechanger
    For three days running mick had driven past a field and seen spud in the middle of it reading a newspaper. In the end he had to know why and so he went over and asked him “ why are you in this field everyday reading a newspaper?” Spud replied “ oh, cos it says in this here paper that if you want to get a knighthood you have to be outstanding in your field.”
    (Jethro)

    “This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.” 
    ― Dalai Lama XIV

  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 10,821 Scope online community team
    edited July 2020
    A pantomime villain has escaped the theatre and is at large in a nearby town. 

    Residents are being told to look out, he’s behind you!
    Community Manager
    Scope

Brightness