Share a joke with us!
Comments
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What is the difference between a stoat and a weasel ??
One is weasily recognised and the other is stoatily different
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I sold my vacuum the other day.
All it was doing was collecting dust.Scope -
Who is the coolest guy in hospital ??
The ultrasound guy.
When the ultrasound guy is on holiday who is the coolest guy in hospital ??
The hip replacement guy.
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I said to the Doctor "Doctor, Doctor, I've broken my arm in two places"
"Stop going to these two places"
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Okay so I just asked my Google Home speaker to tell me a joke...
"What did the walnut say to the cashew? I walnut let you down."
I take no responsibility for this joke -
Alexa should hang her head in shame:
"What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers."Community Manager
Scope -
I posted my boomerang ‘Return to sender’
when it returned I told the postman “you can have it if you like” He said “no”, I said “why not?” He said “I don’t want any comebacks.”
“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV -
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mum was talking about her side of the family."
2024 The year of the general election...the time for change is coming 💡 -
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant. In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant. In South America they didn't know what "please" meant. And in the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.
2024 The year of the general election...the time for change is coming 💡 -
Where do quick sketch artists come from?
Pencil Vania.“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV -
My six year old asked “who puts the bubbles in my lemonade?” I told him straight ...“fizzyologists.”
“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV -
Why don't grasshoppers like football?
They're all about cricket!
*You've got Alexa to thank for this one.Scope -
What do you call a Frenchman who wears sandals?
Phillipe Ferlop
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During the Corona crisis my dentist said I should tend to my teeth on my own.
How? I asked.
He said "Brace yourself" -
What’s the secret code that sheep use?
Baa code.“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV -
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@Chloe_Scope
Likewise, there are some crackers!
What's a dog's favourite dinosaur film?
Jurassic Bark -
Paddy phoned Murphy, I’ve just reading the local paper and in the recently deceased column that you died.Murphy replied, yes I see that, Paddy asked, it doesn’t say the cause of death or date of the funeral .
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For three days running mick had driven past a field and seen spud in the middle of it reading a newspaper. In the end he had to know why and so he went over and asked him “ why are you in this field everyday reading a newspaper?” Spud replied “ oh, cos it says in this here paper that if you want to get a knighthood you have to be outstanding in your field.”
(Jethro)“This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness.”
― Dalai Lama XIV -
A pantomime villain has escaped the theatre and is at large in a nearby town.Residents are being told to look out, he’s behind you!Community Manager
Scope
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