Complex PTSD and no help available

HollyGCat

JeremyJ said:

 I can allow myself to let out some of the emotion and pain and not be scared to show it (was anyone else chastised for being upset as a child too!). 

The upset as a child and chastisement...9 years old, find out (by accident) my parents are not my parents.  Cry! Get beaten for it. Told to tell no one. I think, well there’s something wrong with me then, I must be such a shame...was the thought I had when I read your post.

It great you have a supportive partner and I don’t think, being on your own would be the better choice, for you or your partner. We all need somebody:)

HollyGCat

SurvivingTara said:

 Holly G cat, experiencing symptoms on the journey is tiring. It feels hellish at times, you are  good enough and worth life. Can understand how you feel when triggered by those who don`t know how to be empathic, compassionate and sensitive with others, when they have suffered. If you have made someone annoyed, so be it, you have a right to be you and speak. Hugs

Wish this forum had a heart button. Because I needed to read kindness x

JeremyJ

HollyGCat said:

SurvivingTara said:

 Holly G cat, experiencing symptoms on the journey is tiring. It feels hellish at times, you are  good enough and worth life. Can understand how you feel when triggered by those who don`t know how to be empathic, compassionate and sensitive with others, when they have suffered. If you have made someone annoyed, so be it, you have a right to be you and speak. Hugs

Wish this forum had a heart button. Because I needed to read kindness x

Hope you're feeling ok today - reaching out and reading all the supportive and reassuring comments on this board yesterday really helped me 

This is my current read: https://psychcentralreviews.com/2016/conquering-shame-codependency-8-steps-to-freeing-the-true-you/ it's really good, particularly with relationships. My OH jokes about how many books I have with the word 'shame' in. 

I also think that this is a really insightful book https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2019/mar/10/philippa-perry-interview-listen-carefully-parents-and-dont-despair not just about parenting but relationships and feelings.

SurvivingTara

Lets all celebrate today the fact we have all survived this far. Courage to carry on we have, with symptoms of trauma, etc. Never let anybody grind us down, we are a formidable bunch of folk, all good enough wonderful people.?

Chloe_Alumni

Hi everyone!

Just wanted to check in and see how you were all are doing. I think these discussions are really important and I'm glad you've found this space to talk about things.

Great words from @SurvivingTara!

HollyGCat

Yes, I’m very grateful to @SurvivingTara and @JeremyJ, both of whose messages I have read and re-read today, so I don’t feel so alone.

HollyGCat

Have I said something wrong?

SurvivingTara

No one says anything wrong. We communicate how we are experiencing things for us. If others take things personally, are triggered, and react in whatever way, that is saying something about them, and if aware they need to work on why they were triggered by something we said or did. Holly G.Cat, we are all OK,and good enough today and every day. We are wonderful, surviving beings.

JeremyJ

If I think I say something wrong - I’m usually feeling something painful. Totally agree
with SurvivingTata - there are no rights and wrongs. Holly you’re sharing here which takes courage, as Tara’s says we are all worthwhile. With blessings and best wishes. Jeremy

newborn

Firstly  lets say thanks to all.  Then,  could l ask about the excluded ones? I'm excluded by being told everyone  else  spends their time being ashamed.   I was in one way lucky being hated and wished  dead before I was born,  because logic  says it wasn't something I could have brought about by my own shortcomings, pre-natally!

Obviously l have often made mistakes,  misunderstood, done the wrong thing by accident,  so I'm sorry as and when i realise it.  But l know l don't do wrong with the  deliberate  intention of harming anything or anyone,  so  the word  'shame' doesn't make sense.   It  simply puzzles me that victims are supposed to be ashamed.  Surely, if Jack beats Jill,  then Jack is the  one who should be ashamed?

I'm also  excluded by the assumption nobody ever in adult life has the slightest real problems,  instead everyone sits round imagining things.  For example,  you know, l know, and everyone who ever saw t.v., or read a newspaper,  knows perfectly well that bullying and even killing happens if a person is physically helpless,  isolated,  unloved, alone and unprotected.   

Jolly tips on 'remembering you are in the present'   are based on assumptions that  everyone  merely imagines fear, and it is never justified by fact.   

Not everyone can merely 'walk away' when escape is impossible.  Nor can they 'realise there is nothing to fear'.  That handy hint would be pretty useless to someone being raped or beaten in a care home.

JeremyJ

Hi - Newborn, excludes by who or what? I’m not sure I understand. Is this because your experience of trauma manifests
in different ways to those experienced (from their accounts) and described by others? I think the shame aspect is very symptomatic (for me) and logical especially if Jill is a child and Jack is a parent. So being present as an adult when experiencing a childhood trauma response is a way of coping. Though fear of things to fear as per your examples would be rational - holding fear as a trauma response mightn’t be something helpful to work on.

Although I’m not really sure I understand the content and nature of exclusion, and may have misunderstood.

Am now thinking that maybe the feeling of being excluded is related to the type of trauma and when/how it occurred.

Apologies if I’ve mis-read or don’t understand. Feeling excluded, it’s something I can relate to in certain situations - people talking about families, or being with families can leave me feeling very excluded.

and sharing your sentiment of gratitude to everyone.

HollyGCat

I can’t understand why me feeling shame excludes anyone? It’s my feelings as a then 9 year old who sensed they were different having it confirmed in the coldest of terms. I didn’t process it ‘as others might be able to’, I was already damaged by other events which I equally struggled to understand ‘why?’ I hid, I withdrew, I was biologically and environmentally thrown into a life I couldn’t and still struggle to understand.

Shame was placed upon me with the words of people who should have loved me. It was a legacy I fight to lose. I don’t think for me it’s as simplistic as whose fault it was. That’s not the difficult part. It’s the acceptance of it and the why. It’s the constant throw backs to those moments littered in my memories and closed off parts that are ever present, especially when trivial or major upsets which are present in all our lives happen.

I find feeling differently to then is pretty hard to achieve. I will want to do the ‘flight’ thing or, stop feeling because it’s the safest.

My feelings are not wrong, they can’t be because they are mine based on my experience, my makeup. Anyone else, well you’re unique to. 

I would never ever wish for anyone to feel excluded but I can’t follow Newborn if that’s what you think, me feeling shame does to you?  If my word hurts you it is not my intention. I understand what feeling excluded does, it is something I know far to well. I hope all can speak freely without judgement. Haven’t we all had enough judgement to last our lifetimes? 

I hope all are coping the best you can and the ‘individual’ experiences help us all. 

newborn

No,  it's  not an individual.  Each of  us  just is who he or she is.  From temperament plus experience,  even  twins are not identical.   Each of us  would have  a different  approach  and a different  response  in what  may seem similar  situations. 
John is afraid of spiders, Jane is not.  John enjoys a noisy crowd,  Jane would try hard to avoid it.

The thing I find alienating is that well meaning organisations and authors do make an apparent assumption that  they are expert, they know everything  there is to know. They have  reached a  conclusion  that invariably,  anyone  who is gravely  ill-treated must, must, must be ashamed about everything  anyone  and everyone did to harm them.

So, by that logic, if your  junkie mum left you freezing and starving due to her  habit, you must, must, must, believe it is your own fault, not hers.   Or if your stepfather did what so many stepfathers do, then there is no reason to think he should be ashamed of himself,  but you must, must, must be ashamed of  his actions. 

It is compulsory,  these authors and organisations  think, for every survivor, without exception,  to be filled with this illogical 'shame'.  Then, they all must, must, must, without exception,  all spend decades brooding on the  guilt of having been victims of crime, just  waiting for the clever expert to come along and declare "it is not your fault."    


I don't  comprehend.  Your average person who gets knocked  down  by  a drunk driver,  or mugged at the caspoint, or scammed online, or whose phone is stolen,  is not expected to blame himself until a clever expert explains,  to his grateful astonishment,  that the offenders are the ones to blame, not him. 

I can't deny that some people do say they feel they, the crime victims,  are ashamed.  I can't  deny that some people  are red haired.   Some are  religious.    But if every bit of advice or assistance or information  is based on a firm assumption  that  everyone  is red haired,  it is alienating  and excluding for blondes.   If a source of help is sprinkled with constant reference to the assumption that everyone is religious,  it makes  it unpleasantly clear to the non religious people  they are assumed not even to exist.   They are excluded.  Being  excluded hurts.  Being assumed not to exist at all is as extreme  as exclusion gets.  



 

JeremyJ

Newborn- it’s a thought provoking post. I don’t read Bradshaw, Walker,
Miller, Van
der Kolk as black and white descriptions and treatments for trauma at all. If anything they describe a wide spectrum of symptoms, consequences
and ways of healing. Epigenetic factors can also affect us as individuals. Holly makes references to biological aspects which makes
sense to me. 

There are issues with the reductionist approach to traditional medicine and DSM based diagnositcs which are labelling and can leave one feeling helpless. I found Bullmore’s inflamed mind a good reference point for this. 

So taking an aspect such as shame in isolation could feel isolating. However, I’ve no doubt that the Christian based cultural rules that are embedded within our society contribute to a general sense of shame - not every individual. Bradshaw puts it really well - ‘honour thy mother and father’ should be changed to ‘honour thy mother and father if they honour you’.

The point you make is logical but I only see that it would be excluding if you assume that for example what Bradshaw says is the only acceptable analysis and treatment for complex trauma arising in childhood. It’s really apparent that this is not the intention - Van Der Kolk is really clear on this too. 

I read widely and see what relates to me and is helpful to me. We’re all individuals and as a result can all feel/be excluded to some degree or another. Those who share similar experiences, responses
and ways of self caring are validating to each other with no intention of excluding.

I read about shame amongst other things,
mediate on feelings, go to therapy, do yoga, exercise, post on this forum, write a journal and sometimes watch modern family! As well as trying to live life -a lot of the time I’m ok and this is what’s helpful to me at the moment but everyone is different and unique. 

Like I said, I found your post thought provoking and thank you for it.

SurvivingTara

Charles L Whitfield authored, Healing the Child Within, The Truth About Depression, The Truth About Mental Illness, You are Not Crazy,  You May Not Even Be Mentally Ill, just traumatized.

Here he argues that most conditions, anxiety, depression etc, that are labeled as mental illness are actually instances of  complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD), which is properly viewed as a normal reaction to developmental trauma and emotional abandonment. He points out that psychiatric drugs from the conventional medical model of health, often precipitate side effects that result in further misdiagnoses, and unwittingly, (eg because health workers,  or GPs are trained today to prescribe to get rid of symptoms not cure the cause), mistreatment of patients. When patients stop using  medications, sometimes the withdrawal symptoms result in yet more psychiatric misdiagnoses caused by the medication, you have to have support. For the most part, he suggests that therapy must be a process of support, uncovering and healing the innocent, hurting, abandoned inner child. He maintains that genuine, understanding of this issue,  and self-help groups can be very effective in this process.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_iQ1mh4qlFc

HollyGCat

Triggers ### Mentions SA/Suicide/Self-Harm

@SurvivingTara I find this very interesting.  I don't know what other peoples experiences were to diagnosis?  The co-morbid illnesses did not for me come in an order of CPTSD and then them, so therefore the medication did not come in that order.  I am certainly not as educated as many of you on here (didn't bother going to school much after 14) and I really have to think to get my head around things so apologies in advance if I am missing the point. 

Depression diagnosis comes first - given drugs.  One I was given was dangerous and subsequently banned.  In any event, the depression was not constant and so the drugs were not. I follow some drugs can make you crazier but I don't think it is purely the withdrawal off them.  The interesting thing he said about this was that, that he asks about the depression.  Looks for the cause, if its known.  No one ever considered if mine was trauma related.

CPTSD requires a final traumatising act, so at this time, pre the existence of this condition, it would never be diagnosed.  The final traumatic act?  Is this common?  Correct?  Did I always have CPTSD and the final act was just more of the same? But something I could finally not tolerate or find a way to live with despite the ability to for decades?

Eating disorder - Medication and talking therapy.  I recall the direct request for information about the specifics of CA caused me to not return.  It caused re-traumatisation.  It was not possible for me to think/recall all in any event and I actively spent years not thinking about it.  That worked to a chaotic degree for me.  It allowed me to function. Jumping forward over a decade.

Seek support for alcohol use, medication given.  Isolated intervention.  Depression certainly present but not discussed.  Eating disorder returns as much like the depression it comes and goes. To me, these are all coping or more accurately not coping methods, no different than cutting myself.  I did these practices with and without medication and many other things that could be considered harmful to my own self worth.  The trauma is not being addressed in any way.  I understand the self medicate and I think that all of these are in my way how I attempt to achieve this, gain control or subdue.  One of the main issues I have found is that until recently all things were looked at in isolation of each other.  I knowing no better, went with this.  

Enter MH services - Signposted to eating disorder clinic.  Do not attend due to memory that this re-traumatised me.  Carry on with life. Block memories as I could to a degree that I was outwardly successful.  Coinciding
further adult trauma occurs over a six month period.  First panic attack, very intrusive thoughts of suicide and memories.  Anxiety first diagnosed.  Events that occur (PTSD type and then a SA over a period of time) - Complete breakdown.  Loss of basic functioning.  Loss of self.  So this is cited as the further trauma.

Enter psycho-therapy.  Given 'a working diagnosis of BPD', severe Depression and Anxiety.  Medication given.  Plenty...

Diagnosis given of CPTSD with Dissociation with significant traits of BPD (in the context of CPTSD), self harm, high risk etc etc.

I think he is saying that the withdrawal of drugs could lead to false diagnosis of some mental illness.  Though all other diagnosis came prior to the CPTSD and are now seen as sitting under the umbrella of this diagnosis.

The each generation traumatises the next and nature verses nurture is very hard to follow.  I am brought up in a traumatic household, my sister is brought up by my biological mother, she is also 'damaged', I can't know if this was due to us both suffering trauma, but she is able to function day to day albeit she self medicates.  The household I am blood related to, generations above commit suicide and that could suggest either I am biologically more likely to have developed MH illness (with the perfect storm) but equally, they may have coincidently have suffered trauma or have other recognised mental illness.  The sibling in my household is not subject to any MH condition.  This sibling is not to the best of my knowledge subject of trauma either, there are also significant differences in our personality and morality.  So how I would ever know if the nature or nurture  stands up individually on their own?  I tend to believe it was both, there are too many similarities even though I am brought up in a different household, but I could never deny the trauma inflicted on me has created a legacy of its own.  The trauma being added to by both  households.

I think it is fair to say doctors do not identify trauma and diagnose other conditions in preference with a quick fix pill, but are these conditions then not present?  Whist being depressed at being traumatised would seem reasonable, you do still then suffer depression?  If trauma response is removed as a mental illness, then this is surely more likely to remove NHS responsibility?  Therefore even less support?  Even if the response is 'normal' for the trauma, the behaviours, affects on functioning are present often, it doesn't seem unreasonable to suggest these become mental illness even if the cause was trauma.  I was unsure what he was suggesting was a suitable treatment or response if not treatment?  Sitting in an AA type group telling my story would be completely impossible and could listening to others experiences not retraumatise?  Avoidance and toxic shame being highly present for me.  

If at times I did not have sleep aids, I would not sleep, that said, I have also become unable to sleep due to withdrawal from them, making them more of a problem in their own right.  No tablet makes any real difference for any real amount of time to the anxiety, panic attacks.  Reading this forum does more!

I agreed fully with comments such as 'we are looking for the magic bullet' and that self-esteem is damaged by the process of labelling.  I have too much experience of the blame culture that exists and this blaming does nothing to reduce my constant self loathing and shame, which whilst may not be 'rational' was exactly how I developed.

So he does not suggest not using drugs at all, but recognising their limitations and that they are perhaps helpful in the early days, as a tired mind will struggle to heal.  He like many others I have seen, seems to suggest a combination of methods. (group sessions). I think this is unlikely to occur and the danger of removing trauma and its affects from a diagnosis is there is no responsibility to anyone but the individual themselves to do anything to help it.  This could enable social care/NHS to obfuscate completely.

Sitting in my room 'trying really hard' with no thought of when I will ever be able to leave it again, for me this is a terrifying prospect.  

Summarised his comments on - A child within 'our real self' being the true person - being false to survive.  I have mixed views on this.  Unlearn patterns in the false self, I would hope he refers only to maladaptive coping methods in this context.  If I am to believe my reactions were 'understandable' to trauma, which I do. I would prefer not to take on a new label of 'false'. I have experienced such ignorance by some MH specialist.  Having to explain, especially with some of the BPD traits which I seem to suffer in the context of CPTSD that my actions were not chosen, I am not seeking attention, I do or do not remember various dangerous or upsetting behaviour, that I do love my family and that this is not always enough to keep me alive, that I am a strong not a weak person, that I am not stupid....sadly I could go on...

Feedback in one to one sessions.  Really important and would be helpful but does not happen.  One reason I find this forum so helpful.  I am just expressing my understanding of what I am reading and hearing.  It doesn't mean I understand it correctly or that my thoughts on it are right. I started by explaining I have to think these things over for a long time.

Finally he touched on a suggested new medical model, for adverse childhood studies, Mental Illness correlated to repeated childhood trauma.  He did not expand much on this but seemed at odds with other statements he had made.

Hoping in advance no one is upset by my questions, initial thoughts and search for everyone's views.

 

JeremyJ

Two brilliant posts above - thank you both. Holly and Tara

Whitfield goes on to my reading list! what I take from the video is that culturally a large number of people carry unresolved harmful emotional aspects from childhood - an epidemic!

HollyGCat your post is so relatable - my CPTSD 'diagnosis' came at age 50 from a psychiatrist, previously diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder, and before that usual catch all 'depression/anxiety' type woolly diagnosis via GP/counsellors. The psychiatrist prescribed SSI which I took for about 6 months and as per your post they definitely helped, it was a difficult time but then I realised then were just blocking me. The breakdown of my marriage/family was the event that lead to the diagnosis - painful but actually understanding much more clearly how these unprocessed emotions were/are impacting me was the most profound event in my life, possibly apart from the birth of my first child who was the first person I met that I was biological related to.

I think what you say here really resonates: 'If I am to believe my reactions were 'understandable' to trauma, which I do. I would prefer not to take on a new label of 'false'. I have experienced such ignorance by some MH specialist.  Having to explain, especially with some of the BPD traits which I seem to suffer in the context of CPTSD that my actions were not chosen, I am not seeking attention, I do or do not remember various dangerous or upsetting behaviour, that I do love my family and that this is not always enough to keep me alive, that I am a strong not a weak person, that I am not stupid'
 I find this particularly upsetting because I know that I've spent times in my life in this void, a place which felt safe (lonely) as a child, which I inhabited in various parts of my adult life with the inconvenient ways of coping - I often put myself in risky/dangerous situations (which had been described to me as a dissociative state - and BPD traits) also have a very distinct memory on my own in a hotel room in Leicestershire, during the break up of my family and also after the visit of an adoptive family member trying to pressure me to see a former abusive parent. I won't go into detail - but during this situation I don't what happened but I realised that I was doing the exact same thing I did as a teenager and that I'd forgotten this completely - but remembering in that moment helped me, I took myself out and phoned people. In that moment I realised that my relationship had been a maintaining factor - not her fault - but I'd married a passive/aggressive catholic and the family situation although not abusive had familiarity with my own difficult childhood. I think was also very difficult for my ex, to live in that situation with me and also two traumatised people bringing up a family together. I also mediate on this hurt adult person as well as my inner child to give love and be accepting. So I don't think it is just inner child work - every phase of life, pre-verbal, childhood, earlier adult hood etc etc all need integrating, processing, loving and acceptance. Like you I could go on.

I went for a run at the weekend, I see my kids during the week and this often leaves me feeling a bit outside of the zone of emotional tolerance - it's just triggering feeling responsible for upset they are feeling. I refer to the Phillipa Perry approach as a really helpful model for parenting. Anyway, my thought whilst I was running was inspired by my 12 year old who said 'dad, we're just energy' and she is right - energy in then energy out, for me tuning into the right kind of energy is what I strive to do and I will offer a quote form my yoga mediation this week:

What is behind you and in front of you is not as important as what is inside you. 

Thank you both again.

HollyGCat

@JeremyJ - this was probably the most life changing event for me too. With highly charged complex emotions. Starting our own history...

JeremyJ said:, possibly apart from the birth of my first child who was the first person I met that I was biological related to.

Anyway, my thought whilst I was running was inspired by my 12 year old who said 'dad, we're just energy' and she is right - energy in then energy out, for me tuning into the right kind of energy is what I strive to do and I will offer a quote form my yoga mediation this week:

What is behind you and in front of you is not as important as what is inside you. 

Thank you for the words of your child and yoga quote....which are to me inspiring!   Running bit not so much ??

newborn

All interesting.  There are two things i notice. Johnson and Johnson have just been fined half a billion dollars *  for manipulating the  market to get a huge number of prescriptions  written for pain killers. The ploy followed exactly  the  precedent of the tobacco industry. Deny any harm, when the evidence  is  plain. If totally  forced into a corner, sell the product  in other countries.

* they will appeal,  but are delighted. The stock market  had anticipated  a far bigger fine, so J and J share vaule shot up after the verdict.

Opioid  manufacturers have been promoting  the  stuff in u.k.  Rates of prescription of allegedly painkilling chemicals, known N O T to be in the  interests of the victim/patients,  are going through the roof, draining n.h.s. budgets, ruining lives.

Almost exactly the same could be said of depression drugs, with extremely  rare exceptions.

Physical pain? Emotional  pain?  Who cares about the cause, when this or that chemical temporarily removes the symptoms?. 

HollyGC i love your posts. You have a  gift for writing.  Of course it isn't that you are writing a comic tale, but somehow  you explain everything   really well.  Even better, you do it with good humour.  What a brilliant way to  express your educational  background,  "(didn't bother going to school much after 14)"  .  It raised a chuckle, and compressed everything  you intended into a joking expression.     Other writers would envy your skill.    

I'm so glad you find this thread works. This I S group therapy,  just not with professionals controlling  it. And, of course, not disempowering and not discriminating. Everyone equal.  Nobody  needing to get themselves to a particular  building. Nobody trying to force their script, or their religion.

Nobody to force anyone to think of themselves as mentally deranged, as a label,  rather than as a decent reasonable person reasonably responding to unreasonable circumstances. 

Only the Scope moderators, to ensure all is well.   Many thanks to the Scope organisation for providing the online platform .

SurvivingTara

We remember, we are all trying to survive whatever we have experienced. In love and consideration and respect we share.

Holly Cat apologised for not being educated in these matters, feel sad. Life really has nothing to do with education or being articulate. We are who we are in adulthood because of experiences on the journey, we need to accept who we are and where we have ended up, even if it`s unpleasant. We gain wisdom and learn along the way, some of us have, skills, seen or read different books etc, and we are sharing our learning/experience/symptoms of trauma etc with others in the hopes we can all pull through life in some way. So Holly Cat you are OK, please don`t put yourself down, you are like us all, suffering and trying to make sense of the process we find ourselves in.

CPTSD, is called complex PTSD,  (by Pete Walker in From Surviving to Thriving CPTSD & Judith Herman in Trauma & Recovery, Developmental Trauma: Barry K & Janae B Weinhold PhD) because it is a severe form of PTSD, it is DEVELOPMENTAL, and occurs because of very early emotional neglect, perhaps abandonment, trauma, (perhaps of mother whilst carrying child), insecure attachment issues, (John Bowlby) etc. etc. There can be emotional flashbacks triggered by anyone (boss, partner, friend, therapist, GP etc), at any moment, their phrases, tone of voice, behaviour reminds the brain of a past event, and it goes into flashback mode. It`s just the way it is reacting.  With CPTSD there can be overwhelming fear, shame, rage, grief, depression, addiction etc. etc with a multitude of symptoms and coping mechanism behaviours, because the mind  thinks we are at fault, because we were treated poorly, we are not. The fight and flight instincts are triggered, eg do I run, stay, freeze or fawn, to escape perceived demise. Very scary.

Also our parents, or caregivers were only doing the best they could with the tools they were given (or not), therefore we can be the result.

We suffered developmentally.

Then there was life, trauma, in childhood/adoloscence.  Childhood abuse, emotionally, sexually and physically could have been experienced. Giving rise to further trauma. Combined we grow up believing and feeling not good enough, ashamed of who we are, with symptoms. The symptoms, anger, anxiety, fear, abandonment depression. GPs who are trained to diagnose something and put us in a category to be able to give us toxic medication to quell the symptoms to enable us to function is the western practice and has been since the 1930s. We can also self medicate with alcohol etc. Whatever, we are begging for help, and in the NHS, care services-medical model of health. We think this is all there is and its free for most, and has been engineered this way, outlawing all alternatives or complementary medicine etc as wrong in favour of pharma drugs.

The medical model of health deals only with symptoms and the getting rid of them, not the cause of ones suffering, that to them is irrelevant, and because CPTSD and childhood trauma is now epidemic and endemic in society, it is a hot potato to have to deal with causes. Much cheaper and quicker to use the chemical cosh, quite agressively on us. Its business and its legal, not much else is.

We have suffered, in various ways, that`s the bottom line.

There are books written about explaining a bit about what we could have gone through and how it affects adult health and life.

We have to manage all this as adults.

We need support groups, trained trauma therapists.

We don`t need re-abusing with procedures and toxic medications forced on us, or suggested we take to cover up poor parenting practices, and societal goings on, to give a quick fix to us to shut us up, make us feel something wrong with us, labelled and worthless to cover up the societal dysfunction occurings. Which the majority trained in the western model of health are indoctrinated not to see.

We are experiencing suffering, it`s challenging and frightening, especially when the only help is toxic medication, and its bantered about as being free, with no access to free counselling long term or alternatives on the NHS.

Remember, we did not ask to be treated the way we were, as infants and children, we only wanted unconditional love and still do.  But it was as it was, we need to accept it was as it was we can`t change that and although we are angry, fearful and have suffered/suffering symptoms of CPTSD, now we need to raise our heads to the light, proud of who we are, surviving human beings and coming through all of this, as Recovery is our Best Revenge (Carolyn Spring).