Wife/Carer - cancer ?

Wibbles
Wibbles Community Member Posts: 3,725 Championing
in Families and carers

My wife/carer has been given an appointment at hospital next Thursday for the results of a cancer blood test - (she's been bleeding from her cervix recently) !

It probably is not menopause related - that was over a few years ago……..

I just hope that it is caused by something else and not cancer.

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Comments

  • Bluebell21
    Bluebell21 Community Member Posts: 5,966 Championing

    Hi @Wibbles I hope your wife's results next Thursday will be good and not what you both might be thinking.

    Good luck, please let us know how she gets on.

    Take care.

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community Member Posts: 3,725 Championing

    Thanks - the problem is that she is already milking it - to an enormous extent

    She started with the "if we hadn't lived here…." and the "See, It's not all about you"

    to the "I really hate you"

    She just assumes that I can read her mind, she didn't tell me about the symptoms and them started going on at me just because I didn't ask her - how was I to know that there was anything wrong anyway.

    Sorry - but if it is C - I really don't think that I / We can cope………..

  • Holly_Alumni
    Holly_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 6,534 Championing

    I'm so sorry to read this @Wibbles. You both must be going through such a nightmare waiting for Thursday. I hope your wife gets the best possible result.

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community Member Posts: 3,725 Championing
    edited February 22
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1103723#Comment_1103723

    She had her womb lining removed 30+ years ago - due to a cancer scare !

    polyps

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community Member Posts: 3,725 Championing

    My wife is now extremely concerned about how she will get to the appointment - it is in a separate area of the hospital and she cannot walk very far.

    Taxis are not reliable enough and no buses are available

    She will have to drive herself (I have not driven for two years) she tells me that I have let her down and am no longer herhusband…and she does not want me at the appointment with her ..

  • Rachel_Scope
    Rachel_Scope Posts: 4,846 Online Community Team

    I'm so sorry you're both going through this @Wibbles. Have you considered an Uber? You can download the app and book them in advance. My mum has used them for hospital appointments and they've been reliable.

    Is this type of behaviour unusual for her? If so, she's probably extremely scared and is, unfortunately, taking it out on you. Does she have anyone else she can talk to? Do you have any support?

  • Bluebell21
    Bluebell21 Community Member Posts: 5,966 Championing

    Hi @Wibbles you are both going through a very worrying time and it is probably the stress of this that is making your wife use you as her person for having a go at.

    Fingers crossed the news on Thursday will not be as bad as you think and you will be able to relax a bit.

    Please take care of yourself.

  • Kimi87
    Kimi87 Community Member Posts: 9,055 Championing

    At my local hospital you can basically turn up and ask (at reception) for a porter who will appear with a wheelchair. There is also a motorised buggy available.

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community Member Posts: 3,725 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1104568#Comment_1104568

    It's not the "getting to" that concerns us - it's the getting home afterwards - at around 5pm - which is going to be fully booked (peak time)

    Ubers - sorry not in my area

    We can't book a time because we have no idea how long the appointment will last for - especially if I was allowed to go with her (I am in a wheelchair anyway) and my wife would have to push me

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community Member Posts: 3,725 Championing

    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1104591#Comment_1104591

    No - she won't ask for help - EVER

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community Member Posts: 3,725 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1104596#Comment_1104596

    It's a different building to the main hospital 1/2 mile away but the car park is at the main hospital !

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community Member Posts: 3,725 Championing

    It's almost as if she can't accept the fact that I am disabled - I have not driven for 2 years as my shoulders tend to lock solid with arthritic pain and it would not be wise for me to even try driving ! Yet, she uses this as proof that I do nothing to help her….It's MY fault…..

    Also - the fact that I turned down a job, 22 years ago which meant that she had to live 140 miles away from her parents, rather than half way, will never be forgotten - she mentions it at least 2 times EVERY week - give it a rest - I have admitted to making a mistake 22 years ago and there's absolutely diddly squat that I can do about it now - why won't she let it lie ?

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community Member Posts: 3,725 Championing

    I think that my wife will need a full hysterectomy

    How successful are they at getting rid of cancer ?

    What will happen after the NHS 6 week supplied help is up - because I understand that recovery can take months ?

    What will happen about me - when my wife/carer is out of action - because my wife does EVERYTHING for me at the moment !

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community Member Posts: 3,725 Championing
    edited February 26

    She's about to go off on her own for a cancer diagnosis because she "doesn't want me anywhere near her,"

    I have no support network or friends locally and can do virtually nothing myself.

    The mood that my wife is in - she probably won't even tell the Dr that I exist but even if she did , what can they do?

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 6,285 Championing

    Wibbles, have you reached out to your GP for support, even just a telephone appointment to talk this through?

    I've been in an unhappy marriage but we weren't dealing with profound physical disability. You both need help in this situation but your needs and fears sound more urgent.

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community Member Posts: 3,725 Championing
    edited February 26
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1105192#Comment_1105192

    No - we have different surgeries (in different towns / counties but that's a different matter)

    I also cannot speak on the phone !

    It's my wife's mood swings that really concern me. one minute she's happy, I do one thing "wrong" and you would think the world had ended - she turns BLACK and I get her full wrath (not physical I must add) more VERBAL

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community Member Posts: 3,725 Championing

    I am concerned that she will need an operation and SOON - ie) perhaps next week - which does not give me any time to arrange for carers etc (I do have "savings" so no PAID for care)

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community Member Posts: 3,725 Championing
    edited February 26

    Before I do anything - I await the return of my wife (she will be around 1 1/2 hours) in case it is not as bad as we think - but I believe that it is cancer….

    if it is - she will get 6 weeks post op reablement care - but will that include myself ?

    https://www.homecare.co.uk/advice/do-you-get-6-weeks-free-care-after-hospital-stay-in-uk

    i can't image a carer coming in - ignoring me and concentrating soley on my wife ?

    And what about the week (or so) that she will be in hospital for - what would happen to me ? It's way too late to arrange carers for next week (if it is then)

  • Wibbles
    Wibbles Community Member Posts: 3,725 Championing

    Is it worth my applying for Continuing Health Care ?

    Everything is broken/not working on my body *except my brain (surprisingly since that is what started my decline)

    my arms. shoulders, knees, heart all bad

    I cannot walk 1 yard, (knees shot). my shoulders are riddled with arthritis and tendonitis, my heart beats too fast and irregularly

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 6,285 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1105209#Comment_1105209

    I think you need to try something and email communication with your GP would be a good first step then they can liaise with those other services. You will not be left alone without care.

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