Autism/Depression
Comments
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happy birthday @Catherine21 hope you have a lovely day ❤️
I also have spent my whole life feeling not good enough, anything I do is wrong! Although it seems to be grained into my brain so it’s my own stupid thoughts causing me to think that way, but also lot of the time it is other toxic relationships that make me feel this way, always criticising me and making me feel stupid. I am also so ridiculously hard n judgmental on myself in everything yet wen it comes to other ppl i have compassion n understanding for them, no judgement or harsh thought for them but never no kind words or compassion for myself
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Thankyou it's so hard isn't it I can remember being 3 years old and hating myself always looking at my friends and thinking why cant I be like them always over pleasing suffering inside it actually caused my body dismorphia I can't even look in mirror properly no one could ever imagine how we suffer my way of coping is total isolation and days like today do alot of reflection on my own as I can't face company anymore so hard trying to fit in and always feeling the ugly duckling and when I know people feel the way I do it breaks my heart because I know the pain it brings have you had therapy I've had loads still didn't absorb it I think we feel to much we are like sponges absorbing everything energy body language tone of voice I think I've accepted myself more than when I was younger I don't yearn for relationships friendships it was so hard when I did I'm so sorry your feeling the same I agree it is stamped on the brain the mind never stops x
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I'm a setting a little bit @Catherine21 . Thank you. I appreciate your support.
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I can those explanations / traits within myself @Kali85 and @Catherine21 . I hope it was ok to pop something here I know the conversation is between both of you . Apologies once again.
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I think having a kind heart in a cruel world imagine if everyone was neurodivergent the world what a kind loving world it would be
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That is very very true @Catherine21 .
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thanks @Catherine21 i had same feelings from extremely young age too, I used to look at my siblings and cousins & I couldn’t understand how they were just living life just doing normal things, I just didn’t know how to do that, I’m stuck in my head constantly thinking where do I fit in, anything I do is sooo much effort, anytime I would have relationship with someone they always end up leaving me out, or just cut me off for no reason, I’d spend days/months making myself ill trying to understand what I have done wrong! I always get left out of everything, it was always me that was always picked on & practical joke played on. Ppl know I am sensitive yet they keep doing awful things to me, I don’t see them treating other ppl in same way they treat me. I too feel more content when I am completely isolated no one around to hurt me no stress or headaches because of ppl being fine with me one min then completely cut me off next. Unfortunately I crave relationships with certain family & friends so I mourn for the loss of that. Only problem is I cut these ppl outa my life and then all it takes is a text or phone call from them & I get sucked back in, I think their my friend and turns out they just wanted to use me and I’m back to feeling awful and hating myself n my crappy life over again
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I don't yearn for relationships friendships it was so hard when I did
True!
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happy birthday lovely @Catherine21 💛💛🎁💜🎂🎈
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i just seen an article saying thier amending mental health bill any idea of this
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Ah I remember those feelings and my heart goes out to you it's extremely painful thinking back when I was younger I get upset with myself because I always gave everything even passing people who's homeless I have to stop give money and generally feel for them unfortunately some people attracted to our kind giving nature and that hurts so bad when relize they were getting what they want I was used for s visa that broke me it is some much harder when you yearn for friendships relationships the best thing I did was cut two toxic friends out of my life took me years at first I was panicking thinking I have no friends and end up feeling sorry for them and making excuses for thier behaviour towards me if I could tell my younger self would be always have my own back people will show who they are don't ignore the signs and put myself first is not being selfish its about survival It's so hard to keep boundaries with people through fear of them thinking I'm a bad or talking bad about Me I literally tolerated alot of users but thier is people out there that are nice people and we have so much to give don't ever forget that in my opinion people are lucky to have us in thier life I bet everyone comes to you for advice
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Thankyou nightcity hope your well xx
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The Mental Health Bill seeks to amend the Mental Health Act 1983. Changes proposed in the bill include:
- Tightening the detention criteria in the 1983 Act and providing for more frequents reviews.
- Limiting the period that people with autism or a learning disability can be detained.
- Removing prisons and police stations as 'places of safety' in the Act.
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Catching up a little but I think not feeling good enough is an ND trait. I think we put unreasonable pressure on ourselves sometimes as well. Especially when surrounded by people who are doing the same things with relatively little effort. It can be a struggle to recognise that we have to do things at our pace at times, and that we need to be kind to ourselves, rather than putting extra pressure on to catch up.
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not too bad thanks, hope you're ok. have a good weekend. @Catherine21 💜
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Caught up to the thread and if they are finally actually amending the MH act then that will be a good thing (hopefully). The previous govt promised to do this and dropped it in favour of other things. As an autistic person the current laws around ASD and detention and so on are pretty scary.
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hi @Catherine21 thank you for your wise words. I too always made excuses for other ppls bad behaviour like maybe that person is going through a bad time, or just coz they are just not as thoughtful as me so they didn’t think about it like I do. I’d have so much compassion for them even though they had just stabbed me in the back. I’d blame myself and end up hating myself. This group has helped me so much as my whole life I have hated myself always wishing to be someone else just NOT me! Always thinking there’s something really wrong with me to keep getting treated exactly the same by completely different ppl, even my own family treat me like I am expendable! Now I know it’s not something wrong with me, as I am always kind and considerate, I have finally realised that I did not deserve how they treated me or the heartache they caused me, all sleepless nights, starving myself as I didn’t feel like I deserved to eat, causing my depression to spiral even deeper and darker.
Everytime ppl on this group share their stories and experiences I am so grateful as I can relate to every single one in some ways, so I now know I am not alone in this awful cruel world! There are ppl out there that are thoughtful like me, and full of empathy, compassion and show consideration for others, ppl that are genuinely kind hearted, that alone gives me hope. Thank you all on this group for sharing your stories and life experiences helping me see that my life is worth living. I just have got to cut out all my toxic relationships with my family and few friends I have and hopefully I can be at peace with myself and maybe I can actually like myself and one day learn to love myself.2 -
Hi @checkmate99 You might like to read some of the posts on this thread. You will find you are not alone in how you feel,
Take care.
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Amazing as always
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Thats good doesn't feel good at the time when you cut people off trust me they are more shocked than you are people get used to walking all over us they don't actually relize they lost a good loyal kind caring individual it hits them whem they relize your not coming back had people beg me apologise takes me years to get to that point once I'm there I won't go back I actually get turned off by them and think what did I ever see in them after crying a river begging don't leave me then om like nah having a pure kind heart means you have to protect yourself choose people who make you feel safe in thier company seems like you started noting wrong with boundaries took me years to learn but once I did I wasn't feeling a vunerable left out sad angry despair and I stopped having expectations from these people i finally seen some people true colors when I wasn't doing stuff for them your doing amazing your talking seeing like you said other people understand you keep being you I know the despise aspect oh its awful I'm 53 when I was younger god it was horrific everyday say something nice to yourself be kind to yourself we have to get ourselves through this life and its harder with mental health think of yourself like all the other people do ie friends family say to yourself I will always choose me don't feel bad for saying no first time I said no to someone god it killed me inside I thought I'm an awful person I always wanted to take pain away from people so I was the one everyone came to when had a problem I get angry at myself for being so readily available I don't do that anymore I learnt I can't save the people even the world which is hard because I feel so much like its happening to me but it becomes so overwhelming do something nice for yourself this weekend mines baths god I could stay all day that's my comfort xx hope you understand my writing my brain goes ten to the dozen
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