Complex PTSD and no help available

HollyGCat

SurvivingTara said:

Here`s hoping Holly G Cat today`s assesment was positive for your walking forwards. Really hoping for you.

We are in charge of our healing process, it`s the body/mind that heals and we know this deep down, not someone else.

It is only us who can do it, with support/understanding.

Partner is your supporter, why do you need to get him a break from you as you are?

Does he say he needs a break from you???

Hang in there Holly G Cat.....Please

Sorry, I am not good enough???

SurvivingTara

Holly G cat. the meeting was not positive for you ......... You say "Sorry, I am not good enough", this can be a false belief, we are choosing to believe.

Holly is more than capable of dealing with matters, and you are good enough !!!.

But do we end up wanting to prove we are not good enough, with our behaviour, because someone early in life said this to us or made  us feel not good enough, then abandoned us which would go on to make any child feel not wanted...? 

It turns out to be what is called a self fulfilling prophecy, because of an early belief.

Also you share ....."Badly, I fought but I was marginalised. Then home for me to lose it. Massive row. Still going at 6 AM.  Marriage crumbling. Managed with reduced pills but gave up when stuff got ugly. High asa kite now. Chaos is my middle name. I’m nothing. I don’t sit in society. I’ve been expelled. Yes feeling a bit sorry for myself. Judge if you must. I’m past caring about anything. I’ve got no future. It’s a living hell. People like me don’t get to be happy"

No one is judging, no one has a right to judge anyone, no one has walked in your shoes..

Judging is taboo....

For me just sharing what we have learned and it may not sit with you.

However, many, do this, judge and some medics judge, criticze, and frighten us on purpose to make us comply.  So does advertizing..

That is the way it works in society.

Money is powerful, and if profit is being taken away from a company, they and its sales people, will fight to get you to take their product again......

Vulnerable, and not understanding it is a game, (wrapped up to look like care), we fall into their trap.

You are not alone here....nor  the first or last to be affected.

Be kind to yourself and understand, either with knowledge and choice, choose to stay in the game or remove one`s self from the game.

We all  have the power over our body. (even if we don`t believe it yet)

We can do whatever we need to do.

Whatever we want to eat and drink, we can choose to do so, we do not have to ask permission from another to do so.

However, childhood conditioning can cause us to believe others are more powerful than us and in authority over us.

Certain people sent us into helplesness and hopelessness. It should not have happened.

That was then. Now is different, we are adults.

However, this does not stop certain people with a particular agenda trying to act out their power, control, and manipulation on the vulnerable and trigger us into certain early learned coping strategies. When we get into their loop or space, they know what they are doing to us.

Rows are what are called `red herrings`, they are covering the real issue that is bothering us. The issue not talked about, e.g. how you felt in that situation. For example, humiliated, disregarded, not heard, steam rolled over, abandoned, and frightened. (that may be how we felt as a child)

Rows never solve things, they just release the pent up days energy, thats all.

Because the issue that may be bothering us is that at a meeting  for example, people never heard us and understood need, or saw trauma through a child`s  eyes. They all sat there with clip board and files on us talking in jargon and looking at us with smug blank faces, with their training as truth, which is lobbed onto whoever is around and will catch it.

This is done a thousand times a day in various guises. It hurts and bullies people.

We project onto others our anger, in rows, we let them have it. It is the old fashioned notion or saying, they  kicked the cat or dog, when they got home, when folks were upset. For there was no-one else around.

Partnerships fail because we fight the wrong ones, because others who need to be challenged are deemed more powerful than us, and we allow it, and then go home to a loved one and fight or express how we feel, showing them how the others made you feel.

Unconditional love never dies, conditional love may, ( eg I will love you if you behave in a certain way or fulfil my needs-parents can imply this)

We can give those we deem to be in authority over us power to wreck home life. Many of us do this today.

If a partner is exhausted and therefore does not know how to stay grounded in the here and now, they can be swept up into a row and it (releases energy) just puts you both back to sleep., (eg unaware, compliant or playing their game) .....

Whilst the people at a meeting are happy and getting on with their lives, and going home with no care about the turmoil they have created during the day with their pathologizing games.

That is how it works.

Today is another day Holly G Cat, you are good enough, and worthy, and have good skills. people know this, believe it.

Anything can be repaired so can relationships. Partners get triggered like us. You are loved at home.

You may be both exhausted, after experiences in the meeting environment, (thats natural) rest, and then step back onto the stage of life. We are waiting for you!!!

 

newborn

Hi,   would anyone  mind if I point out a fact?  I don't  want to upset anyone who uses a phrase  as something  true and useful  to themselves.   
The trouble  is, it is difficult for others, for whom it is painful  and not true.

One example  is:   It is really  good that people here on Scope,  being respectful  and sensitive to others,  do kindly refrain from citing their personal religious beliefs,  even if, for them, they  are important and helpful.   They know it could distress, for instance,  the many  abused by priests and so on.



Another example, though, is the assumption that nobody  who ever reads the site is at true physical risk, that  nobody  who is an adult ever has any other person with absolute power to  control  and abuse them,  that nobody  can  ever be vulnerable  and helpless  and without hope, as an obvious true fact of their existence,  not  just as an irrational notion of their deranged imagination.   

Attempts  are made, with the best intentions, to pass  on  handy tips on the lines of assuming everyone is safe, secure, supported,  not vulnerable,   and that merely by being adult they must be immune from being helpless or under anyone's control.  That isn't true,  for  a lot of people.   

It's  bad that they are officially non-personed out of existence, by not having a law or a system  or a tick box on any form which will accept the truth of their  lives.  It is hurtful if a helping thoughtful community forum inadvertently  colludes.



Some people are trapped by physical disability.  Some are in hospital,  some in old people's 'care homes'.  Some don't  have a soul in the world on their side.  They are undefended.   Anyone and everyone who happens  to come across  them has real, frightening power to abuse them.   They  can't  have food and drink, can't  avoid cold or attack. "Shut up Dorothy,  or we'll  break every bone in your body" was a quote from typical filmed assaults  in progress (on that occasion,  against  an elderly blind woman abandoned without visitors  in a care home) 



The phrase "loved ones' is painful.  The accompanying assumption is that everyone  has such people.  Everyone  is loved, from birth to death. That nobody in the world is unsupported and unloved.   It hurts to be unwanted  and unloved.    It hurts doubly to be deemed non existent.



Even  in general  hospital  wards, about half the people  never have any visitors.  They may or may not be dehydrated and starving. Statistics,  and every report,  show high probability that those who cannot  fend for themselves  need devoted attentive adoring  supporters.  They may be bully magnets to nurses.   (Truly, all power  does tend to corrupt. ) Nobody  cares about their wellbeing.  Nobody  knows or cares if they live or die, still less about their happiness.   Perhaps  nobody  ever did. Perhaps  nobody  ever will.   They are not foolishly imagining they are helpless.   They are helpless .  As helpless and hopeless  as any living creature  could be. 



So are those  disabled, trapped  and abused in their  own homes by family or non family 'carers', 'friends', or 'loved ones'. Or by housesharers,  landlords and sublandlords,  anyone with the key .  N.B. None of them is covered by the definition of Domestic Abuse.  They are officially deemed non existent.  Every type of abuse against them is officially deemed impossible,  therefore  there is no route to rescue.   They are, as  a statement  of  fact, helpless, trapped, and without hope,   because there is no space on the tick box for the millions who are not safe in their homes from abuse by the incorrect  category of assailant.    The imminent domestic  violence law will not accept their  existence. 


(It will, though, make  it worse, because  councils will be forced to provide tenancies for life to every woman who claims abuse of any kind from a romantic  'partner or ex partner.'    The pressure  on private housing will therefore rocket, rents will rise, people  will increasingly  cram into everywhere possible, lawfully  or, more often, unofficially,  producing  a  leap in the proportion of hidden homeless, desperate just to endure whatever is done to them, rather than the only alternative,  of sleeping on the street.   Shop doorways  are not  suitable  homes for  elders, for females or  for disabled  people. 

 But councils don't,  and  never did,  have an obligation to help them, in many cases.   There are get-out clauses in the  law.    People  can be, and are, turned away if they can't pass numerous  hurdles, including proving they have lived inside that council's catchment area for five years.  There are no official  records and utility bills for the masses of insecurely  homed,  desperate , hidden homeless  sofa surfers or even people  who rent a mattress  space in a shared room.   The greater their numbers, the  more vulnerable  and helpless  they will be.   

One example  which reached  national t.v. reporters involved a couple in their  90's, he a wheelchair  user.  They were living in a Bournemouth  bus shelter.      Their  previous  longterm landlord had  asked them to leave,  so he could sell. Nobody new would rent to them because being retired equates to being unemployed, which is banned by letting agents.   The council was correct, in the  grounds to reject  them,.  They are deemed not to exist, or have need of a roof,  because the statutory duty housing law's tick box denies the existence of people who can't just go and get a mortgage or a private rental.  )

HollyGCat

@SurvivingTara..you said....

Because the issue that may be bothering us is that at a meeting  for example, people never heard us and understood need, or saw trauma through a child`s  eyes. They all sat there with clip board and files on us talking in jargon and looking at us with smug blank faces, with their training as truth, which is lobbed onto whoever is around and will catch it. 

That just about sums it up! Still, they were pleased with themselves....

@newborn, I do think asking people not to use phrases common to them might  stop people sharing freely. Such as ‘loved one’. I wouldn’t think anyone was trying to trigger another, just getting their own thoughts and feelings across.

There are too many words that could trigger something in someone, and to avoid them could just make someone think they don’t have a right to post. I don’t think someone should use this forum to push any particular agenda, we should all just post what we need to with respect. 

We we all had different backgrounds, what is triggering for one may be a lifeline for another.

my views for what they are worth.

have a good day all

SurvivingTara

if someone posts "would anyone  mind if I point out a fact?  I don't  want to upset anyone who uses a phrase"

This commment Is by the very nature of the words, critiziing and signalling one is going to go ahead and judge and condemn the script before them. Making  the script writer into a non person, who must not be  affected by their words.. If they have a learning disability this has been overlooked. It can also act as a frightener,  to shut up, (which a lot of organizations do) to inhibit freedom to be and communicate in a genuine way.

It can feel like some people are, in fact, waiting in the wings, for a post, to pull it to bits to analyse it sentence by sentence. Revealing a head person, a thinker, who does not accept a  person unconditionally for who they are. Feeling duty bound to do a demolition job on someone`s  script. Which in itself can be a disempowering act.

After the critical analysis, which is similar to a critical teacher or lecturer, (there could be some good points and information made, about what is happening in their particular environment, and the fact that everyone does not have someone by their side) however, going off at a tangent on something completely different,  acts as a diversionary tactic to some, away from the critical feedback just given in the hopes it will be seen as a joke, or overloooked.

We can ask for genuine need to be honoured, but not demand that everyone toe their line in a particular way that suits them. That is what Bradshaw indicated in Toxic Family Relationships, some have grown up with. Learning and moving on is about adapting and coping with what is.

When one is moving towards unconditional acceptance and empathy in a genuine environment, it is important to have no agenda which imposes on others.

Also, people communicate in a way they know how and are capable of, which needs not to be berated. Therapists would have no clients if they did the latter.

 

dolfrog

HollyGCat said:

@SurvivingTara..you said....

Because the issue that may be bothering us is that at a meeting  for example, people never heard us and understood need, or saw trauma through a child`s  eyes. They all sat there with clip board and files on us talking in jargon and looking at us with smug blank faces, with their training as truth, which is lobbed onto whoever is around and will catch it. 

That just about sums it up! Still, they were pleased with themselves....

@newborn, I do think asking people not to use phrases common to them might  stop people sharing freely. Such as ‘loved one’. I wouldn’t think anyone was trying to trigger another, just getting their own thoughts and feelings across.

There are too many words that could trigger something in someone, and to avoid them could just make someone think they don’t have a right to post. I don’t think someone should use this forum to push any particular agenda, we should all just post what we need to with respect. 

We we all had different backgrounds, what is triggering for one may be a lifeline for another.

my views for what they are worth.

have a good day all

Hi @HollyGCat

Unfortunately in my experience, it is the so called Therapists who are corrupt, not all have clipboards as most are unwiling to take notes and learn about each individuals related issues. they only want to market their limited training which is based on limited theories and not based on the life experiences an individual may have. 


Recently I reluctantly asked my GP to refer me to the local psychology service, more to find out whether they were currently up to date regarding international research relating to my disability.

At the first appointment I took a copy of a recent research paper from Japan explaining why psychologists need to provide support for those who may have my type of disability. As well as a link to one of my online research paper compilations regarding my disability.. The incompetent psychologist asked "Do you expect me to read all of this research?", which due to my disability I did not fully understand when he said it. but I did process it and fully understand what he said some hours later  when i was at home.

Second appointment he mentioned that I had seen one of his colleagues 2 years previously who was in denial that my disability exists, and that he was only interested in providing CBT which is the limit of his basic training, and he does not want to discuss anything related to my real disability. A total fraud. After I processed what had been said when i got home I sent him an email explaining that he was wasting my time and incapable of providing any support. I also explained this to the speech and Language terapist I have been educating regarding my disability over the last 2 plus years. She eventually became willing to learn about my disability and how it affects me on a day to day basis. 

The Psychologists are only interested in marketing their limited training regarding CBT which does not begin to include the real issues that can be the real cause or causes of multiple real disabilities, they are frauds only interested in increasing their income and manipulating the vulnerable. This includes the so called Educational Psychologist who only want to make money diagnosing symptoms as conditions, to make money rather than refer individual to other professions trained and qulified to assess and diagnose the real issues. Dyslexia is a prime example. 

Dyslexia is a man made problem concerning decoding and recoding the visual notation of speech, or the graphic symbols society chooses to represent the sounds of speech. 

Dyslexia is language dependent. (there is more including research links on my "What is dyslexia?" web page)

We are surrounded by ignorant incompetent, and corrupt so called medical professionals who are only interested in making money and not wanting to begin to understand the real issues an individual may have. And they use their so called professional jargon, which varies from one profession to another to hide their ignorance.

HollyGCat

@dolfrog I think what you have experienced is dreadful. It’s saddening and seems many of these so called professionals are so cold.

Yesterday which of course ended up with me ‘not coping’ was due to a complete frustration at being controlled so completely by a system set up to support itself.

Not making eye contact limits what I can understand from others intentions, but, it does allow me to really listen. Yesterday I really heard how little willingness there was to help me help myself ‘keep safe’ and ‘make any steps towards a better life’.

It was mainly about them defending what they weren’t going to do.  A couple of times I called them out sufficiently to render them wordless, but the slight ‘satisfaction’ (right or wrong) this gave me soon disappeared within the following hours.  

I asked them ‘my husband is not getting a break, it’s going to end up with one of us dead. I referred to a recent night where fully outside my awareness I ended up ....

***TRIGGER mentions suicide and self harm 

searching for a rope or similar to hang myself, said my husband had snapped and left. Said I had contacted MH crisis services twice to be told call the police (which for me comes with the added stress of them being my former colleagues) (and knowing I would get more care and compassion from my local garage).

  Not because they are all bad but because they are all unskilled. 

That I was not even asked by MH Services at the time if I was at risk, which I was. 

I asked for two things, proper support when in crisis and someone to help me move towards some form of socialisation.  They handed me my risk assessment and told me to call the never answered MH Helpline. On the night in question I had tried for over an hour.

They admitted there was nothing they could offer. They said crisis teams are not responsive or there to deal with crisis. I quoted their mission statement to no response which tells me they didn’t know it.  I asked them, 

‘you were the last people I had contacted, I was at high risk of death. I had told you. Circumstances alone stopped it, who would have decided if there was a gap in your provision for crisis care? The coroner? Again, no response.

they backed it up with a letter basically telling me they would not offer what I needed. 

They admitted they were not patient centred and suggested my case was ‘unique’!!! I very much doubt that, I think there are many many people being let down and left to take the only last obvious action.

@JeremyJ posted something a while ago about how doctors end up having transferred trauma from patients and end up hating them rather than helping. Seems to be there is much truth to this.

I am struggling to keep my marriage, no couple can long term cope with the pressure and subsequent resentment.  True as well, I picked a nice man, and much of that understanding he has had, came from his own traumatic Childhood.

**Trigger mentions DV and weapons

Which for him was steeped in violence with his father drunk beating them all and eventually his mum taking a knife to his father.

So it was not surprising really we connected. But now, it is that trauma from our childhood that drives both of our unacceptable behaviour and ends up so ‘damaging’.

There is little hope. There is a lack of willingness or knowledge from MH to help either of us.

Disability discrimination is practiced frequently in public services, not through ignorance but through people who just don’t care.  

Sorry ‘it’s a bit long’!

SurvivingTara

Shocking, really shocking holly g cat what you experienced. How clearly you tell us.... Not at all surprised though.....Have heard it so often from MH nhs staff. 

Only recently someone I know asked a nhs psychologist to be person centred and understand trauma. Reply was "oh you wont get that on nhs". WHAT, they not got person at centre of treatment and understand trauma????...???Was appalled. It is so frightening corrupt, and person destroying.

When are people,  en masse, going to awaken and fight to remove these uneducated, uncaring, imposters, who are getting money for person abuse and retraumatizing us. ? Big task but we can do it...

HollyGCat

SurvivingTara said:

Shocking, really shocking holly g cat what you experienced. How clearly you tell us.... Not at all surprised though.....Have heard it so often from MH nhs staff. 

Only recently someone I know asked a nhs psychologist to be person centred and understand trauma. Reply was "oh you wont get that on nhs". WHAT, they not got person at centre of treatment and understand trauma????...???Was appalled. It is so frightening corrupt, and person destroying.

When are people,  en masse, going to awaken and fight to remove these uneducated, uncaring, imposters, who are getting money for person abuse and retraumatizing us. ? Big task but we can do it...

Can we? I really hope something can be done. I feel destroyed and lost?

SurvivingTara

Oh yes hear that.......Yes we will  know its exhausting work and it will take time to recover, but you will and be back there.. you have fight in you for this.....But these are human beings here, being played with and destroyed by a large corrupt organization who is marketed as carers. That is not good......Whistle blowers are treated badly. 
United, we stand, divided,  we fall.

Waylay

Oh wow, so many comments to make. 

@newborn
- Thank you again for your insightful and wise comments! 

- You wondered why people would start the meds, enter the MH system, be labelled... I did so at 20. Background: Dad was pharmaceutical chemist, worked in testing of new meds. As kid I had an auto-immune disease and home was abusive, neglectful, so my immune system sucked. Got ear infections every few months, chest infections, and cuts and grazes got infected a lot. Allergic to 2 large classes of antibiotics. Dad's company had finished testing a new antibiotic, Keflex, which hadn't been passed by FDA, but was safe and worked. He brought home a plain brown bottle and put it in the fridge. Infection? Dad would take a look and tell me to take "1 of the orange pills twice a day for 7 days", or whatever was appropriate. (I suspect that all those antibiotics screwed up my body, but my Dad thought he was helping.) I also had to take a lot of meds for my arthritis and have joints drained and injected with steroids on a regular basis (OW!). My brother had a serious spinal condition, so between the two of us we were always at the hospital, chemist, doctor, physio... The treatments helped, so I guess I grew up thinking that doctors were great and meds all worked, and I got really used to the medical system.

1st year uni. Very stressful school. Drove myself hard.  Caught walking pneumonia (2 months), a friend died suddenly, I got glandular fever and ended up in hospital, and on the last day of classes I was assaulted (won't describe it). I know now that I had PTSD, and I also got incredibly depressed. My boyfriend was worried, and asked me to go to a doctor. Seemed natural, given my childhood experiences. Diagnosed w/ depression and anxiety, given Prozac. Trust doctors! Meds work! So I took them. I should have been asked about trauma, but wasn't. I recovered, although who knows if the Prozac had anything to do with it. Doc said stay on it, so I did. 

My childhood stuff started coming up, I found a therapist, but Prozac number me and she never asked about childhood. Relationship unhealthy too. Prozac stopped working. Switched to something else.

1 year later: Got sick, sicker, very sick... Told it was all in my head (diagnosed w/ Lyme Disease 2 years later). Depression again. Meds not working, switched to something else.

Rinse, repeat. 15 years later, having gone through domestic violence, more illness, etc., I became disabled, lost everything, triggered the C-PTSD and got very, very mentally ill. I'd been on 12 meds, done multiple types of therapy, and you'd think I would have figured out they weren't working, but no. Back into MH system, more meds, PD diagnoses, etc. Took me years, but I read Prozac Nation and started thinking, "Hold on, this PD thing is ****. These pills don't work. Is any of this true?" Ah-ha! I was 43. 

So that's my story. I guess I was so indoctrinated into the medical/drug model that it simply didn't occur to me that it could be... Wrong.

Sorry for the length. 

- I think some psych workers know the reality and don't care. Money, prestige, as you said. I think some really believe they're helping. If they start to suspect the truth, most can't handle the idea that they've been abusing, dismissing, harming patients for years, so they repress it. Agreed, some are nasty because discussing trauma triggers that knowledge or their own repressed trauma. Some are just unpleasant or controlling/abusive people. Some are poorly trained. Some (especially in the NHS) are underpayed, overworked, and know the services aren't there. They're exhausted, burned out, and maybe some have PTSD themselves! To survive that, they've become automatons. As a result there are few psych workers who actually pay attention, listen, care... Horrendous for us!

- CBT: Useless for me. Does apparently help some, esp. w/ insomnia. Many other therapies not useful either, because no idea about trauma. However, have had 2 counsellors (1 long ago, 1 now) and an NHS pain psychologist who were GOOD. They listened. They cared. They helped. Pain psych: prob. sees a lot of traumatised patients. 1st counsellor: likely had personal experience of trauma, in hindsight. Current counsellor: person-centered, does the unconditional +ve regard thing, cares for me (4+ years at £10/week!), sent to her by Rape Crisis, so familiar with trauma. Helped me a lot.

- Agree many people aren't physically safe, are alone, etc. Something to keep in mind! Ty!

Uh.... Yup.

Waylay

@SurvivingTara , TY for posts! 
- Agree about inpatient experiences. Have never gone, but heard enough (would get put on Borderline PD ward) to know that being treated like a child, dismissed, unable to leave, forced to take meds, and possibly restrained, drugged, tied down by a man/men would (re)traumatise me enormously. Even when suicidal, unable to eat, etc., partners & friends are amazing and have kept me away from hospital. Thank god.

- Have you heard of ACEs? Adverse Childhood Experiences.

Cheers

Waylay

@HollyGCat
- As others have said, you ARE good enough, you ARE worth it, you deserve better, and the thoughts that say the opposite are basically the voices of your abusers. Please don't listen. Heard of the Inner Critic? 

- That meeting..... *Puts on Valkyrie armour, lights sword on fire* Where? 

- I had a similar inner child experience. Eventually I started saying things like, "I know you're scared, but you don't have to be now. I'm going to take care of you." Eventually I gave her a hug. It helped.

*Safe hugs if you want them*

SurvivingTara

Waylay, yet another telling it as it was from a suffering person. Shocking and abusive, and they believe they were doing good it was normal. We are only the few courageous enough to speak out. How many more suffering -suffered in world? ( one of my traumas was getting TB glands, caught from milk 50s age 6. Dumped in a hospital for 4 mnth, in starched sheets, told to sit there, injections round clock, kids dying either side of me. Visits every 2 weeks, no toys or books like they have today. Not told if would live or die. That was all normal practice-trauma at its best. It affects. Taken home eventually, cold distant, colluding mother said "oh its you, get into bed." No hugs or am pleased to see you). One of many traumas,  then CSA. So folks hats off to us all we have survived and pushed though life to tell the tale, and support others. 

HollyGCat

Waylay said:

@HollyGCat
- As others have said, you ARE good enough, you ARE worth it, you deserve better, and the thoughts that say the opposite are basically the voices of your abusers. Please don't listen. Heard of the Inner Critic? 

- That meeting..... *Puts on Valkyrie armour, lights sword on fire* Where? 

- I had a similar inner child experience. Eventually I started saying things like, "I know you're scared, but you don't have to be now. I'm going to take care of you." Eventually I gave her a hug. It helped.

*Safe hugs if you want them*

Thank you Waylay, hug taken...The meeting was NHS Psychiatrist and Crisis Team. I’m still debating what to do about it. It’s actually a multi-disciplinary team and it’s the managers (social workers) one in particular who holds the power on what services she allows me to access, at some point I must have failed her attitude test. She is pulling the strings and causing what I see as neglect. Thinking I would write above, but as you have pointed out, the MH workers themselves hide the abuse. I have been assaulted, left alone for hours with no toilet paper, pinned down, mocked, over restrained, once given a nappy as sanitary wear....any complaint has been written off as ‘reasonable actions ’ so the corruption has spread up and out. I just think we are voiceless. 

Good advice re child in corner. I tried but she stayed there and I was to Ill to get to her.  

There is an excellent article about the systemic abuse I will try and find a link to, in The Times.

newborn

Waylay......  brilliant  post.....thank you for explaining......hmmm  sometimes,  for some of us,     things are so far beyond  sense  it is ridiculous,    becomes absurd,  almost comical,  and that's  just  when a sense of humour comes dashing in, as ever, to  our rescue.   ..
.....Maybe it's more of a riderless bedraggled  old donkey  than a knight on a white charger,  but never mind,    it's  dependable.   
Plenty of people  with  true problems,  such as terminal  illness,  do  make light, see the funny side, and laugh , and make other people  laugh, because  crying is  just not an option  .    If you and I were ever in the same place, I  imagine we would laugh a lot


Oh, just remembered meeting an old GermanJewish man, who had done his full share of survivor guilt at being overseas at the start of war, while his family were sent to camps.   Years  later, it turned out all his big sisters were alive, and  planned a family meeting in a New York Hotel.  He arrived, approaching  the room slowly,  with deference,  dread, and guilt.     

But, to his growing  anger, he realised  the hotel had been invaded by some callous, rowdy party revellers.   Their shrieks of laughter  were completely  out of place, for such a solemn reunion venue.  The troublemakers  were obviously  in a room very near where his poor suffering  sisters were awaiting him, because the volume of noise got louder and louder as he came closer.

He was just about ready to kill someone,  he was so furious at their insensitivity.  But it was worse.  The  loud hilarity was coming from  his sisters' room.  They were the bunch of shrieking party revellers.  They were laughing, reminiscing,  screaming with shared glee at one another's  hilarious anecdotes.   They couldn't  comprehend  why he thought they should be serious.   They wouldn't  stop laughing.    He never, really, forgave them for it.

isold

I have been reading here and am very disappointed and angry that people are having to pay for the nhs and then pay again to get help with issues that were directly caused by abusers. I was tortured at a school in South Africa when I was 5 and up. My parents ignored it as I was the second unwanted girl in the family (well I call it a family but it wasn’t). I have had cat therapy on the nhs but have been told
getting more will be a long wait, I waited two years for the cat therapy. I work and enjoy it but some days I’m not in a position to leave the house. As the nhs now do not diagnose as they would then have to act, I’m left without help with what is absolutely a disability. I have never taken the drugs of all sorts I’ve been offered including various antidepressants and lithium, after seeing an “expert” for half an hour who hadn’t even seen my medical records. I’ve been fobbed off by the organisation that is paid to help people where I work because “it’s too serious” and they don’t have the resources. Yet through all this I’m expected to function like everyone else, go to work, pay bills, go shopping. For most people those things are easy, but for me and others they are a living nightmare of being constantly pulled back to a time when we were terrified for our lives and feeling like no one cares. Like the whole world hates us and is trying to kill us. But all you get from the nhs is pitying looks and offers of various chemical coshs. I feel like we should be refusing to pay taxes until they start spending them on helping people rather than creating more victims with their hostile
environment. 

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newborn

Isold, you were wise to take your own view.  There is no such thing as a drug or cure for history.  What happened,  happened. 

  The n.h.s. is letting people go  blind because of cataract underfunding. N.h.s ought not to waste funds on dishing out drugs or other so called  treatments to 'cure' the assumed mental illness of people  who are not mad.   That  is madness.  If you have a normal  healthy learned reaction to being in life threatening danger, you are  the opposite of  mad, therefore  you cannot be 'cured' of madness.  The Mind site quotes the n.i.c.e. statement that  for c.p.t.s.d, any supposed 'treatment 'is harmful. 

The Canadian organisation on non-state-torture is vehemently against the word Disorder,  to describe normal  responses to  situations like yours, or mine, or others imprisoned and deliberately harmed,  especially throughout childhood.   The fact things are done by one set of  soldiers against  their enemy soldiers has been  the stereotype,  with an afterthought that sometimes they hurt civilians from the opposing side.   It is only just  starting to be recognised  by u.n. that torture is possibly far more, far worse, far more prolonged, when carried out by amateur freelance hate filled private power abusers,  not controlled by government orders.

Youtube carries a site called 'crappy childhood fairy,'  listing four myths about complex/childhood post trauma, including that there is no drug and no treatment,  and that  mostly,  being  self sufficient  from an early age has good sides such as resilience.   (Although people may tend to isolate themselves,  or tend not to spot warning signals to stop them getting into adult abusive relationships.  )

 I consider myself lucky to have my sight, lucky  to be alive despite so often being violently attacked,  lucky to have regained consciousness every time, lucky to  be able,  after a fashion, to walk despite the injuries. 

 Lucky, too, to have  a  sense of proportion.   It takes an overindulged sense of entitlement to be a snowflake.  Most of us who know what real pain, helplessness and life threatening  assault is like, won't make a fuss or tantrum like a spoilt brat over  any minor setback.