Complex PTSD and no help available

HollyGCat

Happy bday poet Sylvia Plath, b.1932. 

“I felt my lungs inflate with the onrush of scenery—air, mountains, trees, people. I thought, "This is what it is to be happy.”

“I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; 

I lift my eyes and all is born again.”

SurvivingTara

Your experiences are heard ISOLD, JUSTDON .

You have a right to be angry and disappointed at these experiences.

I, like many child abuse victims, when younger, thought I could, with a bit of fortitude, and being in the right organization and with help, could rid the world of abusers / torturers /and neglecters.

I naively believed all people care for one another and managers and employees in organizations respected, cared for and did their best to help vulnerable and sick people.

WRONG.

WHISTLE BLOWERS, I DISCOVERED IN THIS PRESENT SOCIETAL CLIMATE ARE SILENCED, I EXPERIENCED IT. Then naively wondered why.

With years of informative research, experience, and growing awareness of these issues, knowledge and understanding showed how the behaviour of some within society impacted others and why and how child abuse, neglect, abandonments, bullying,  trafficking and rings,  are  endemic in society.

Those abused, bullied, traumatized or neglected may initially think it is perhaps a one off local event that happened, until they can realize it is a much bigger occurrence and the networks interlink, and are generally known, in all organizations.

It is complex, therefore, a nutshell explanation.

Child abuse, abandonment, neglect etc, endemic world wide, it is a  type of pyramid. 

There are the people at the top who know what they are doing and they control the minds and behaviour of others by blackmailing/ influencing those at the bottom of the pyramid, in society who are known to abuse.

Many, who do not abuse children (and  re- abuse adults in various neglectful ways), are the stooges, unaware workers, who appear to want to assist, until they are silenced, or allowed to appear to be helping.

Many doubters will say that child abuse/torture/neglect and re-abuse is not common and it is ridiculous to suggest it is an organized crime, endemic world wide, within societies, (it`s a complex issue and they have not done, or want to do the research, to discover truth.)

The controllers and abusers, who are aware of what is going on, who pose as helpers/ professionals/caregivers, etc have infiltrated all organisations, world wide, NHS (UK), Education, Police, Judicial System, Politics,  Governments, Sport,  Social Services, Media, Arts,  Secret Societies etc, etc.

Within these organizations there are people who control the system and people are compromised, (or blackmailed to toe the line), to be shut up, to silence the abused,/ mistreated, so abuse and neglect can be  covertly continued  in various ways within families, and  all organizations.

As Alice Millar in her book, ` Thou Salt Not Be Aware`, said, it does not pay to be aware of and why, parents and people within organizations re abuse children and the elderly. It is  a too hot potato and complex as to why it`s allowed to continue. But it is, deliberate, unchecked, in a myriad of guises.

You can set up  a public inquiry, in which you have heads who know what is going on, they look like they are to push the inquiry through, they are not. The inquiry is  set up, so you can hear evidence, know where people are and can therefore control others, and prolong the inquiry.

Within all organizations there are working people who have been abused/tortured/neglected and suffer CPTSD, they are unhealed, and organizationally used) when the ordinary unsuspecting unaware person like us, shows up, for example at a GPs surgery or NHS / care establishment, it can trigger an alarm response, which may cause them to either, look as though they may be allowed to help,  avoid our issue and divert us to something else, or worse, suppress us with the chemical cosh, after running our symptoms through their computer.  

This is happening on a massive scale, because certain people need this abuse revelation, bullying, neglectful, uncaring behaviour  suppressed, so it can carry on.

The way children have been treated in establishments and families (by parents /caregivers who may have been abused or neglected themselves  in some way), affects them, possibly prevents them from talking, and requiring care from providers who are programmed not to believe or help or may help as an appeasement gesture and cover for the bad guys, who leave the suffering, uncared for in establishments.

Therefore, generationally we can have a population who are programmed not to believe, or help others because they are either frightened or know the consequences of disclosure of child abuse and neglect.

Consequences  like whistle blowers, mysteriously disappearing, (or claimed dead).

For example, A dossier on paedophiles allegedly associated with the British government was assembled by a British Member of Parliament Geoffrey Dickens, who handed it to the then Home Secretary Leon Brittan in 1984.

The whereabouts of Geoffrey Dickens was suddenly unknown, (reported dead), the  dossier whereabouts is now unknown, along with other files on organized child abuse, and neglect in education, care homes and rings, a dossier supposedly held by the Home Office. In 2013, the Home Office stated that all relevant information had been passed to the police, police who did not investigate, and conveniently said that Dickens' dossier had not been retained. It was later disclosed that 114 documents concerning child abuse allegations were missing.

Entertainers like Jimmy Savile,  Jeffrey Edward Epstein a teacher, and others who were feeding and trafficking children to the rich and famous, from orphanages, hospitals, and care homes like the Kincora  Boys' home in Belfast, Northern Ireland,  were soon removed from society.

Children in council care in Nottinghamshire were exposed to sexual abuse by predatory foster carers and residential care staff. Many witnesses have ended their life, the trauma too much to bear.

Many  teachers are conveniently ill-equipped to spot child abuse victims, having received little or no child protection training during their teaching course, as its avoided.

A Rotherham child abuse, Muslim Women's Network, said child sex abuse was "endemic in South Asian communities as well as world wide. Uncles, fathers, brothers etc are all abusing and it is common and has been covered up.

Adults who have had cause to bury their history of child abuse/ torture and neglect (eg behaviour by parents, caregivers, officials, educators,  other adults or older adolescents that is outside the norms of conduct and entails a substantial risk of causing physical or emotional harm to a child or young person) ,  may continue to suffer in ways that can include complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD), eating disorders, substance misuse, depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, anger, guilt, agoraphobia,  learning disabilities, physical illness, and dissociation.

Who helps them, mostly a toxic chemical, legally provided, which gives profit to pharmaceutical companies, contra indications to patients and no hearing or recompense, for suffering.

Those of us who have been abused in establishments are left with the consequences, persisting mental health problems,  a common consequence of child abuse and neglect in adults.

People who were maltreated or abused as children are more likely to be re-victimised in later life in establishments. So the cycle of abuse continues.

ISOLD, JUSTDON  and others you have a right to be angry about the way you  and others have been treated when  you asked for help to journey through suffering, we all are, and more so when we learn the truth about  the  endemic child abuse and neglect,  developmental or otherwise, that is deliberate, and planned.  

Plus re abuse in adulthood within so called care environments.

Yes , its par for the course to be at times `fobbed off` by people in organizations, who are not paid to be aware and trained to spot and mediate the effects of child abuse, torture/mistreatment, bullying others and neglect.  They are probably being chosen to fob off,  keep quiet or do so readily and compromisingly because of their own woundings.

Yes, we  will be offered all manner of legally addictive substances by doctors to suppress our experiences and symptoms, and prevent investigation.

Yes, we can be re triggered and have flashbacks to earlier experiences, (which many employees in organizations  are not trained to facilitate). It also impacts personal relationships.

Yes,  at the moment ISOLD, JUSTDON and others, more victims will be so called cared for within a hostile abusing society.

So let us cease perpetuating this cycle in society.

How can we move forward` as  wounded healers of society, when other abuse is so endemic and it is deliberate and many collude and attempt to hush it up, and silence us ?

 

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SurvivingTara

Yes, JUSTDON, this is the way forward.

Speak UP and speak out with courage.

as an army .

 You really can`t see any other way anything can change otherwise.

Can  I, you ask?

No !

 

HOWEVER because abuse  is so big world wide, generational, and many are affected  and therfore used to propogate it and cover it up becaue they are afraid to speak out.

Whistleblowers are in danger. It`s a dangerous, exhausting job, speaking out, when you go to the front line many have deserted you, and could not stay the course..

It is like hitting a brick wall of resistance. It is slowly starting to crack though.

Many will not, and don`t want to believe this, and this is one reason it is easy to continue these abusive, neglectful, cruel activities with the vulnerable, innocent people. Abusers, who infiltrate groups and organizations, who go on to discredit the traumatized, because many have been caused to have mental health issues through cruel, abusive, bullying, neglectful  controlling behaviour by adults. Then its easy not to listen to them, because  the authorities say their condition makes them an unreliable witness..Shocking assumption.

The world and people have to change. Systematic, generational, organizational, and ritual abuse must eventually cease, as populations become more aware of intentions and truth..

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dolfrog

justdon said:

Yes!

Speaking out does seem to get a person into a lot of trouble doesnt it.

even amongst those people who are touting themselves as "caring"organisations a person will get systematically ground down by the narcs untill they have everyone convinced that you are the one to blame .....blame and shame .

hmmm sounds just like abuse that .... ?

The cycle is insideous and most cant even see it.

Therefore,The reclamation of power has to lie in  AWARENESS .

Hi @justdon
on another thread lol 
Awareness can be key, as you are probably aware I have been on a 20 year awareness campaign regarding my disability APD.
This can be as has been mentioned before "banging your head against a brick wall"

I set up a support group back in 2002 with other parents of children who have he same issues, and for a variety of reasons the support group failed to relaunch in 2014. One of the reasons for the failure to relaunch was the lack of willingness of one key member to understand and accommodate my type of the disability

I also have a Facebook support group which in recent times has surprised me as there are now over 14,000 members most of whom come from the USA. The main problem has been explaining the complex nature of the issues, explaining that there are 4 different types of symptoms, and then getting their so called medical experts to read the international research regarding the various types of issues. Most of the so called professionals only want to diagnose the type of our disability that they are able to provide some type of technology as a means of support, and even provide expensive programs that research has demonstrated does not provide any long term benefit.

The problem here in the UK still is
1) Audiologists (there are three professional bodies) are only interested in marketing hearing aids, and may be protective headphones, the other professions who should be part of the so called multi discipline support team
2) Pychologists only want to market CBT, which does not begin to address the underlying issues, and educational psychologists only want to make money diagnosing what is really a man made symptom dyslexia £700 a time, of which my disability is the main underlying cognitive cause.
3) Speech and Language the other so called profession should recognised that APD and what they call Specific Language Impairment now being marketed as Developmental language Disorder  are one in the same thing as demonstrated by international research. 

Which means that increasing awareness could be down to those of us who have the problems and we may have to educate the so called professionals who should know about and understand the issues as part of the so called professional training. 

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isold

I think the main point people are making is to stay strong and keep talking, people can’t understand if they don’t know. And the most loving of people will make an occasional unhelpful comment. But how can they know if you don’t tell them. The ignorance of the state however is not something we can let slide. They know what has happened, especially in countries like America and Australia and South Africa where parents and teachers where actively encouraged to “correct” their children. And now they would just like everyone to be quiet about that. Well I’m not going to be quiet, I have a big loud voice and I won’t stop until I die. 

dolfrog

justdon said:

Hello @dolfrog ;-)

Yes ..well as you know many problems tend to go hand in hand ..

Luckily for me i have several of them..lol

And so that means i have a variety of threads to get involved with !
Variety is the spice of life so they say .

Specifically i have complex trauma which i will have had since childhood due to severe neglect and abuse.

I also had a couple of head injuries and a siezure as a kid which often gets me wondering if thats the reason for the processing issues along with multiple and almost constant ear and throat infections ..i have even been hospitalised for them in the past ...but i wouldnt know for sure as its never been properly investigated.

I also have fibromyalgia osteoarthritis and spinal stenosis..plus a healthy dollop of depression (not surprising ) and an anxiety "disorder".oh and either gout or pseudo gout (not sure )oh !and constant vertigo  ..but i havnt found a thread to get stuck into on those particular subjects yet !;-).

I know exactly how it feels to bang your head against that brick wall ..

But you are doing a pretty good job of enlighting people ..?much respect for you dolfrog .

And as always you are a brilliant source of info .

I have learned a hell of alot in the very short space of time i have been here ..:-)

Oh And that is what we always have to do isnt it....educate THEM ?

That is a very impressive facebook group you have going on ..

I dont know how you do it !

Hi @justdon

Ear infections can be Otitis Media (with Effusion) which can be an underlying cause of Auditory Processing Disorders, the brain is processing a distorted version of the sounds the ears hear when you have these types of ear infections, and after the ear infections have gone the brain has to revert back to process the good quality sounds, and with repeated ear infections the brain become less able to effectively process what the ears hear. 
I have an PubMed Otitis Media research paper collection which is listed on my "Some PubMed Audiology Research Paper Collections" web page 
I hope this helps

 

dolfrog

Chobbly said:

Not sure if ive read the above posts correctly....but it all seems Autistic in some ways!

Those who have ASD have a wide variety of possible multiple issues that combine to cause ASD, which can include Auditory Processing Disorder.

Other issues which tend to be part of ASD can include Sensory Processing Disorders, ADHD, Developmental Coordination Disorder, and many more the list is almost endless. 

Some who only have Auditory Processing Disorder have in the past been miss diagnosed as having ASD, which almost happened to our eldest son,  And another potential miss diagnosis is ADHD the attention type ADD.

HollyGCat

TRIGGERs## suicide/self harm

It’s been quiet on here. Some of you know, I tried to come off the medication. Did okay in some ways, but the symptoms of the trauma came to the forefront. Really frightening and confusing.  Could not know which was the trauma and which the medication.

 I went to meetings at MH Team, and argued strongly to have someone I could speak to, for support whilst trying to come off them. Being isolated in one room of my home, a burden to my family is hard, especially when some think it’s a choice I’ve made. 

During this time, my husband (my carer) was unable to cope. He asked for support for me, they gave him someone (two people) to talk to. I don’t think this is wrong, but as he says, if I were properly supported, he wouldn’t need it. All the time I had to fight for some help, refused for weeks but eventually being told five weeks ago someone would be allocated.

The weekend just gone, I lost the ability to carry on, I couldn’t do it anymore without the medication to block things out. I contacted the MH services numerous times, but had no answer despite telling them the inevitable outcome and how hard it was. Today I sent the following to my Psychiatrist;

Dear Dr.....

I tried to stop taking all the pills. I tried for five weeks of reducing and in some cases stopping them all together. I tried without anyone to talk to. I tried with all the horrific panic attacks and nightmares.

I tried with all the physical effects and I tried not to hurt myself whilst stopping them. I tried to think it would end. I tried to do things to distract myself when I have demons after me, I tried to hide from them but couldn’t. I tried when my head felt like it was going to explode and I was desperate like a junkie for it to stop hurting.

I tried to cope with what felt like continual flu, and when I believed my heart was going to stop and I was moments from death and was too afraid to sleep. I tried when I cried and cried and couldn’t really understand why. I tried with the violent thoughts in my head. I tried to stop myself getting in the car and driving it off a cliff when I realised I was on my own and it didn’t matter to anyone if I did.

I tried with the constant pull of death. I tried when I had the belief my dead father was outside my room. I tried when I received a letter telling me in as many words know no one cared and confirming to me how worthless I am. I tried whilst not knowing what was happening, not knowing if I was about to have a seizure and I tried whilst sleep left me.

I tried whilst the clarity of my miserable existence forced its way into my woken thoughts. I naively believed I could do this without support. I couldn’t. I can’t. 

I tried to ask for help. continuing to ask for the support worker who I just might have got strength through to keep trying. (Husband) waited two days for a support worker after asking, no begging was required by him. No need for him to argue, they tripped over themselves to help him. Three calls and a visit in the first week. I am still waiting five weeks after I was told I could have some additional help with my healthcare. Definitely what I needed to support me whilst reducing long term medication with all that goes with it. I couldn’t rely on (husband), obvious after he went missing having lost the plot for second time. It was obvious that I would fail. I was stupid to think I could achieve a single thing. 

Having failed to cope. Cutting, throwing up and now back on all tablets. Hopelessly suicidal. It seems obvious to me I am meant to fail. I am indeed a failure. 

So back to the land of drugged death for me. I never deserved any better did I. People like me don’t. It’s my birthright to be condemned. I’ll stop asking for support. There is no point, it just makes a fool of me. I’ll let nature take its course. I am resigned to my fate. I blame me.

**** 
I had a response....two lines telling me that a further email would be sent to chase up on the support worker. the fourth time they have suggested this in the last month.

This is the level of support for a snowflake like me trying to get themselves off drugs prescribed at high levels for four years. My choice to take these tablets was taken when I was at my most vulnerable, handed them at ever increasing amounts, when I would have taken any seeming lifeline. I now have trauma and dependency to manage.

The campaign’s telling people to speak when they feel suicidal seem pointless to me, there is no one there to listen. It’s all a lie to keep the abused quiet. 

isold

I’m so sorry that this is happening to you. It’s so terrible that they put people on these drugs not knowing what the long term consequences will be, and mostly I think they don’t care because it gets rid of the immediate problem. But long term it’s a really massive problem. I really hope you get the help you really do deserve. I hope we all do. Don’t ever believe that you don’t deserve it. 

HollyGCat

? Thank you @isold

Adrian_Scope

@HollyGCat, you're anything but a snowflake and certainly not a failure. You're going through a difficult time, but that's not a reflection of you. I'm so sorry you weren't better supported by your mental health team when trying to come off of your medication. It sounds like they really let you down when you needed it most. I have to echo @isold here and say I really hope you start to receive help, because you do deserve it, even if you've come to believe that you don't.

I know Samaritans isn't for everyone, but I was recently made aware of a service called 'shout'. They offer a crisis text service which I know could be really useful for those who can't face phoning. I don't know if that'll be of interest to you, but if it is, you can read about it here: www.giveusashout.org/get-help/ or for help just text Shout to 85258.

As always, please keep safe. If you think you're in danger, please remember that you do deserve help. Call 999 or visit your local hospital.

SurvivingTara

Holly G Cat, I am so really sorry you  have been caused to feel the way you have. I felt your emotional pain. You have been badly let down. So glad you are still around !!!!

Your  graphic description, of events,  was so characteristic of coming off or attempting to reduce medication, which has suppressed your trauma and caused the  feelings of `not good enough` on various counts. It must have felt awful, experiencing the effects of drug withdrawal without support.

It is a shocking indictment on society and the greedy industry who make profit at the expense of trusting vulnerable people.

As I said in a previous post, we in the west, from 1940s onward have been conditioned  to go to GPs for help when something happens to us. That is natural Holly, to seek help.  But the praying mantis, the chemical industry is waiting to make money, and GPs are obliging, by getting a sitting target, people, hooked and in debt to the pharmas. It is a corrupt, cruel environment, just now.

It is not our fault, it just is the way health care has been set up in UK.

Also writing to a doctor who is in on the game of legally addicting people, does not help anyone, because they can`t. It is their job to prescribe and control people with chemicals. To suppress trauma and abuse at all costs.

It is a well documented fact doctors and the like are slow to respond and do not have the correct resources to support the working through trauma. It is not their remit to help people work through anything, only suppress.

Doctors fail the population,  they are not gods, who have all the answers. We, who are hurting have the answers, and know what we need for self healing.

No longer do we humans go to the wise elder of the tribe,  a healer or herbalist. It is to a GP we go, who runs our symptoms (which are talking to us), through a computer to ascertain which drug to legally give us which will legally addict us, and suppress the symptoms of trauma.

Holly G Cat your experience seems to have been awful, and messed about with your head and emotions.

Again I hear you blaming yourself and berating `the good enough little Holly G Cat`.

We are all wonderful and good enough. So are you !!!. The trauma has been unheard. Trauma suppressed is destructive.

“I never deserved any better, did I? People like me don`t. My birthright to be condemned”

NONE of the above which is said, is true Holly G Cat…

Is the above said, the voice of someone past ?

Good enough Holly G Cat would never say all that to her innate wonderful self.

The programming/conditioning/trauma voice from early on, might..

Asking for support, NEVER stop Holly G Cat. There is a huge point, because you are a worthy being and a traveler / companion through the universe, like us all .  We don`t need to lose a companion…….So

We want you back in the driving seat of life.  You have great courage. We are waiting for you on the platform..

Nil desperandum  -  Never despair. And Illegitimi non carborundum  -   Don`t let the bustards grind you down.

PLEASE , take heart from the following article below, the industry though campaigns have been FORCED to admit that drugs are addictive, and they have even called for drug centre like AL-ANON , to help people get off legally prescribed addictive chemicals.... WE NEED YOU HOLLY G CAT !!!!

Anti depressants cause Severe side effects, lasting months, health bosses have been forced to admit for the first time. 11th October 2019 Daily Mail newspaper UK.

Antidepressants/ drug can cause severe side effects lasting for months, health guidelines have been forced to  acknowledge for the first time.

The NHS UK watchdog NICE has re-written advice on how doctors should treat adult depression making it clear that coming off the pills can cause long-lasting symptoms and be even fatal.

In a move campaigners against legal drug addiction by GPs, hope will significantly reduce the over-use of antidepressants, the official body said all patients should be warned of the risks if they choose to  start on the medication.

For years health officials and GPs have played down the difficulty, lied to patients that drugs were addictive and had side effect and even cured depression. 

The previous guidance, which had been largely unchanged for a decade, which  stated either side effects were 'usually mild, not at all  and self-limiting' and would last no more than a week, was blatantly wrong.

The new document states for the first time that, for some, the 'severe' side effects of coming off antidepressants can last 'months or more'. 

It warns of 'discontinuation' symptoms such as confusion,  nausea, anxiety, sweating, flu like symptoms, sleep problems, suicide feelings, panic attacks and 'altered feelings'.

Britons use more (and are legally prescribed more) antidepressants than almost every other country in the Western world, and are handed the drugs out like sweets – which experts believe is partly due to lack of awareness of the chemical and of withdrawal problems. Gps have never informed patients.

The Royal College of Psychiatrists paved the way for the change earlier this year when they we FORCED by campaigners and patient evidence to published a 'position statement' accepting that some patients get protracted side effects coming off the drugs.

That move – itself a reaction to the strident work of campaigners – was hugely influential, representing a major shift in the view of the psychiatric establishment and their practices. 

But the new guidance will reach many more doctors, including the GPs who prescribe most antidepressants, but will it make a difference to prescribing as the pharmaceutical industry will not like losing profit.

Psychotherapist Dr James Davies of the University of Roehampton, co-founder of the Council for Evidence-based Psychiatry, said last night that the change was 'hugely significant', adding: 'This is the first time any national clinical guideline has acknowledged severe and protracted antidepressant withdrawal to this extent.' (because it has been forced to )

'Now severe and protracted withdrawal has been officially recognized, we must never again misdiagnose withdrawal of a drug as relapse or deny the patient is in severe pain and emotional difficulty because of a chemical given legally.

'We must also now press ahead with withdrawal services, (like an alcoholic withdrawal centre) and a helpline for those who have become dependent on these and other prescribed drugs.' (what an admission)

According to the NHS, 16 per cent of adults – seven million people in England – take antidepressants each year, and are LEGALLY addicted. 

Twelve months ago the Mail revealed research by Dr Davies which suggested 56 per cent of people suffer withdrawal effects if they try to come off antidepressants.

Doctors tell patients they must stay on the drug for life. They often allow them to feel they are having a relapse, when in fact it is the legally prescribed drug that is affecting them, not a relapse.

That study, published in the Journal of Addictive Behaviours, suggested, of the seven million people taking antidepressants in England, four million are at risk of withdrawal symptoms if they attempt to come off the pills.

Some 1.8million are at risk of severe symptoms and for 1.7million – 25 per cent of patients taking the drugs – the withdrawal effects last at least three months.

Antidepressants, which include common brands such as Prozac, Cipramil and Seroxat, are supposed to be proven to be an effective way of treating moderate to severe depression.

But experts are increasingly concerned about their over-use, with prescriptions in the UK having doubled in the last decade.

A league table of antidepressant use published in 2017 put the UK fourth out of the 29 countries in the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development, up from seventh in the year 2000.

Research published by health charity Mind UK earlier this month suggested the vast majority of patients are left in the dark about the side effects of antidepressants and other psychiatric treatments.

Four in every five patients with mental health problems had not been told the potential side effects of their medications, according to polling of 12,000 people. 

Mind said a key problem is that GPs receive no mandatory practice-based training in mental health, despite more than 40 per cent of all appointments involving the issue.

Of all GPs who finished their training in 2017, less than half completed an optional psychiatry placement. GP just fit the symptoms to a drug.

Dr Paul Chrisp, director of the centre for guidelines at NICE, said last night: 'We have amended the guideline to recognize the emerging evidence on the severity and duration of antidepressant / drug withdrawal symptoms. The updated recommendations are in line with the statement from the Royal College of Psychiatrists and were agreed by our independent committee.'  (they had to do this forced by patient evidence!!!!)

dolfrog

Chobbly said:

Not sure if ive read the above posts correctly....but it all seems Autistic in some ways!

Hi @Chobbly
I have some PubMed Autism ASD research paper collections you may find of some interest
Autism 
Autism and Early Interventions
Autism and Regression
This is the first time I have shared the early intervention collection, I hope you find it useful

HollyGCat

@SurvivingTara Wise words as always. I am sorry for any concern I caused you and others. 

I feel there is no word sufficient to describe how hopeless and voiceless I feel.  I have cancelled my MH appointment tomorrow, I think it would make me worse.  I don’t now know what to do. It seems there is nothing I can do.

I have learnt over the last four years how poor MH ‘care’ is and I wish I had known it when policing. When I had some influence and could have highlighted it.  I got it wrong.

I wanted to say how your and others  kind words sustain me today. My deepest thanks.

SurvivingTara

Holly G Cat, You have not caused me any untoward effect with your post.

Genuinely wanted to try to support and KNOW you are OK so that was a concern. To learn if you were back there with us all  !!!!!!!

Yes, I sense we alll must have felt hopeless and voiceless at some time. I know I have, but keep on speaking, because the abusers and traumatizers like voiceless people.

Yes, there is something you can do!!!!.

First know you are ok and good enough.Our companion on this journey.

Work towards strenthening your being, we need you strong.

Let your partner help, in any way, no matter how hard it feels to let someone help.

Do something nice you would like to do if poss for Holly G Cat.

Take tiny steps.

Yes, going somewhere eg to a MH meeting will possibly bring up all that healthy anger, and guess you are pretty exhausted right now, so it may be tooooo much at this stage, you need a witnessing other there with you who will support you and put in their voice. So they don`t re-abuse, and subtly so..  

We all, I guess, learn things as we go along, and realize things in hindsight. or  when we were employed. We get wiser....

It is good you have had a realization now. If you highlighted it then no one may have  heard you or even now. You were not wrong. There were circumstances then and you were behaviing accrording to rules. We need to understand that, that was then.

You have moved forward , I can see that, because you have had realizations. These are a few tiny steps forward. Be proud of this, there is improvement !!!!

You are OK, yes you are.

Thanks for being around at this time of humanity`s struggle and awakening.....

SurvivingTara

https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/

HollyGCat

Hi, not posted for a while. Thought I’d give you all a break from my misery messages.

Thanks to all for kind messages.

Nothing great going on. #Trigger mentions
suicide

Took another OD. Daughter had to restrain me to get tablets off me. Only took 25. No recollection (well limited). Called 111. Daughter (22) told to watch me whilst I was unconscious. No medical help sent. Crisis Team sent an email to my MH Team. Nothing else available to help. 

Scope Team have been fantastic however. 

This whole thread which says No help available for CPTSD. Well this forum is the foremost help in my opinion.

Without it, there is little else. I wish they would section me. Or at least offer some worthwhile crisis support. But for whatever reason. Money I guess. That doesn’t happen.