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Dating someone new who has CP

w75ukw75uk Member Posts: 1 Listener
hi,
i am dating a man with cp. it’s a new relationship and we have a great connection. Over the last few days we have not been getting on with each other. He says that I am deliberately messing with his mind. He argues over things that are so trivial and I don’t mean that to belittle how he feels... but it can be literally over a misunderstanding in communication. When I try to explain what I mean he says that I need to figure out what I want and to sort myself out. It’s very attacking and I’m unable to explain or reason with him. 
I really like him and care for him, but I’m almost afraid to say anything because it’s always interpreted the wrong way and causes him to get upset. I’m walking on egg shells. 
I’m not sure what to do. 
I’ve tried talking to him... he started out being open. He told me he had cp when I met him and it didn’t concern me at all as he’s an amazing person, but I want to be able to support him and I want to know how cp affects him. When I ask he gets angry and tells me to look online... but the symptoms vary so much between person to person. I want to know how he feels and how it affects him. 
Hes already told me that people have made fun of him and I told him I would never do that. I’m trying to build trust, I know that takes time, but we seem to be going backwards if anything. I am unable to reason with him and he won’t allow me to explain myself. 
I don’t know if this is simply a control thing, if it’s because he is trying to protect himself or if this could be a symptom of cp or all three?
I really don’t know what to do next. 
If anyone has any advice or help I would be so grateful. I really like this guy.
thank you. 

Replies

  • Chloe_ScopeChloe_Scope Scope Posts: 10,680 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi @w75uk and welcome to the community! Thank you for taking the time to share this with us and I hope you are able to sort things out.

    I have CP myself and I know the affect it can have on someone can vary a lot, but also that some people can find it really hard to talk about, especially when dating. Are the arguments in relation to his CP?

    It's great that you want to support him and I can imagine it's difficult to know what to say. When in a relationship I want people to see me for me, not just someone with CP. Learning his abilities will take time and that's okay. It's okay that you don't know everything about CP.

    I hope other members will be able to offer their advice as well :)
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  • Adrian_ScopeAdrian_Scope Testing Team, Community Team Posts: 7,695 Scope community team
    Hello @w75uk and a warm welcome to the community! :)

    I'm sorry to read about the relationship troubles you're having. Feeling like you're having to walk on egg shells around your partner is never easy.

    Unfortunately our sex and relationships expert is on leave right now so won't be able to offer advice, but we'll do our best to help you and signpost to any other areas of support.

    How long have the two of you been seeing each other? Have you thought about contacting Relate for some advice?
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    Scope

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  • Richard_ScopeRichard_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,488 Scope community team
    Hi @w75uk
    Great to meet you! I'm no relationship expert but I have plenty of experience with relationships and living with CP.
    From reading your post it seems to me that your partner is still deeply affected by his past experiences and people's reaction to his CP.

    I would also hazard to guess that he really likes you and is concerned that if you know too much about his particular CP you will not want to continue the relationship. So, he is inadvertently pushing you away as a self-defence mechanism. I wouldn't bring up the subject unless he does. It will take time and reassurance but also remember your feelings and happiness is as valid as his.
    Scope
    Specialist Information Officer - Cerebral Palsy

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  • April2018momApril2018mom Member - under moderation Posts: 2,882 Member - under moderation
    I think he’s trying to protect you. Take your cues from him. Avoid discussing it unless he wants to start a conversation. It will take time but try not to stress over it. The key to all good relationships is the essential ability of only sharing information with permission.
    To answer your other question it honestly is more of a control thing. Seriously I am the same way and there is nothing bad about that. How old is he? Respect his need to privacy. 
  • Sam_ScopeSam_Scope Member Posts: 7,732 Disability Gamechanger
    How are you getting on @w75uk ?
    Scope
    Senior online community officer
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