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I wish I’d known...

leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 2,670 Disability Gamechanger
What are some of the things you wished you’d known when you were young, or what advice would you give your young self if you could go back in time?

I think one thing I’d definitely tell my younger self is not to take life so seriously!

How about you? 🙂

Replies

  • RacheleLeahSilveraRacheleLeahSilvera Member Posts: 69 Connected
    @leeCal
    Great thread
    How hard it would be to get a job.
  • janer1967janer1967 Community champion Posts: 6,075 Disability Gamechanger
    I would tell anyone to live life to the full, take every opportunity you can to make new memories, forget about the things you cant change and focus on what you can change

    Dont be afraid to make changes in your life if your not happy .

    Be kind and give back to those less fortunate than you   
  • MrAllen1976MrAllen1976 Member Posts: 1,147 Pioneering
    I wish I'd known before I left school that failing everything except typing at GCSE would affect me nearly 30 years later when looking for work, as if the disability related issues weren't enough to put most potential employers off.

    Also, on Valentine's 1991, my then GF actually said to me "Are we gonna get married then?" and me being 14 going on 15 at the time said "Ooh I don't know"! I half wish I'd said "Yeah alright then" or something.


  • 66Mustang66Mustang Member Posts: 3,683 Disability Gamechanger
    edited December 2020
    I wish I’d known that computer game characters are essentially worthless and all the probably thousands of hours I put into my RuneScape and World of Warcraft characters would not gain me any knowledge or strength or money in real life and I could have spent those hours developing my knowledge or working to make money!

    I have about 100 days of played time across all games which is 2400 hours. That’s 6 A levels assuming 400 hours study per subject; or £24000 at £10 an hour if I worked those hours.

    That said I couldn’t work and I found it hard to study and I did enjoy what I did so maybe it’s not all bad. :)
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 2,670 Disability Gamechanger
    edited December 2020
    I agree @66Mustang that we can view our time as wasted or spent. I spend a lot of time doing very little but I quite enjoy it and so it’s spent, not wasted. I spent many years computer programming which in the end turned out to be fruitless financially but I enjoyed stretching myself and became pretty good at it. I therefore spent those years doing something I enjoyed, not a waste of time really.
  • 66Mustang66Mustang Member Posts: 3,683 Disability Gamechanger
  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,376 Disability Gamechanger
    Gosh, I was thinking about this this very morning,  One thing I do wish is that I could go back and tell my teenage self that she was good enough.  I was very poorly for a long time and always compared myself negatively to my 'well' peers.  I so wish my younger self knew how brave she was and that everything would turn out okay.  

    Hindsight eh! 
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  • MrAllen1976MrAllen1976 Member Posts: 1,147 Pioneering
    @Cher_Scope off topic but did you read my thing yet?

  • Cher_ScopeCher_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,376 Disability Gamechanger
    @MrAllen1976 It's on my to-do list for tomorrow when I have a fresh pair of eyes :)  I'll get in touch with you when I've read it.
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  • vikingqueenvikingqueen Member Posts: 215 Pioneering
        I wish I'd known that my parents really did know what they were talking about.... :# .But saying that I wouldn't be where I am today which is right where I want to be with the people I love,  quite a few bumps in the road along the way but I got here in the end
  • woodbinewoodbine Member Posts: 2,098 Disability Gamechanger
    I'd wish i'd known   that social justice is important  (something that I didn't really appreciate until I was in my late 40's).
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 2,670 Disability Gamechanger
    Thanks everybody for your thoughts on this subject, very interesting too, thank you.
    🙂
  • 66Mustang66Mustang Member Posts: 3,683 Disability Gamechanger
    @leeCal

    I agree and as a young(ish) person I am trying to take on board the knowledge that people wish they had when they were perhaps my age
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 2,670 Disability Gamechanger
    edited December 2020
    @vikingqueen said
    I wish I'd known that my parents really did know what they were talking about

    Me too. I remember thinking that they were from a different generation, that somehow that generation experienced a very different life and so couldn’t really relate to me or my issues. Later I experienced the same kind of attitude from my own children and it’s such a shame that youngsters won’t learn from older people enough. 

    The old saying ‘you can’t put an old head on young shoulders’ Holds true to quite a degree. It’s just makes me sad when I see people making he same old mistakes over and over. 
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,747 Disability Gamechanger
    Same @66Mustang! I'm making notes furiously. That being said, I think I still have some advice for my younger self:

    No one cares as much as you think they do - not in a bad way, but people aren't judging your every move waiting for you to trip up and make a mistake that they'll remember forever
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  • 66Mustang66Mustang Member Posts: 3,683 Disability Gamechanger
    Same @66Mustang! I'm making notes furiously. That being said, I think I still have some advice for my younger self:

    No one cares as much as you think they do - not in a bad way, but people aren't judging your every move waiting for you to trip up and make a mistake that they'll remember forever
    That’s a really good one and I’d say it works both ways in that no one cares when you do something impressive as well. I used to do a good reverse park or golf shot then hope someone saw and now I realise no one notices!
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,747 Disability Gamechanger
    Not always @66Mustang, but it's a great moment when they do! I once threw a bottle into a bin whilst walking on an empty pavement from a reasonably impressive distance (I fully expected to have to pick it up and put it in). I didn't think anyone else was around me, but it turned out there was someone walking behind me, who then gave me a high five. Pre Covid times of course...
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  • 66Mustang66Mustang Member Posts: 3,683 Disability Gamechanger
    Haha that’s funny:smiley:
  • MrAllen1976MrAllen1976 Member Posts: 1,147 Pioneering
    edited December 2020
    I wish I'd known circa 2002 that the week I went in respite at the place up Woodhouse would be a complete waste of time and the socials' money, I kind of expected it would be but I went anyway, 3 days later I'm on the phone to come Home, all I did was stay in my room playing Xbox.

    I didn't need to go in respite to do that.

    I also kind of wish I didn't have a "sixth sense" of predicting that some aspect of whatever I'm doing will go wrong when I'm doing something major, because more often than not if I predict something will go wrong it does.

    I wish I was that good at predicting the Lottery numbers lol.

  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 2,670 Disability Gamechanger
    @Tori_Scope other people think pretty much the same as you or I think generally speaking. It’s because of our similarities we have gelled into societies which by and large get on well, there is a general consensus.

    sometimes I watch others out of interest, ie people watching can be fascinating. And sometimes I judge them internally and sometimes I don’t. I think we can assume that others do the same by and large. 🙂
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,747 Disability Gamechanger
    That's true @leeCal, I like people watching too! 
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  • switchdasswitchdas Member Posts: 6 Listener
    I would tell my younger self to end his life before turning 16
  • Tori_ScopeTori_Scope Community Team Posts: 2,747 Disability Gamechanger
    edited December 2020
    Hi @switchdas! It sounds like things are pretty tough at the moment. I've sent you an email from [email protected], and we'd really appreciate it if you could take a look and reply whenever you can. We'd love to try and help :) 
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  • soconfusedsoconfused Member Posts: 101 Courageous
    edited December 2020
    I wish I had known at 18 that applying for, getting and doing my dream job back then would have ended up with me getting injured to the point I have trouble walking and using my left side.  If I had I would have done something else. I also wish I had known how the housing market was going to go down hill..Having started a nest egg for my children by buying a house in 2005 I have lost so much money over houses wrecked by non paying tenants (and then getting broken into and stripped of all copper) I actually cry when I look at the figure. Selling them all will leave me with about £20,000 - not really what I had in mind! It was once worth millions but the Government protecting scroats who can say stuff the rent and not get touched for 24-36 months has seen all that come tumbling down. I had 1 house had a leak in the bathroom tap - had the tenant called me it would have been sorted the same day, but it took 7 years to get access to the house (courts are useless) and I had to sell it for peanuts over the 97K I brought it for in 2005 because it was so damp and mould ridden I wouldn't let the rats stay there. She tried to sue me 4 times for damages to her health and failed. it cost me over 40K in court fees just to get my house back! And landlords are meant to be the bad guys!

    Still, could be worse, probably. 
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 2,670 Disability Gamechanger
    Commiserations @soconfused, sounds like a nightmare.
  • soconfusedsoconfused Member Posts: 101 Courageous
    leeCal said:
    Commiserations @soconfused, sounds like a nightmare.
    Thanks I've done an edit since you saw it possibly you might have missed a bit - I just added more of the bad stuff lol :( 
  • leeCalleeCal Member Posts: 2,670 Disability Gamechanger
  • soconfusedsoconfused Member Posts: 101 Courageous
    leeCal said:
    Wow!
    Unfortunately every word is true - it was stress that gave me my first stroke in 2012. Which didn't help my already injured frame! 
  • 66Mustang66Mustang Member Posts: 3,683 Disability Gamechanger
    edited December 2020
    @soconfused I agree that landlords are treated appallingly in this country. It’s a shame as they are just trying to be savvy with their money and invest in a pension or nest egg like you say, all while providing someone with a home. I saw a piece on the news about someone who didn’t pay rent so the landlord refused to fix anything wrong with the house and the tenant managed to sue the landlord for not providing a suitable property.

    Someone at a support place I went to had a family member who rents out houses in America. I they said if you get non-paying tenants there you go in with a gun and tell them to get out. Much more civilised behaviour than allowing tenants to stay rent free for 2 years and no I’m not being sarcastic.
  • soconfusedsoconfused Member Posts: 101 Courageous
    Yes this country's system is so broken its mainly the reason why I gave up.. I wish it was as easy as America! 
  • MrAllen1976MrAllen1976 Member Posts: 1,147 Pioneering
    66Mustang said:
    @soconfused I agree that landlords are treated appallingly in this country. It’s a shame as they are just trying to be savvy with their money and invest in a pension or nest egg like you say, all while providing someone with a home. I saw a piece on the news about someone who didn’t pay rent so the landlord refused to fix anything wrong with the house and the tenant managed to sue the landlord for not providing a suitable property.

    Someone at a support place I went to had a family member who rents out houses in America. I they said if you get non-paying tenants there you go in with a gun and tell them to get out. Much more civilised behaviour than allowing tenants to stay rent free for 2 years and no I’m not being sarcastic.
    Whoever thought up North America's gun laws is clearly an idiot IMO. forcing tenants out at gunpoint? I'm sorry but what the hell?!

  • adamskisadamskis Member Posts: 33 Courageous
    I would have said, have more tattoos, drink more, travel more!

    I have lived an excellent life, done way more than most, and have very few regrets.
    two marriages, a million jobs (not quite, but you know, lots of wearing badges until I hit 30)
    and, best of all, a fantastic son.

    I would have told me to get help earlier, mental and physical, but definitely keep doing all of the fun stuff!
  • MrAllen1976MrAllen1976 Member Posts: 1,147 Pioneering
    If I'd known I'd got Asperger's before I was about 23 and half, my education would probably been a LOT better, then again maybe not, knowing the dopy sods in the Council I'd have been sent to a "Special" school for the secondary years, it was bad enough they sent me to a mainstream school with a "Unit" but if I'd gone to somewhere like Tapton or Bents Green, who knows? At least Bents Green's more or less this end of Town and not up ruddy Norton!


  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 1,191 Pioneering
    Wish I had turned right instead of left  my brother lives in his own housr which he brought  he has a good  job money in the bank a wife two children foesnt struggle for anything  me live in a private rented house which I live no money in the bank  no job now struggle with everything been married and divorced twice  I have children and grandchildren children  and I have lupus  I have a partner that foesnt live with me who has mental health issues  but even with the life I have had  after haveung corona virus  I am just happy to be alive and have a home I have got more than most so I have no reason to complain 
  • dkb123dkb123 Member Posts: 109 Pioneering
    Two things, One would find a job that you would do for free and you will never do work  again, and don't get trapped into anything just because other people expect it of you, do what is  right for you whatever they think or say  
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 1,191 Pioneering
    I like that where you said  doing what other people expect you to do  i used to be like that  but it doesn't work does it because you can never get it right because its not what you want to do now people say I didn't expect that ha ha we have to be our own person I hear some od my friends say I wish I was someone else  but no one knows what that someone is going through I am happy being me even though somethings in my life I dobt like but I have learnt to cope with it my mum has always said to me  life is what you make it and life can be hard work but we do our best 
  • dkb123dkb123 Member Posts: 109 Pioneering
    yes too many people ruin their lives because they want to be accepted and fit in with other peoples ideas of what is to them normal 
  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 1,191 Pioneering
    People ho on about normal but no one i have ever met can define normal  how I see normal is what each person does in their own life that feels comfortable for them we all  have a different normal  some people say normal is haveing a job being married and haveing children but if we were all the same it would be boring  behavior can be put into well thats not normal  but even then people still think it is because its happend since  they were young  such as abuse  drug takeibg ending someone  else's life  these aren't normal things to do there are reasons why people do these things  and I have a belief that some people that do these things xan be helped  but that's the way I am I like to be able to help people and make their lives better but things like how you dress how you look the things you like doing  the way you talk  these are the things that are individual  to  people and are our own normal  so normal is a big word thst covers alot and anyway the life we are all living now isn't normal as people say but it is our new normal for now x
  • dkb123dkb123 Member Posts: 109 Pioneering
    I agree it takes a lot of courage to be different
  • MrAllen1976MrAllen1976 Member Posts: 1,147 Pioneering
    Define "normal"?! Contrary to popular opinion, even though I'm not "Neurotypical" I AM normal for ME!

  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 1,191 Pioneering
    I am normal for lupus 
  • OverlyAnxiousOverlyAnxious Member Posts: 1,010 Disability Gamechanger
    Normal is a societal construct, it depends where you live geographically and at what point in history...  

  • lisathomas50lisathomas50 Member Posts: 1,191 Pioneering
    I love this discussion  it brings people together and shows it doesn't matter that we are different our normal may not suit others and other oeoples normal might not suit us which makes us all normal because we aren't the same x
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