Feeling lonely

Agnia

Thank you @WhatThe
im sorry they will not help me (my family ) they wrote that i did chose to live here and they think benefits system is very good here 
my mother wrote that i cannot visit them and that Poland is long and i can go somewhere else to visit but not my hometown 
If i feel lonely i should buy a pet for myself she suggested ( my mother)
i really love animals but im not able to look after them 

its like a knife into my heart

Agnia

i did start to work immediately here when i came to UK
i really loved England from the beginning and i had English boyfriend for 5 years 
it’s really hard for me that im not able to work now and im ashamed of myself 
i really did need to be with them with my family i had savings the money for electricity, food, for going to see the doctors, but they didn’t agree that i can go there 
my brother wrote to me that if i give my mother’s mobile number to another organisation or charity who contacts her ( like it was in the past that Red Cross contacted her ) then my brother will call and to inform the police that they contact her 
i did find a charity in the past , the lady who founded the charity in Poland  ( she has a disabled son) she tried to help me and she did contact my mother in the past  

my brother wrote to me that i never had a brain 

Hannah_Alumni

I'm so sorry the relationship with your family is strained. 

Please don't feel ashamed about not working. Concentrating on your health it the most important thing  

WhatThe

Hey Agnia,

I hope you feel a bit less lonely and a bit braver tonight.

Thursday means this scary thing will soon be over and behind you.

You can do this  

gvf23

I live on my own and am lonely too. Depression and agoraphobia and trying to survive on benefits means I don't get out much. I just received PIP after my local CAB helped with application. That was my third separate attempt to get it. See if your Citizens Advice can help. 

Agnia

Thank you @Hannah_Scope
Thank you @WhatThe
Thank you @gvf23 for responding , congratulations that you received pip 

WhatThe

Hi Agnia,

I remember what was so special about those 3 weeks with my mother (other post)

She said she now understood me...in her 70's !!!! Imagine!

She had never been ill, hated hospitals (after one night for her first child), had hated being a carer and was still in denial about her health but finally understood disability - and me!  
A gift I could never have imagined. 

Anything is possible 

WhatThe

Have a restful evening Agnia 

Agnia

Thank you @WhatThe
my family will not help me, 
i was  begging for help 
i live in hell at the place( very noisy) which is not suitable for my health 
i didn’t want to use their money i just wanted to be with them because i really missed them
i had money ( savings from work) 
i was called an old woman who does try to move to their property, toxic , etc 
they did block me and i couldn’t contact them 
its really hard and sad for me 
i remember crying and writing to my mother please don’t leave me when i was really scared because my neighbour did drink alcohol a lot he was very noisy and others neighbors were pretending that all is fine and my mother was asking me if he does invite me to drink with him 

Agnia

my mother wrote that Poland is a long and wide country and i can go somewhere else and i cannot visit my family 

WhatThe

I know from your posts. My family didn't (couldn't) help me so many times. 
Mothers and sons can be tight and it cannot be all your fault, whatever they believe. That's what they believe but people can change is what I'm trying to say.

I think you are brave. Proper support from local services and safe housing is always slow but it will come. 
One day at a time, as you are doing, is the only way 


 

Agnia

hi i don’t know what to do 
my neighbour doesn’t use handle to close the door the person who lives above me she does make a noise during the night and during the day which really affecting my health 
im not able  now to go there to kindly ask her about it , i did it before and she said “ ok call the police then” 
my bran must be is surviving mode 
i live in London 
i don’t know why i didn’t loose my mind yet im feeling really unhappy 
im feeling completely stupid for writing all the time about it 
Gp won’t help me about it 
my mother when i was younger she called me mimosa 
i knew i really needed help 
when i think about it it’s a trauma for me because i know how scared i was and she did block me 

Agnia

It’s really important my mother had a really supportive mother ( my grandmother) 
my mother was saying that she was always wiser than me 
i never felt the way i feel now in my whole live in England 

WhatThe

Agnia,

Do you have a radio?
Other people have advised ear plugs.

I use my radio or plugs when noise is too much for me. There are different types of ear plugs such as foam and aluminium. I didn't get on with wax either!
 

Agnia

Thank you @WhatThe for writing to me yes i have a radio
i use wax ear plugs i went to the hospital and was really close to damage my hearing because this place is very noisy where i live and i used ear plugs too deep 
my bed is next to the wall and the communal stairs,  car park outside and noisy street
upstairs neighbour who walks around the room in high hills at 3 am , and they don’t care 
others slamming the doors 
im really broken