Guilty
It's my daughters birthday and I cancelled her coming over whats the matter with me when it's meant to be a happy occasion I get so low I can't pretend to be happy I relize I'm extremely unhappy now I feel so guilty I feel awful I just can't face anything I do have bpd and body dismorphia some days when I look in the mirror I avoid mirrors shiny windows anything that can see my reflection I feel repulsed and when people around me I'm constantly belittling myself in my mind aging process doesn't help the truth why I cancelled today is I feel to ugly and don't want to ruin the day my bdd so severe I only got few photos with my daughter over years most was when I was married and my ex made me have photos my daughter was 3 so from 3 till 21had no photos with daughter or anyone had to when daughter graduated should of been happy occasion and I was worried about having photos done on special occasions I get extremely low also with the shame and guilt of cancelling today sad thing is my daughters used to this sorry had to get out
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Ahh I wish I wasn't like this makes me hate myself I hope your OK
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Hard isn't it x
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Oh please don't feel guilty @Catherine21 cancellations happen and I'm sure your daughter understands. You both seem close, so I'm sure she knows how you're feeling.
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Makes me feel awful I suppose birthdays remind me how isolated I've made myself and even for one day I can't face it reminds me of my past how hard for my daughter it actually was and how ill I actually am trying to be as invisible as possible sorry to go on thankyou
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No need to apologise at all @Catherine21 as the old advert said "It's good to talk." 😊
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Thankyou so hard some days isn't it so hard
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Just gotta make the most of the good days and ride out the bad days. 😁
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That is very true many thanks
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Thiers no help for bbd lots of Therapy for bpd how do you cope I'm OK until have to see people so its really hard because the world full of people and days like celebrations or seeing people I just can't do this is the worry of work have you had any Therapy for body dismorphia I find mental health doctors know noting of this disorder I believe I developed this as undiagnosed adhd and definitely autism also have you heard of pmdd that along side of these is a roller coaster I used to do online zoom group through ocd charity we didn't have to show ourselves on camera which was good bit I stopped I believe I've had this since 3 years old I've always despised myself I'm 53 this month draining hard running from yourself all the time x
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And it's very rare to talk to people who have same diagnosis
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Yes I've isolated for 14 years when I worked if I caught a glimpse of myself in a reflective surface I wanted to run home couldn't look at people constantly worrying about how I looked and what they must think of me it is an awful illness I'm sorry you have it too xx
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Oh yes the crisis number its shocking the lack of understanding I did 18 months for bpd one week group meeting and then one to one but they wouldn't touch on bdd when on zoom meetings with OCD action some people lucky to meet Dr veale and had exposer treatment very slowly
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Just curious @Catherine21 and @Summerlove have you tried DBT? My ex and also two friends have BPD and they all found it really helpful.
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Yes I did for bpd but there's noting for body dismorphia I did 18th months therapy was lucky and I'm not ungrateful but the body dismorphia is crippling
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I can empathise, body dysmorphia can be totally crippling and I wish people would take it a bit more seriously.
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Honestly people think it's vanity far from it imagine your whole life despising yourself not being able to look at yourself some people over check constantly and get literally stuck for hours I will only look in a small compact mirror eye by eye never look at the whole face or body shiny surfaces like when went on tube with daughter could see my outline so always have sunglasses on I Just shut my eyes so couldn't see myself anyway sorry going on been triggered so badly today
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I would insist to your doctor you need an assessment by mental health team I know you already done this but I had to keep saying I cannot live like this anymore I'm sorry you haven't already x
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Oh I been to them 12 sessions !! I told my doctor talking therapies is not for me I need more specific therapy not touch a wardrobe paint your house this is a very painful life altering illness god before I isolated o couldn't say how many dangerous situations I got myself into seemed to go into a Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde mode the rages unbearable and unbelievable just all over the place got into alot of trouble I'm scared of that person I don't know about you but if I'm in doors safe I can't hurt myself or upset anyone else write a letter put all your suffering down let the doctor read it and tell them I've been let down for years I can't do this alone even if your on a waiting list your on the right path keep you need and deserve proper treatment x
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Wow wrote a letter I would of hit the roof for years I never went to doctors but when I did I knew it was more than anxiety depression don't get me wrong that's hard enough but I started insisting mainly because my daughter so I fought to get help you do the same you can even do an econsult to doctor put everything down
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