How is your day going?

Windy 18 degrees

Part sunny part cloudy

I did this because I don't want to listen to any more conspiracy theories and gobbledygook in general. He and his family live 500 miles away, so this makes it easier.

He was obviously up visiting our parents, and came to my door on his last day up here. I've not heard from them since it happened, and I imagine they are sulking. It seems decades of experience of me hasn't made them think of changing tactics!

I don't know what they think, but i imagine they can't see past his degree. He must be right about 'chem trails", covid, moon landings, you name it! I don't want to hear all that gibberish, and certainly not in my own house.

evening.. my medication sometimes works sometimes does not.. very frustrating.. so i forgot a few days ago and took it late. and yes i was still up at 4 am.. but even when taking it at a time i think it will work sometimes does not. i take it before 7 pm. so with some luck by 11 pm works. .. But tired of medication, tired of people at the pharmacy keep asking do you pay for the medication when they know me by name. for the time being is not going to change so do not keep asking the question.. and looking at me as if i should pay for it.. i am so sick of it. i had a not bad day but it is getting more and more stressful to deal with people. i feel more vulnerable among people etc.. i distrust them. i went to Ikea and carrying that bag did stress me out. it was not too busy but when i was on the queue there it was those machines.. i hate them. there were two scans one that was in a kinda pistol and the one in the machine and i could not make it work. thank goodness a lady helped me out and scanned the whole thing even though i told her i am ok thanks.. she just did everything to the point of the tapping the credit card.. Sometimes you find nice and understanding people.. i feel she knew i was not having a good time in that very moment. and then took the bus and back home. now i am rather anxious. not because of the experience at ikea. i enjoyed. i probably would go for a smaller shopping experience and just buy a couple of things.. i know anxious because when alone i always overthink about the what if … and what if.. sorry for the long message.. i keep "talking"…. have a nice evening and a restful night….

Evening everyone, I totally understand being anxious talking to either DWP or ADP regarding pip or esa etc. I get exactly the same. I worry every time I see a letter from them. I feel I have to constantly prove myself. I feel like Iam begging for a handout. That sounds crazy because my national insurance record shows I have 47 full years. I’ve always been independent and never imagined I would be in this position. My husband has Parkinson’s and dementia with Lewy bodies and then on top of that I have my own problems. I know my medical records show I have fibromyalgia, diabetes type 2, non alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver, stenosis of the spine, a plantar fibroma, bone spurs on my hips along with impingement, depression and anxiety and osteoarthritis. All this sounds like loads of things that have been diagnosed but I still panic and worry that I won’t be believed. It feels sometimes the system is set up to make sure you fail. I recently asked for a copy of my records from DWP and was totally shocked by the notes taken by the first verbal assessment that I had. I get brain fog here and there and totally forget the next word. However as this didn’t happen on the call it was noted that I was able to verbally communicate and didn’t need any promoting. I was asked how many mg I had to take of one of my tablets? Because I got up and got the box, it was noted that I was able to stand and walk with no issues. However I had to finish working as I was making loads of mistakes and I couldn’t stop making them. The stress was horrendous and I was told by occupational health that I wasn’t fit to be in work (I was off sick for 6 moths, my company refused to accept the OHS comments and said I needed to return to my full time role and do my job as per my job description)as I was highly stressed. I had horrific pains in my neck and down my left arm. After having an MRI that showed I had a prolapsed disc in my neck which was trapping my nerves. If I wanted to go ahead with surgery they would have to go in through the front of my neck but there was no guarantee they could resolve the problems. The results didn’t come through until after the assessment call. I just feel I wasn’t believed and what should I have done. I worked for my last company for 23 years and feel totally let down by them. Then to have these things written about me even though I had always work and gave every company 100%. Non of the though made any difference. I still wasn’t believed. So now I am a total wreck as soon as they contact me. The date I am actually allowed to retire is 2029. I don’t have a clue how I will cope. I don’t have relatives, nor friends, neither does my husband. I just don’t know how I will get through the next four years. Life in general is pretty ****. There’s no way of getting a break or a holiday. My husbands refuses help from anyone else. I have never been interested in politics but I panic things are only going to get worse as there are so many people claiming benefits now. The whole thing worries me constantly.

Good morning all

Sun is out

Still waiting for the cardiology appointment